I have a boyfriend, but I want sex with someone else — is this normal?
You are in a relationship, you are happy with everything, but for some reason you are attracted to another guy, a new friend, or even just a celebrity. This is fine? Does this indicate there is a problem in your relationship? Does this indicate that you want to change it? So what do you do next? These questions are answered by psychologists and real people, users of the qua website who have gone through similar experiences.
Contents of the article:
Is this treason?
No, this is not treason.
Even purely technically: thoughts are not actions. Of course, I had to think about sex with another man, about relationships, but also about other “illegal” or morally unethical things: if no one sees it (not even the theft itself, but just for fun, adrenaline), great, I hate this guy, I’m ready to kill him if something bad happens to him.
But these thoughts do not make you a thief or a murderer. These are thoughts that arise on the spur of the moment.
Cheating is an action. If you actually sleep with another person and start dating and interacting with them in a romantic way, it becomes a betrayal (and when it comes to a monogamous relationship, because polyamory still exists in the world).
As for the moral and ethical side of the issue, sexual attraction, as a rule, does not depend to a large extent on your status (whether you choose a relationship, marriage, or prefer to sail alone) and moral principles.
Yes, there are people who are not completely governed by the chosen or the unelected. However, such people are a single whole, and in most cases their loyalty to loved ones is the result of a conscious choice, and not a complete lack of attraction.
So relax. Think of the attraction you feel for another man as the attraction you feel for your favorite TV show actor. When you dream of your beloved face, sigh and admire its beauty, you don’t think that you are deceiving your chosen one?
Why is this happening?
- Hormonal background. You may now be experiencing a surge in libido, and therefore you are attracted to everyone who is more or less attractive;
- You came out of the state of intense love for your boyfriend, your relationship became calmer, and therefore you began to notice that there are plenty of other fish in the sea;
- Your boyfriend isn”t satisfying your sexual needs. You know the saying about empty balls and a full stomach? Do you think that doesn”t work with women? No, women have sensual, sexual needs too, and if they aren”t met, it”s logical that she might start to feel attracted to another person.
- You”re missing something in the relationship that you think this guy can provide. For example, your boyfriend is unemotional, reserved, and distant, while the guy at work flirts, shows attention, and pays compliments. Or vice versa: your boyfriend is childish and unreliable, while the guy you like is rock solid.
- Chemistry. Sometimes it happens that a spark flies between two people, they are attracted to each other, irrationally, without any particular reason, but intensely.
- You are polyamorous and capable of experiencing romantic feelings and sexual attraction to several people simultaneously. You”re simply bored romantically and sexually, so your brain generates desire for new experiences, fantasies, and sensations.
- Read also:
My wife wants sex with another man, what should I do? Is this normal? Or is this a playful fantasy about your wife telling you you”re unworthy of her in bed? Norms and Rules for couples in
What to do?
What to do?
Consider what exactly you want from this young man. Do you just want to sleep with him? Do you want a romantic relationship with him? Do you simply like him as a potential sexual partner, roughly speaking, a beautiful body in bed, a potential romantic partner?
- How serious is this? Are you willing to give up a relationship with someone you”re already in for someone you”re attracted to? Or do you understand that with this person, at most, you”ll have a short fling, not worth ruining your established relationship for? Is your relationship with your boyfriend okay? Does he meet all your needs—romantic, sensual, sexual? Perhaps you”re missing compliments, attention, and affection from him, or is your love being consumed by routine, or is he not listening to your sexual desires? Is there something you can gain through open communication and relationship work, rather than cheating?
- Consider your polyamory or your inclination toward open relationships. If you experience deep, romantic feelings for two people simultaneously, it could be polyamory.
- If you accept that you are in a relationship but can have sex on the side (and accept that your partner does it too — for example, you may believe that sex is a physiological need, like eating or sleeping, no one eats, is not nourished and was not jealous if I slept outside the house) — perhaps an open relationship is right for you.
- When it comes to taking action, you have few options.
My boyfriend is kissing my little sister?! I”m shocked
You love your boyfriend, and you have sexual desire for another man, but you are not ready to ruin the relationship because of this — nothing will work out. Literally nothing, just enjoy your erotic fantasies and the attraction will go away on its own.
My boyfriend is kissing my little sister?! I”m shocked
You realize that something is missing in your relationship — talk about it with your partner, talk about your needs and ask him to meet you halfway to make it easier for both of you. Try not to blame them and put both of you in a position where you are “against the problem, not against each other.”
Have you found yourself in polyamory or are you ready for an open relationship? Think about how you think your boyfriend will react to this, whether his reaction is aggressive or not. Test the waters thoroughly, send him material on this matter, and then call him for a conversation, but mentally prepare in advance for how you can end this dialogue.
What do people say?
“There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with someone. Attraction, and especially sexual attraction, cares more about the spread of genes than it does about your opinion. My point of view: this is completely normal. There is nothing to feel guilty or bad about. In fact, your boyfriend himself has probably felt attracted to someone, more than once.
What do people say?
- If your boyfriend seems quite mature to you, discuss this issue with him so that he can help you. Discuss your relationship. If you can”t have that conversation, avoid, if possible, the man you want.” — Ali Saleem, Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan.
“Wanting to have sex with someone else is not cheating. Having sex with someone else is cheating. It”s natural to feel the urge to have sex with someone else from time to time. Sometimes (but not necessarily) this can be a sign to reconsider your relationship and goals.” — Jay Bazzinotti
“If you are in a monogamous relationship, then yes, if you make love to someone else behind their back, it will be cheating. Why have a boyfriend if you”re attracted to someone else? I”m just curious. But in any case, no guy wants to share with a girl he really cares about. If you cheat on him and he says that everything is fine, then he will use it to get rid of you.
- If you really want another man, you risk losing the one you already have. This will definitely change. But dreaming about it is not treason. But it all starts with a thought — Ala Capelli
- Great morningstern concert!!! not a Cadillac! parody!!
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