Love doesn“t always bring happiness. Is this normal?
When people dream of love or feel it in their hearts, they expect incredible happiness and joy. Unfortunately, each person has his own understanding of what is good and what is bad. That is why each person expects different things from love: reciprocity, joy, help and support. The reasons why love does not bring happiness are the problems that torment those who, instead of the expected joy, experienced pain and quarrels.
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Reasons why love can bring unhappiness
First of all, you need to be able to distinguish true love from false. In most cases, strong love addiction only brings pain. And what underlies this dependence — an emotional need or a material element — does not matter. In most cases, it affects not only teenagers, but also people with complex and other psychological problems.
Love addiction has its own typology.
- A codependent person loses his individuality and begins to live the life of his loved one. He seems to be fulfilling his masochistic fantasies and turning into an appendage.
- A codependent tries to take over his partner“s territory. He tries to become indispensable in order to impose control.
- The addict not only suppresses the individuality of his partner, but also displays sadistic tendencies and tries to destroy his boundaries.
It is obvious that no form of addiction can bring true happiness, even if it does not seem so at first. Addictions destroy not only love, but also the psyche of people. They lose the ability to form normal relationships and become generally more unhappy.
Although sometimes ordinary love brings disappointment
- Lack of trust and mutual respect. Many psychologists say that a person learns to trust in childhood when he understands that his parents love him and will never leave him. He was used to waiting until his mother left the room and then leaving work. If a person in childhood was not sure that he was loved, then, as an adult, he will not be able to calmly wait and trust. When building relationships, he tries to penetrate every area of his loved one’s life, controlling every step and constantly demanding feelings and emotions. All this leads to a feeling of fatigue, irritation and ultimately ends in failure.
- Many girls and boys wear so-called rose-colored glasses. Lack of life experience and naive gullibility make them ideal victims of scammers, selfish people and simply unprincipled people. Therefore, first love is often a disappointment and remains a difficult ordeal in the memory. Girls fall in love with bad boys who are cruel to them, abuse alcohol and drugs and use them for their own pleasure. Young people, especially from wealthy families, often fall into the hands of money hunters who not only want to cover up the sins of their youth.
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Many people think they can name the character traits that their ideal partner should have. But for some reason they often find happiness with.
Of course, one should not deny the wonderful and magical feeling of first love, but young people should listen to their parents more often and think for themselves.
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- Not ready for adult life. Falling in love is the most wonderful time of the year. The lovers are full of tenderness and strive to fulfill each other“s every whim. They come to each other at their best — the woman is always kind and loving, the man is caring, attentive and always ready to help. It seems to them that they cannot find anyone better, and this will always be the case. However, they make their own adjustments to everyday life, especially after they begin to build a life together. Demands on each other increase, and the willingness to meet halfway and sacrifice interests along the way may decrease. The girl waits, and it is the man who continues to yield to her in everything and takes on most of the problems. A person expects an established life and comfort. If their expectations do not match, confrontations and scandals begin, and soon joy is replaced by disappointment.
What to do if love doesn“t bring happiness
Psychologists have developed several tips for unhappy lovers.
- First of all, you need to try to see the good in your loved one, what“s in them and what makes you love them. Perhaps daily irritations prevent you from recognizing the kindness with which a woman greets you after work, or the fact that a man gets up early every day to make breakfast, warm up the car, and make sure his beloved sleeps in.
- It“s worth getting rid of the illusion that love alone can make life happier. However, making your life and the life of your partner better and more interesting requires daily effort, many actions and words. Don“t wait for someone else to do something; take matters into your own hands and be happy every day.
- Don“t carry over problems from work or the mood after a conversation with an unpleasant family member. The women and men you love aren“t to blame for problems at work, confrontations, or unpleasant conversations. Finally, if the feeling that life has lost all its color is truly growing, and the same question constantly rings in your head: „Why doesn“t love bring you happiness?“ then you need to stop and think. Maybe it really is worth breaking up, spending some time alone, and clearing your mind.
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