What is a dominant and a submissive in BDSM, the relationship between them
In her cult novel Windproof, Margaret Mitchell writes: „I am a sexologist because I am a sexologist. Of course, the role was not about sexual practices, but this idea was key to sorting people into rules and following relationships. In BDSM practice, they are called dominant and submissive. Each person has unique psychological characteristics and specific roles in intimate and everyday life.
Contents of the article:
- Division into dominant and submissive
- Details of the dominant role
- About the submissive
- Relationship between Upper and Lower
- Contract between dominant and submissive
- Attributes in games between a dominant and a submissive
- Safety precautions
- BDSM relationship statistics
- Tendency to dominate
- They are less dependent on relationships
- Dominants are less emotional
- They are confident
- They invest less in relationships
Division into dominant and submissive
In BDSM, all participants are divided into subordinates (above) and submissives (below). This is their orientation. Some people combine the ability to be both. They are called inhabitants. Most men and women occupy both roles and can alternate between having interesting experiences. Only one of the roles is worse than the second. Everything you need to know about dominance and submission is collected in this linking article.
In personal life, problems arise between people of the same temperament. For example, when both are not ready to submit or give in. Likewise, in BDSM, the dominant and submissive do not get along with each other, as is the case with two submissives. Therefore, each participant is looking for the perfect compatibility of the couple.
To understand which role is best suited, you need to listen to your inner voice. Men who have to command and control may dream of complete submission to the “woman”. They can also try themselves in both roles and decide whether they feel more comfortable with the person in this case.
According to data obtained on the basis of the work of Deryagin G. B. (criminology teacher) and books by the American author Sexual Bondage: a Discreet Survey, roles are distributed as follows
- The dominant role is chosen by 71% of men and 11% of women of traditional orientation.
- 12% of gay men are dominant.
The remaining interests are those who choose subordinate roles. Therefore, dominance is a characteristic of men in the human orientation.
Details of the dominant role
This is the name of the participant in the BDSM relationship who is the main partner during the game („Action“ session). He dominates the others. She appears in turn and indicates punishment, restrictions on a partner, spanking and other actions. The dominant is also called the top, top, master or house.
A person can simply pretend to be like this or actually have the characteristics of the moral and psychological state in which he leads his life. In the second case, such a person needs a submissive type, and he will be most comfortable in close relationships. A true dominant person will not attract any other type than a submissive. Then he needs a permanent submissive partner. Dominance in BDSM is the only comfortable state for him in close relationships.
About the submissive
This is the name of a participant in a BDSM relationship who is an adept. That is, he completely submits to his partner, follows his orders, accepts punishments and rewards, and behaves as his dominant partner tells him. Also called bottom, slave or sabah. If a person is satisfied with this, then during the game he plays only the role of a subordinate. However, some people have such a character that they depend on others, their decisions, their desires. Thus, they choose the dominant type of partner.
A person“s submission can be caused by psychological reasons. For example, this is a great opportunity to get rid of the fear of losing your partner. The fear that he will leave for someone else who is more socially successful or outwardly attractive, combined with strong emotions, often pushes women to take such a step. After all, BDSM gives the dominant almost unlimited possibilities, a kind of “exclusivity”. A submissive does not need to conform to others because he is already special.
Relationship between Upper and Lower
When a submissive and a dominant meet and mutual sympathy arises between them, such a couple is called a subject. The relationship between them manifests itself in a 24-hour format. In other words, they always live in such a way that one dominates and the other submits. The BDSM community calls this phenomenon a „lifestyle.“ BDSM mistresses and slaves are less common than sex games.
“Normal” relationships without BDSM overtones are called “vanilla” in society.
This lifestyle is characterized by the creation of a special agreement between the parties.
Contract between dominant and submissive
This is a classic element of BDSM relationships between a top and a bottom. Even though there may be love, devotion and deep emotional involvement between them, the ritual of making a pact still exists.
A contract is several documents. Of course, they have no legal force. They are personal records of the couple. It spells out all the rules of relationships between partners of both a sexual and simple “everyday” nature. By signing this treaty, Sabah commits himself to „slavery“ in the House of Commons. The senior in rank cannot force him to sign. The document must be discussed in advance and, if possible, changes made to it. Then both participants sign the document.
Read also: Dominant and submissive in relationships: psychology of behavior
What are you explaining in this article? Surely many have heard, and many have seen the film “50 Shades of Gray”. It is directly related to dominance and..
Why is this document necessary? Firstly, it is a special symbol of the connection between partners. As long as this agreement is in effect, their relationship is valid. Secondly, clearly defined rights and responsibilities of participants facilitate communication between them and prevent conflict situations. Thirdly, it stipulates everything that the submissive is ready to do if the dominant wants it (punishment, practice). The rest is “taboo”. Thus, the document is a kind of security element for the subordinate. Finally, a contract maintains trust between partners if both parties clearly adhere to its rules.
Contracts are talked about a lot in the first part of the book and in the movie „50 Shades of Gray“. The main character, Anastasia Still, had the opportunity to read this document before entering into a BDSM relationship with Christian Gray.
Attributes in games between a dominant and a submissive
During “sessions,” the dominant and submissive use special accessories that allow one partner to increase their influence on the other. The most popular forms of sensory deprivation (restriction or deprivation of external input to the senses) are gags, masks and blindfolds. Dominants use spanking devices. Devices are divided into the following categories:
- Hard ones — paddles or “spaddlers”;
- Flexible — stacks or rods.
- Movable — whips, whips and floggers.
Immobilization and bondage can be accomplished in a variety of ways, ranging from simple handcuffs and collars to larger devices and spreader bars. Bondage can be made from ropes, chains, and belts. It ensures complete immobilization of the partner and is used in submissive behavior.
Interestingly, according to Russian marketers, after the premiere of the aforementioned film „Fifty Shades of Grey,“ sales of accessories related to BDSM increased by 20%.
Adult toys are also widely used: nipple clamps, plugs, vaginal balls, feathers, etc.
Everything for lovers of light BDSM is collected in our article.
Safety precautions
During the „action,“ the responsibility for the health and life of the partner rests with the top performer. However, please note that to protect the bottom, it is necessary to determine the acceptable levels of possible exposure in advance. These limits can then be changed, but only with the submissive“s consent. A „safe word“ is also used during BDSM sessions. It can be an optional word used by the Submissive to alert the leader to cease (or, with consent, moderate) BDSM activity. The Dominant must stop immediately in response to the safe word. If the session is conducted without such notification, the Dom bears even greater responsibility.
BDSM from a psychiatrist“s perspective.
BDSM from a psychiatrist“s point of view.
BDSM Relationship Statistics
BDSM relationship statistics
A survey of community members was also conducted in the United States. It was organized in 2000 by psychologist Gloria Brame, a specialist in BDSM psychology. More than 7, 000 people took part in the survey.
Ultimately, the largest proportion of participants (47%) were children aged 26 to 40 years. Many of them tried to leave the community (36%), and 32% said they had never thought about it. Most often, such relationships are built between spouses (41% of respondents) and lovers (35% of respondents). The remaining percentages were distributed among virtual partners and friends. Two percent of respondents practice thematic relationships with prostitutes.
Tendency to dominate
Tendency to dominate
The distribution depends on the specific function of the pair. Every person is unique, but a dominant couple has certain qualities that make them so. Read interesting facts about male dominance here.
They are less dependent on relationships
They are less dependent on relationships
Dominants are less emotional
Dominants are less emotional
They are confident
They are confident
They invest less in relationships
They invest less in relationships
Dominance and submission are not common relationship concepts and are more common in the BDSM community. In “simple” couples there is a leader, but the majority tries to find a compromise and consults with each other to achieve consensus.
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