Tired of everyday life in relationships? How to avoid it — advice from psychologists
Tired of everyday life in relationships? How to avoid it — advice from psychologists
Cohabitation, or as it is often said, everyday life in a relationship, is a phenomenon that cohabiting couples cannot avoid. And here it’s completely
As a rule, young (or not so young) people, endlessly in love with each other, are so happy with each other that they certainly decide to live together. And here, at the end of the candy-bouquet period, the worst thing begins — an avalanche of family (more precisely, common) life falls on partners at breakneck speed.
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The all-consuming passion of falling in love eventually passes and gives way to a critical assessment of the partner. It is at this stage that all his shortcomings become noticeable, but no one ever paid attention to them. As a result of all this, it is the everyday life of relationships that becomes a kind of stumbling block between lovers and the traditional cause of ongoing disagreements.
In addition, we should not discount the fact that home comfort is important for both women and men (of course, we are not talking about those few geniuses who are preoccupied with personal problems; we are talking about the few who are not). We don’t even notice the too high sofas and armchairs, the piles of garbage around them).
Everyday life, insidiously absorbing love
An established joint life is absolutely necessary for spouses to feel comfortable and pleasant living together. As a rule, there is nothing scary or impossible about this, as it seems at first glance. However, as practice shows, organizing the process and equitable distribution of responsibilities is not possible for all married couples. Sooner or later, for many of them, there comes a point when everyday life in a relationship simply destroys it and reduces all love and romance to zero.
Household duties
In most cases, it is the division and fulfillment of certain household responsibilities that becomes the cause of quarrels and scandals. On the one hand, it may seem that it is easier to talk with your other half over a cup of tea or a glass of wine about the conditions for living together and equal sharing of all household responsibilities than in the evening. Yes, it all sounds very simple. However, not every couple running a typical household can do all of this.
Moreover, in addition to household chores, the concept of „daily life in a relationship“ includes a huge number of smaller factors that can lead one of the partners to a falling out. Each couple is unique in its own way. Maybe:
- A tube of toothpaste with the cap removed placed in the sink.
- The socks were removed and left to „rest in peace“ next to the sofa.
- The toilet lid that he didn“t lift.
- The miasma of her nail polish spreads throughout the apartment.
- Her hair was carelessly scattered all over the bathroom and sink.
- After breakfast, dirty dishes remained on the table (after all, it takes 100 kilograms to get to the sink).
The list of such “terrible” little things is endless. From the outside it looks a little strange. It would seem that we need to consider what exactly the partner does not like and draw the appropriate conclusions. Yes, the only problem is that all partners want to change or change habits that have direct roots, naively believing that the spouse is obliged to simply reconcile and accept everything as it is.
Lack of common goal
Often, when couples are not working towards a common goal, tensions in the home begin to rear their head. In other words, for one of the spouses, the coziness and comfort of home is an integral element of family life, while the other simply does not care about it. In this case, it becomes completely natural that the second partner does not participate in establishing a gingerbread life together.
Such problems are very difficult to solve. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself goes on almost endlessly. Only those who sincerely love each other and do not allow the everyday life of relationships to kill their beautiful and tender romantic feelings can find a way out of this situation.
Preliminary arrangements
Many couples, and this applies mainly to older and wiser partners, prefer not to suffer from the problems of family life, but simply to prevent their occurrence. Many agree that such a decision in itself is correct and reasonable, but not everyone is able to make it on time.
At the same time, this is not at all difficult to do; Many psychologists recommend joking in conversation to make the task easier. Therefore, it is much easier not to offend your partner and to gently point out any “bad intentions” that you do not intend to forgive.
Men and women are separate, self-sufficient individuals, even though they live together or plan to live together. They have already formed characters and habits, and only truly loving people are ready to provide comfort and coziness to each other and eradicate some of their character flaws. Don“t ruin each other“s mood. It is best to compromise and reach a consensus that suits both.
Read also: The main secrets of a long and happy relationship. Advice from psychologists
Many women dream of a romance that will last a lifetime. So that it’s like in the movies: first meetings, first kisses, weddings, children and other paraphernalia.
In the grand scheme of things, you should let go of the little things and always remember that day-to-day life in a relationship is a phenomenon that is not that difficult to deal with. In our crazy world, it is much more difficult to find a person with whom you want to live your whole life. And to be honest, it’s much easier to close the tube of toothpaste, rinse your hair out of the sink, or put away your loved one’s socks than to cry on your pillow at night and regret that he doesn’t exist. Life.
The division of responsibilities is an effective means of combating household problems
Couples who have managed to cope with the issue of sharing responsibilities are already doomed to happiness and success. Together they have avoided serious disagreements and continue to love and respect each other.
The initial period of euphoria, during which both he and she strive to please their significant other by washing, cooking and cleaning, soon ends. As a rule, the effort soon ends, and all this destructive work begins to take away the strength of both.
At this stage, it is very important to correctly distribute responsibilities. We are talking about the division of male and female household responsibilities, which is a very important aspect of the work of two partners.
After all, it“s no secret that there are certain household chores that one partner wants to do more than the other. By the way, this section does not imply the use of standard clichés or stereotypes.
For example, cooking. On the one hand, for centuries this was considered the responsibility of a woman — the keeper of the stove. However, in our time, no one has denied the presence of many men who really enjoy preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Why everyday life destroys relationships. everyday life in relationships. what to do to bring emotions into the relationship.
This attitude should be against all household responsibilities, given the lifetime earnings. After all, if a wife has a successful career and brings in a stable and very large income and, on the contrary, cannot realize herself at work, then it is quite possible to leave the responsibilities of raising a child on her shoulders. Perhaps this is what he does much better than his wife.
Thus, each spouse takes his place, and the relationship does not suffer from the “sharp fangs” of family life. Here you should not pay attention to the subordinate parental relative or acquaintance or the Frenchman. This is a personal family life, and how to manage it is a matter exclusively for two people.
In addition, it is worth living in a family where both husband and wife work in the same mode. Here it is very important to know that when the husband returns home in the evening after a busy day, household chores should also be done together. It is very unfair when the husband lies on the sofa with a newspaper or sits comfortably in a computer chair, fighting with yet another virtual monster, while the wife spins a squirrel in a wheel or hangs in an eternal circle. Kitchen stove, washing machine, vacuum cleaner.
Many would call such an agreement an unfair matter to say the least. And the truth is that not every love can withstand prolonged use. It is not without reason that they say that a monkey can turn into a reasonable person precisely and only thanks to its perseverance. A man should not turn into lazy Zi Babin. By helping a woman on her way home from work, as he does, he is guaranteed to help her avoid the inevitable epic scandal when she chooses the sofa and the newspaper as her priorities.
Team-based team games can work wonders. We can achieve this by following mutually established rules:
Redistribution of “power”
It is not uncommon for responsibility to appear to have been shared for a long, long time. Then suddenly it happens that some of them begin to overload their partners, who took immediately. Don“t worry about your fingers. In some cases, you need to sit down and shrink everything that“s on the shelf. In others, at least for a while, slowly get up and help, free your other half from the disgusting routine.
In most cases, the prerogative of the female half of the family is to organize family comfort and everyday life — curtains, napkins, tastefully selected bed linen and dishes. In this case, men need to take a direct part in more physically difficult activities. For example, touching shelves in convenient places or moving cabinets in convenient places.
The same applies to various mechanisms. Most men would rather disassemble and reassemble a washing machine or vacuum cleaner than carefully iron their shirt collars that cannot be straightened (unless they need repairs, of course). Let the wife do it better. As they say, to each his own.
Don“t let each other get bogged down with household responsibilities
This recommendation applies mainly to men. It“s worth helping when you see how she listens to how you clean, wash and cook. There are no limits to marital gratitude. She, of course, appreciates the care and repays it handsomely. By helping each other, partners are surrounded by a cloud of serene romance and can maintain the fire of love throughout their lives.
Conversely, if one of the spouses becomes a slave, sooner or later a rebellion will occur. The once passionate and sensual love disappears in the process.
Both sadness and joy — these are the words that lovers once said to each other. They must never be forgotten. Only in this case, thanks to mutual understanding and mutual support, can a couple go with the flow of family life for decades.
The realities of modern life are already very complex. There is no need to reinforce what is happening in society with “struggles” at home. Spouses who once dreamed of turning their lives into a fairy tale can make this dream come true. All that is required is a sincere desire to be together and preserve your love. In this case, the daily life of the relationship cannot destroy what the spouses desire and maintain in marriage.
