I don“t want a husband, but I want to be with him. What to do?
Situations that seem very ambiguous to you. But you are not alone in this area of struggle. These true stories prove it.
Contents of the article:
„I“m scared to be alone“
I“m 30 years old. Five years ago we got married, eight years ago we last had sex. Yes, yes — the last time we found ourselves in the same bed was three years before our wedding. At first he rejected me, then my interest faded. I stopped trying.
We probably thought that after the wedding the spark would return. But no. When the passion goes away, it goes away completely. We get along well, spend time together, but not in close proximity to each other. We are talking about our children. But how do they appear with us?
When we try to start a conversation on this topic, everything comes to a halt — we agree that we need to see a family therapist. That“s it. I sometimes think about divorce, but I“m afraid to be alone. Besides sex, our relationship is very strong and stable.
A few months ago I had sex with an old friend. My first sex in eight years. I don“t know if I“m ashamed of this. My husband doesn“t know.
I“m not sure. We live together, everything seems to be going smoothly for us — I feel safe with him. Maybe sex is something we can do with others.“
“I hope he gets a mistress too.”
We“ve been together for 12 years. I still love him, but I haven“t wanted it for a long time. We have two wonderful daughters and he is a great father. We get along well with each other and do all the housework calmly, we both work, but we enjoy being together. From the outside it seems that everything is perfect. We have a good home and a comfortable life.
But I don“t want him. I“m not attracted to him. I don“t want to have sex with him. I know he needs sex. Me too. Sometimes I still sleep with him, but like in some job, I do it without passion.
I have a lover. My husband knows about this and approves of it. I dream that he will find himself a lover. Which I hope will be for him. We are gradually moving towards a monogamous relationship and trying to engage in swinging. This is my initiative.
I know that men need sex. I need it. Not with my husband.“
“He didn’t excite me in the first place.”
„I didn“t find him sexually attractive. For that reason, I didn“t want to see him. But then she learned to love him. He“s a truly wonderful person—always optimistic, compliments me, and is kind. My husband is one of those people who claim to be happy.
When we started dating, we had a lot of sex. But after a few years, it all turned out to be in vain. I can“t find desire for myself. I really tried. I bought all kinds of adult toys to arouse passion, and we used them several times. I read a lot about sexual problems in marriage and suggested he do the same, but he“s not interested.
He wanted to have sex, but she“s indifferent. When I suggest something new, he likes it, but he doesn“t show any initiative. I“m bored with him. I tried to spice up our intimate life, but I“m tired of carrying everything on my own.
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Eventually, we decided to have sex with other people. They say it sometimes helps. My sex drive has become very strong, but this does not apply to my husband. I still haven“t learned to desire him. I need sex, but my husband doesn“t make me want it. I know he wants me, and I wish things were different.“
„I“m tired of his passivity“
„My husband once told me that he doesn“t care about the details, but at least there“s sex because he knows I want it. I responded that such words make me feel like some kind of sex doll and destroy all desire. We then talked about sex a lot more and came to the conclusion that the strength of our relationship doesn“t lie in that.
My husband channels his energy into video games—that“s why he“s willing to use his watch. Sometimes I try to talk to him, but he doesn“t listen. He once promised that we would start experimenting in bed, but in the end, he never did. I“m fed up with initiating.
When I stopped making the first move, I realized sex had completely disappeared. It“s not fun being the one doing all the work. I watch the kids, do the housework, and provide emotional support. It kills all desire. After talking about sex again, sex happened anyway.
How can I bring back the passion? I love my husband, but I don“t want him.
“I still decided to leave”
We“ve been together for three years. And over the years I have pulled out all of our joint financial worries.
He had neither the education nor sufficient skills to find a good job. He didn“t want to change his position. Eventually, he found a part-time job. I personally carried it in my car every day. And he spent the money he earned only on himself.
As a result, he attracted me as him. I hated kissing him. We rarely had sex. Because I thought I had to do it. Conversation with him led nowhere.
I didn“t want to get a divorce, I was afraid. And I realized that I couldn’t do this anymore. And I’m glad I was on birth control back then—if we had children, the separation would have been much harder. „Besides, I wouldn“t want my child to become pregnant during tedious and grueling sex.“
“I imagined someone else in his place”
My ex-husband and I were together for ten years. Towards the end of our marriage, our sex life changed significantly. Sex became less and less frequent. He was not like us.
At first we didn“t pay attention to it because we were both busy with our careers. But then he started having problems — he started finishing too quickly. My sexual needs were not fully satisfied, but that didn“t bother him. I started to feel like just a sexy doll.
I lost the desire to have sex with him. When I was still sleeping with him, I started imagining other men instead of him. I was hoping this would help me get horny. It didn“t help. And the worst thing is that my husband began to notice that I was “not myself” in bed with him. He understood that I didn’t want to have sex, but he continued what he started to the end! After crying during the process.
Initially, we decided that my husband had a problem with early ejaculation. We went to a psychotherapist and began to follow her advice. Nothing helped. Then I realized that I was uncomfortable with the touch of my own husband.
I hated his kisses. I hated the advice the therapist gave us. I didn“t want to have sex with my husband. I perceived sex with him as some kind of unpleasant duty and felt that it was just like that. It was self-abuse because it wasn“t sex. I realized that this was the end.
It took me a long time to decide to divorce. It was a difficult and traumatic time for me. I was stressed and gained weight. But when we finally got divorced, everything changed. The weight began to melt away before our eyes, and my self-confidence gradually returned. Sometimes ending a relationship that seems bad is the best way to move forward.
