How to understand that you are playing with one goal in a relationship?
When people meet for the first time, they really want to make the best impression. It’s rare to meet a person who lays out all the subtleties and nuances on the first date. Then compassion is born, which flows into love.
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During the courtship period, people try their best not to lose face. How many girls are embarrassed to eat in the presence of their chosen one? What can you say about true honesty? When the relationship moves to the next stage, difficulties begin.
Both of you relax. Memories that you don”t want to talk about may come up. Ghosts of the past emerge, with which other participants in the relationship often compare themselves. Frankness becomes harsh. The lover has a voice. Personal boundaries and the establishment of rules and prohibitions come to the fore.
This is all completely normal, since the negotiation process sometimes leads to conflicts. Having hundreds of skeletons in your closet makes it much easier to live together, start a family and raise children. However, not everyone behaves this way. There are many examples of how people fell in love, suppressed their nature and worshiped the chosen one.
How would you rate yourself in a relationship? You may have recently experienced the pain and emotional turmoil of hiding behind the imaginary landscape of your own life. Lying to yourself and your loved ones is the path to the abyss. Today we will talk about mistakes that are guaranteed to lead to separation.
Indulgence for the sake of peace
Smoothing out rough edges is a useful life skill. We all need to be more attentive to problematic situations and compromise. But don”t bow down to your loved one and keep your mouth shut.
He loves it when you are waiting for him from work in beautiful clothes, when a delicious dinner is served at the table, when the apartment sparkles with cleanliness. But what if today is “that day” when a woman does not want and cannot set the table at the speed of a rocket and smile through 32 teeth?
When you depend on your partner”s mood, you have to overcome any obstacle by force. Grinding your teeth in pain, you wipe the floor, run into the store and drag out three heavy bags of groceries. If he does not find the expected environment at home, the person becomes upset. Or even causes a scandal. Worse, an arrogant look and harsh phrases about bankruptcy appear.
Read also: How to understand that a man is serious about you
It would be great if every person at the beginning of a relationship honestly stated their intentions — “I’m only trying this hard because I want to sleep with you.”
A truly loving person does not need special treatment. He can live without an ironed shirt in his wardrobe. He can cook his own dinner, and so can you. If something is bothering you, talk to him directly and discuss it. It is impossible to spend your entire life trembling at the thought of being kicked out for violating certain rules or regulations.
Constant excuses
About football in the family. one-goal game.
Let”s say your wife doesn”t work. You have no children together. She spends her days shopping and watching TV. When she gets home, she doesn”t find dinner in the refrigerator or orders it from the cupboard. Friends say that the girl takes money from you while she is fiddling with it. She also doesn”t do anything, which makes her suitable for sudden arguments.
Shouldn”t a husband think badly of his wife? But what if she really doesn”t appreciate him? Sometimes it’s not easy to open your eyes, take off your rose-colored glasses and objectively assess the situation. When talking to parents, you need to look down. Friends begin to disappear because every statement they make about your relationship leads to conflict.
Unreasonable admiration
Many films about geniuses and creative individuals show how their soul mates suffer. While the “great” man is in search, the wife is forced to look for additional sources of income. Indeed, similar relationships exist in families of idle people, drug addicts or alcoholics.
Kolya is not functioning. His wife Nina, however, mops the floor at a bank in the morning, sits at the supermarket checkout counter during the day, and walks the dog in the evening. The fact that Petya does nothing gives her great pleasure from washing the dishes once a month. This is not a feat, but it is standard housework that needs to be done. By recognizing that relationships are built on mutual care and respect, you can leave such toxic relationships without regret.
Giving flowers to your wife on her birthday is not a feat, but a sign of attention. Men who present this as a unique gesture do not like the gesture they choose. Coexistence to create comfortable conditions for one of the partners always suffers secondarily. Don”t sacrifice your life on the altar. All people deserve love. Healthy admiration for loved ones can only happen in a harmonious family.
We are not asking you to end this problematic relationship. The point is different. People need to calmly assess the situation, talk openly and compromise. If only one side works, the mechanism will soon stop functioning. Moreover, negative life experiences can damage subsequent relationships.
