How to stop loving someone if you still have feelings?
Love is a wonderful thing. This is a bright and gentle feeling that makes us better and makes the world around us better. But it is also true that it is love that causes the greatest pain. Another truth: the world is complex. Only in Shakespeare”s plays is there absolute, beautiful love, and only external circumstances prevent it.
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In the real world, you may have to give up love in order to be happy, for example, when your feelings are not reciprocated or when your partner behaves in a way that makes your life with him unhappy, depressing, or perhaps even dangerous. Yes, it”s not easy. Why this is difficult and how — you can find out here.
Why is it difficult to stop loving someone?
Indeed, in addition to the social layer (the “myth of romantic love” as an invariable element of happiness, without which happiness is simply impossible), love affects the human body biochemically. As proved by B. D. Arp, O. A. Wudarczyk, B. Foddy, and J.
Savulescu in his study “Love addiction: what is it and when should it be treated?” in which it can be said that love acts like a drug and is addictive. And serotonin.
These are substances that create feelings of trust, joy and reward for effort, and, ironically, these same substances are produced, for example, by the brains of gamers. Sad irony.
This is why it is so difficult to get rid of love, especially unhealthy and abusive love.
In addition, you and the person whose heart you want to break must experience moments of intimacy and trust. Breaking this bond is difficult, and it is normal to experience pain in the process.
In addition, there are additional social reasons, especially if you are in a long-term relationship with this person and you need to develop new habits and a new lifestyle. You need to get used to being a “single person” again, get used to solving everyday problems on your own, and deal with the reaction of your environment to the breakup.
All of this comes together to make it very difficult to stop loving someone. Be understanding of your pain. There is no need to downplay it or pretend it doesn”t exist. Moreover, there is no need to be ashamed of it. That”s how she is, and that”s okay.
And below you will learn how to deal with it and get it out of the mind of someone who does not deserve its presence.
How to stop loving someone: five tips
- Be honest with yourself.
Prepare a sheet of paper or open any text editor. Then write down all the reasons why you want to get rid of this person in your heart. All the bad things he or she did to you, all the rude things he or she said, all the broken promises, forgotten holidays, etc. that are worse “with him” (or her) than “without him” (or without her).
Watch for loyalty to you. It’s inconvenient to remember this, you are looking for excuses for your partner — this is normal, this is called rationalization, you want to justify him (her) in order to maintain the state of your relationship, you want to find a rational reason, and it does not boil down to “he, this guy, already treats me.” It doesn”t boil down to the fact that “he seems to be coping with me already.” But this must be recognized.
Read also: How to understand that a girl has fallen out of love and what to do about it
How can you understand that she has fallen out of love, that feelings pass, but everyday interactions remain under the same roof? Transience of love Love, oddly enough, is fleeting.
Later, when you want to get back to him (or her), you can re-read this text and remember why you decided to end this relationship.
This does not change your attachment to this person. However, it may help you understand what your relationship is really about, and seeing it from this new, more rational perspective may ease or change your feelings.
- Acknowledge all the good things that happened between you.
Yes, this is another important step. If you are in the stage of trying to stop loving someone, you are probably trying to deceive yourself about the person”s importance to you, judging their impact on your life as insignificant. So it doesn”t matter that you are no longer together.
Not true. Any relationship, even the shortest one, has an impact on its participants. Perhaps this person changed your worldview, showed you a new movie you now love, taught you a new hobby, got you a coffee you now love. And so it was. This is important. You had some good times together. Remember them all, let them know how important they are.
Release them later.
How to stop loving? sadhguru
This realization can be painful. It”s normal to experience pain, but don”t judge it. This does not negate the importance of the reasons that led you to the decision to stop loving this person. Remember this.
- Talk to someone.
Perhaps now you want to hide in the darkest corner there is and stay there forever. Ideally, it is covered with potato sacks. This won”t be a problem. But now it’s better not to be alone — loneliness destroys and forces you to stew in these experiences again and again.
So talk to people you trust and who you know won”t judge you. Emotional verbalization takes the pressure off your psyche and helps you understand that you have made the absolutely right decision.
If the breakup was completely painful for you, this is absolutely normal, and it would be wise for you to consult a psychologist. During this period, you may experience symptoms of depression as you deal with the loss. This is a natural process, and professional help here can make your life much easier.
- Remember that this will take some time.
Stopping loving someone does not mean turning the switch and pressing the “that’s it, I don’t love you anymore” button. It will take time to get over your feelings for the person who is letting you go. Allow yourself to move through all the stages of acceptance without judging the pace at which you move along this path. No matter how important the end result: take control of your emotions and your life.
- Think about the future.
The decision to break off this relationship and destroy these feelings was made for a reason. These feelings hurt you, didn”t they? They did worse for you. But now that this relationship and this person are in the past, you turn his thoughts to the future.
What awaits you? You can decide your own destiny and do what you have dreamed of for so long. There are so many possibilities ahead, so many paths, so many people you can love. And after a while, against the backdrop of all these new opportunities, your new life, your old pain, your old feelings freeze irrevocably. Remember this and allow this thought to calm you down.
Take care of yourself during this difficult time. Give yourself time and be kind and understanding. And remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Good luck!
