About the past: talking about exes. And when should you sound the alarm?
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Sooner or later in any relationship, the question of previous partners arises. Whether this connection exists or not, the reasons for the breakup, who she is and who he is. All these issues are discussed in couples at the beginning of a relationship. When all the points are on me. Subsequently, mention of a former lover sometimes slips through. Often with disputes and more.
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as time passes and new relationships develop, all talk about the past becomes meaningless. But the conversation does not stop, and it happens that some details are invented or do not add up. And you need to be vigilant.
Comparison
If your partner is constantly being compared to the first, you should be seriously vigilant. In the beginning, this serves as a manipulation that women often use. “My ex wouldn’t let me work here.” It’s not always nostalgia for the past. Often this is a provocation. After all, comparison with others affects a person like red rags on a bull. The reason for this woman’s behavior is obvious – to put pressure on you in order to arouse sympathy, to force you to dance or dance to your tune.
This often works. Someone wants and strives to become better than primitive man. Someone gets angry, a quarrel occurs, and the woman gets the desired emotion. Someone buys her an expensive necklace.
Comparisons from men are also a way of specific manipulation and pressure. “She didn’t know how to cook very tasty food, would you like to bake a pie?” Alternatively, the person has not let go of his feelings, and every event reminds him of the past and forces him to compare and look for the best in the present. The man doubts, as if convinced of the correctness of his choice.
Comparison can mean longing for life in the past. If a couple relaxes naturally, the partner remembers with nostalgia how they actually went to a barbecue with friends. How good and sincere. Nostalgia for the past and constant comparisons indicate a person’s unpreparedness for new relationships.
He has not yet let go of his former love, but he has not sorted out his own feelings. Ghosts of past relationships haunt him and prevent him from enjoying the new sensations and impressions that a new partner gives.
Too emotional
Read also: How to Tell if Your Ex is the Real Problem
at the beginning of a new relationship, you like everything about the person. In euphoria, a person does not pay attention to various little things. Then various questions begin to arise.
He should also be wary of violent reactions when talking about the past. You can’t talk about calm and relaxation about your former relationship; you need to be able to talk about the past. Each word is flavored with a significant degree of cultural expression, accompanied by emotions and pronounced gestures. Or the person doesn’t want to talk about the past at all. Attempts to find out about a previous love can be severely suppressed or develop into disputes. This means that the person has something to hide. This is not good.
When a person is completely, physically and emotionally freed from past connections, when he has passed a certain stage in life, he does not have vivid feelings for the slightest memories. Partners are ready to discuss past experiences and talk about mistakes, reasons for quarrels and breakups.
They are willing to be open and frank in new relationships. And the end has not yet been set in past relationships and tries to stop, hide or talk about it too emotionally.
It’s not my fault
Shifting the blame for the breakup onto another person is another red flag. There are always two people who are to blame. And a person who has successfully said goodbye in the past knows and admits this. He openly talks about the mistakes he has made. In other words, he is aware of them, repents and does not step on the same rake. He is not afraid to start a relationship with such a person.
However, a person who shifts the blame for the breakup of a relationship onto another person and blames his ex-partner for all his sins cannot be trusted. Perhaps it was his behavior that caused the breakup. He may have been disloyal, dishonest, rude and disrespectful. And he brings the same model of behavior into new relationships. In the end, he does not consider himself guilty. In his humble opinion, he is perfect.
Keep in touch
When ex-partners keep in touch, the current half doesn’t like it. Yes, they maintained a good relationship after the breakup. Perhaps they work together and their communication is inevitable. However, current partners should be aware of this.
Hiding it won’t achieve anything. Hiding your relationship with your ex means arousing great suspicion and undermining trust. And such a reaction would be very justified. After all, there is no need to hide them if the relationship maintained is only of a working or friendly nature.
If you’re unhappy that your partner has been communicating with their exes lately, it’s time to speak up. Men and women should be open, demanding truth and openness. This is the right step, which will help avoid omissions, silent resentment, and cracks in trust. Open communication helps resolve problems and builds confidence in both lovers.
For more information on how to become a better ex, read the article at the link.
