How to keep your relationship fresh if your marriage lasts more than a year
Most relationships follow a well-trodden path. The operating model boils down to the same scenario. At first, when people start dating, they are madly in love and want to spend hours in each other”s company. However, this is not always the case. Scientific evidence shows that periods of full breath and enthusiasm last from six months to a year.
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Then sex becomes less and less frequent and they become an “old married couple.” For some people this seems quite normal and inevitable, but others do not want to put up with the routine and are looking for ways to understand this problem.
Expert advice
Fortunately, the process of extinction of passion is reversible, and it can, even must, be brought back to life! Barbara and Michael Jonas, authors of The Book of Love, Laughter, and Romance, have collected hundreds of tips from many happy couples to help them recapture their passion and enthusiasm. But first we need to dive into the properties of hormone production, which have a great influence on the sexual sphere of a person’s life.
A look from the inside
There is one such neurotransmitter — dopamine, which is directly related to emotions. When a person falls in love, the level of this hormone increases several times. It makes a person feel energetic, excited and obsessed. All characteristics of falling in love are determined by the level of dopamine. Along with this hormone, testosterone is also produced, which stimulates sexual desire. As you know, increased libido is a characteristic feature of crazy love.
Unfortunately, this pleasure does not last long. Several studies of both newlyweds and couples who have been married for 40 years have found that elevated dopamine levels stay in the body for an average of about seven months and then decline. And in hot weather.
But don”t be upset. Once this exciting period ends, it gives way to a period of affection. It is also associated with hormonal changes — oxytocin and vasopressin levels increase, creating a feeling of security, trust and satisfaction with your partner in the long term.
Read also: How to protect relationships and preserve your love: 5 tips for lovers
They say that love lasts three years, but often a crisis in the relationship between lovers occurs much earlier than this. However, the question is how to save.
The principle of novelty
And this is great news! Another not very good news. By increasing the level of dopamine in the body, sexual passion can be restored. How? It”s very simple. All you need is to focus on each other, add newness to the relationship and do something previously unusual.
Dating is the key to rekindling the passion and flame between partners. It is necessary to set a date when this meeting will take place. In this case, one person is responsible for organizing the event, and the other decides when exactly to meet and what to wear.
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Each of these dates should contain three elements: togetherness, fun and sex. This activity is exciting, but at the same time terribly simple. After this, you will feel your interest in intimacy with your partner increasing — this is all the work of dopamine.
Reflect the romance of days gone by
These dates recreate the old days when they first started dating and were only focused on each other. These meetings speak without words about a person’s love and affection. This always increases your happiness and enthusiasm levels. Even planning a date brings anticipation of something wonderful, fun and passionate. Again, this is a dopamine trick.
Make plans for these dates. Make a schedule at least twice a month, taking turns, so that each partner feels directly involved in renewing the old relationship. Planning is very important. When you first start dating someone, your focus is on each other. However, when dopamine decreases, this concentration also disappears. Planning helps to renew this attention to each other.
It is equally important that everyone takes turns taking responsibility. People invest their creative energy in relationships alternately, focusing primarily on their partner”s pleasure. Through his actions, a person shows how important his partner is to him. Increased interest in each other and mutual pleasure enliven everyday life and turn it into an exciting journey.
Surprises are a common cure for boredom and predictability. Experts strongly recommend always making time for each other so that there are no unexpected surprises. It doesn”t have to be material. Enough new impressions. Doctors can”t explain the role of dopamine in all of this, but novelty increases dopamine levels, which leads to increased interest in each other. Perhaps this is why people often say when they fall in love that there is an inexplicable chemistry between us.
