You can’t speak and be silent: what you shouldn’t do in a relationship
Not everything can be conveyed to parents, especially when it comes to skeletons in the closet, and even more so to partners. However, some behaviors not only seem egregious, but can also be so incomprehensible that it is impossible to understand anything about the opposite sex. What Men Talk About, What Women Think About – a film whose title fits perfectly into everyday life. Over generations and centuries, it is impossible to understand simple truths. But knowing this, everyone can avoid many bad thoughts and behaviors.
Contents of the article:
Don’t leave when they chase you away
When you leave, don’t leave. You can’t turn up the heat if your partner sometimes asks you to leave or infers it through their actions or words. Scandals, hysterics, misunderstandings – everything is now spoken from the heart. Psychologists call this type of communication “artificial distance.” A person runs away to get rid of negative feelings. But he doesn’t really want to be abandoned and left with his problems.
Oddly enough, they seem to have been expelled, but in fact they want to stay. Often almost. From my bell tower, I can say that this is a protective reflex. It doesn’t work intentionally unless you want your loved one to accidentally discharge it on you. I said that at first it was stupid, because there are protections and protections, but another thought and developed them, and then it became even worse because the idea turned out to be wrong. The end result is an explosion. Emotions, the desire to leave or avoid despair.
What should couples do if there are no exceptions in the form of resourcefulness and wisdom? Nervously and defiantly packing things up and trying to anger them even more. Unintentionally. They just go away, like a sensitive child who has to run or stop. But because they needed to be calmly reassured and shown that their partner is not afraid of aggression and is ready to live with both joy and sadness. As a result of incorrect reasoning and conclusions, couples break up due to misunderstandings. And it’s good that both are in different rooms – you can cool off and talk about everything.
Otherwise, victims of conflict will stop showing their emotions and will hide them deeply. No problem. They will not be brought into the hut from the mouth. There is understatement, bitterness due to the fact that “there is no one to talk to,” and the fear of saying the wrong thing. Everything seems frozen, but in fact it is under a layer of long-term dust. “What’s wrong with you?” and ask the question Think about it, is it worth discussing this now?
Never make a calculation
Read also: Online dating: what not to do on the first date
this never surprises people who date online. Currently, this is one of the most popular ways to find people for fun.
Either way, you will want to be treated the way you would like to be treated. But you should not openly declare that you will be happy to receive a return. You wouldn’t do anything to get a refund, would you? You won’t be forced to be nice, and the relationship will end as soon as you get tired of playing nice or being a good girl. For example, if you want to please your loved one, do not expect a kind gesture in return. It doesn’t sound very nice, but good is not sought from good.
Of course, prompted by attention, he will agree to the request to repay in the same coin, but outwardly – to the detriment. When you give in a way that you don’t want to receive. Noble refusal and reluctance to do such things are obvious consequences. And when he really wants passionate sex, he will ask for “retribution” in return.
It is unlikely that this relationship will last long. Therefore, to ask nicely, it is enough to do just that. This does not have to be immediately after the service. And yes, there is no need to be an angry, whining, capricious avenger if this person refuses to fulfill the request now. When the desire arises, he will certainly convey it. He’s not an animal. If you find that your partner doesn’t want to do something, think about it. Perhaps this happens not because you do not stimulate desire, but because of previous demands and “orders”.
What not to say in a relationship
Don’t say anything directly
Indeed, mothers work only with children and adults. Your mother may tell you that you don’t look good. Your spouse or lover is unlikely to appreciate such care. If things don’t seem to be improving, consider whether there is a legitimate reason for this. There may be a good reason, but no one cancels their commitment to self-care. You may find it difficult to shower right after work, run around the house with a broom in the middle of the night, or dump a rag onto a plate.
Many things and behaviors are imperfect. And conversation is all in the head. You can gently help your loved one do things differently, the way you like. It doesn’t matter if problems arise. Vice versa.
Then you can resort to more serious manipulations in the best sense of the word. When “you can” turns into “you can’t”, you start thinking with your own head. Although the psychology of women and men is different, one thing remains the same: women are more likely to think with their heads. This is what relationships are. Even Marxism stipulates that “Here the moral and psychological elements are worth more than the reward.” The same is true in relationships.
If two people cannot understand each other, they should not jump to conclusions. It is much wiser to find out the reason and talk about it. Then a lot can be revealed and, in general, some truths hidden behind the scenes of the scandal will become known. Then it is easier to talk about the most terrible things.
Mistakes in relationships // What not to do in a relationship? // Secrets of long-term relationships
