To give birth or not to give birth — that is the question
The decision to have or not have children is one of the most important and intimate decisions in a woman’s life. This is often a source of great doubt and suffering, and at the same time everyone feels entitled to climb into your womb and decide what will be born there and what will not.
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In such situations, it can be helpful to hear stories from other women who have been in the same situation as you and have experienced similar situations. Some people decide to have a child, some don’t, but it’s still a very personal and individual process. You can participate in their experiences and see whose stories resonate with you the most.
Those who chose to give birth
- “World domination. It”s always easier when you have helpers.”
Okay, seriously, I”ve always wanted to have a big family. I was well aware that time, emotional and financial obligations held many people back.
People don”t want to give up the opportunity to sleep in on the weekends or plan the occasional trip mid-year. What from Nesh? This is absolutely normal. People don”t need to sacrifice anything.
Personally, I was drawn to the idea of little people waking up at dawn to prepare a bowl of porridge. Disney”s Friday karaoke jam looked fun.
I believe this is the same pattern in which some people invest in professions that require a lot of return and offer little reward for that return. Like these professions, parenting is not for everyone.
Your thoughts about wanting more and leaving something behind are not much different from how I felt when I was 24 years old. In raising children you need to give, give and give again. If you”re lucky, you”ll leave behind a group of people who adore you and make the world a better place. Make sure you are prepared. “The pay is high” — Audair Allen.
It is clear that this is not for everyone.
If you haven”t stood in front of an angry lion to save a child, don”t have one.
If you don”t agree to live in poverty because you quit your job to care for a child with special needs, don”t have children.
Don”t have a child unless you worked two jobs to support it.
Don”t have a child unless you donate a kidney to a sick child.
Don”t have a child if you can”t accept a gay or transgender person.
Don”t have children if you think there is an age when you will no longer care for or be around adult children.
Children are a complete and lifelong responsibility. They are worth it.” — Kitty Jampier, single mother of five. They are all good people. I think I did the right thing.
- It wasn”t my decision. I always wanted children. I love their innocence and curiosity and luckily my family has been very supportive. If I were alone, it would be almost impossible.
I love, love, love my children, but I understand that having two also requires time, energy, attention and most importantly, they need a supportive environment — their parents. Just as plants need food, light and care, children need a lot of love, time and, above all, safety.
If a person is unable to provide all this, does not want to cooperate with others and believes that he can do it alone, the idea of having children should be abandoned. — Siri Gamuti.
Read also: How to answer the question “do you have a boyfriend?” 100 replies
Sometimes I really don’t want to directly answer the question of curious men: “What do you want to do?” It depends on the purpose for which this is usually asked.
Those who choose not to give birth
- Because I don”t want to.
You could write an entire dissertation on the daunting prospect of pregnancy and childbirth, the social, economic and psychological disadvantages of parenthood, the loss of autonomy, identity and freedom. All this could be true, but it is not discussed, no matter how rationalized it is.
I find it interesting that the dominant cultural narrative about motherhood requires people to give up in order to justify a lack of desire, but does not require the same degree of introspection about a choice that is arguably as important and meaningful as having children.
By choosing not to reproduce, I have no impact on anyone”s life except my own, but by choosing to have children, parents not only radically change the course of their own lives, but in some sense play with the lives of other people.
In other words, why do people decide to have children? No matter how rational they may be, I am sure that their answer will ultimately be mine.
I also take this opportunity to dispel some common myths and stereotypes about childless people, especially childless women.
As a child, I was not neglected or abused. For the most part, I had a wonderful childhood in a supportive home environment with loving parents. The idea that childless people must have been traumatized in childhood is understandable on the surface, but ridiculous when taken to its logical conclusion.
It”s like asking someone why they don”t eat tomatoes. Perhaps they”ve had a bad experience with tomatoes in the past? Perhaps, but more likely, they just don”t like the taste.
Secondly, I”m not a very ambitious careerist. I want to achieve my goals, but I don”t want to work 80 hours a week to climb the corporate ladder or become a successful entrepreneur.
I respect and admire such people, but their lifestyle, like my parents”, isn”t for me. I find the career/family dichotomy oddly counterproductive. What about your interests and hobbies? Traveling? Friendships?
Thirdly, I don”t dislike children. I”ve worked with small children. I can”t leave a group of friends until the little ones refuse to leave me. I enjoy interacting with children, and they seem to like me too. I realize this is an unpopular opinion, and it”s something I hate in real life. I”m not interested in raising children.
- Besides, there are a few other reasons.
To have or not to have, that is the question.
To give birth or not to give birth, that is the question
You can”t just let a child be taken away from you. From what I”ve heard, it hurts. It hurts deeply.
I have health issues that I don”t want to pass on to my future children.
Babies don”t just appear out of nowhere. It has to get into my belly somehow. I”m asexual. No, thank you.
I have no maternal instincts whatsoever. The baby cries? I just want it to shut up and go away. It sounds harsh, but it”s true. I would be a terrible mother, and I know I don”t want my child to treat me like a parent.
Raising children is expensive.
Do you know how much time a day is spent on childcare? How much effort does it require? As a career-oriented person, I would probably neglect my children in favor of work. And no child should have to go through that.
I don”t want a relationship with a man. Being raised by a single mother isn”t the best prospect for a child.
For example. A complete list of reasons why I don”t want children — Carson Ashton:
“I don”t need them. And there are already too many people in the world who do. Also:
- I don”t want to waste 18 years of my life raising another.
I don”t want to spend money on baby products. Children cost money.
A child is worth two, right? I don”t want a romantic relationship. I”m 36 and I”m single for life. I”m only happy when I”m alone.
I”d rather live in a house with animals than with people.
I love peace, quiet, and the ability to do whatever I want.
I don”t want to risk becoming a single mother. I was raised by a single mother and saw how hard it is.
I prefer freedom and don”t want extra baggage in my life, be it a husband, wife, or child.
I have no maternal instincts. Children just feel awkward.
To have or not to have, that is the question of our age.
