I”m afraid of losing my virginity—how can I overcome this fear?
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Sex that culminates in orgasm is the highest sensual pleasure a person can experience in life. However, a girl”s path to this pleasure is blocked by a small barrier called the virginal membrane. This tiny fold of mucous membrane is destined to rupture during her first sexual encounter, after which she becomes a woman.
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Losing virginity is accompanied by slight bleeding and pain. In some cases, the pain can be severe. Therefore, a girl”s first time having sex is always a piece of cake. Caresses during a storm, kisses—all wonderful. Clitoral stimulation can bring a girl closer to a full orgasm. But as soon as the virginal membrane begins to tear under the pressure of a man”s penis, pain begins. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says that the anticipation of impending pain and bleeding causes many girls to experience fear and an inability to engage in real sex, ultimately losing their virginity.
What does the sex therapist say?
What does a sex therapist say?
Remember that you set your own boundaries.
- When preparing for sex, remember that it”s your body and you set the rules. Sexual intercourse is entirely up to you.
If you”re attracted to men, you”ll experience many real orgasms before you reach your goal. Pay attention to the pleasure you”re about to experience.
You should also pay attention to your relationship. In some cases, the fear may stem not so much from the possibility of losing your virginity as from the need to have sex with this man. However, if the man isn”t right for you, you shouldn”t give up your virginity. This is a very important point. Analyze your reaction
If the fear is very strong, it may indicate that the girl was abused as a child or had a traumatic sexual experience. Memories of what happened to her as a child may disappear. In this case, a psychologist can help her overcome these obsessive thoughts.
- Excessive tension, worry, and anxiety are all signs that the body feels unsafe during sex. The body tries to avoid this by sending signals of fear, anxiety and other unpleasant sensations. It is very difficult to clarify this situation without professional help.
Ask for help
If you”ve had a history of violence, trauma, or infection that prevents you from having normal sex, don”t try to deal with it alone. Psychologists are always ready to offer support and professional help. This applies to all traumatic experiences.
- A qualified specialist will help you deal with the past and eliminate its shadows that darken the future. Help you understand and evaluate what exactly happened and how this event will affect your future life. At the same time, a feeling of security and confidence will return.
Take the process into your own hands
If an invasion seems like the most frightening moment, you can take control yourself and explore what lies ahead. Vanessa Marin reminds us that masturbation is one of the easiest ways to get your body used to sex, to love it and stop being afraid.
- Pleasant sensations during masturbation are guaranteed. First, you need to relax as much as possible. This is not difficult to do — after all, there is no threat.
To achieve quick relaxation, you need to breathe correctly. First you need to take a slow, deep breath and count to five, then slowly exhale and count to five.
Masturbation should begin by concentrating on the clitoris. This relaxes you even more and immediately gives you a lot of pleasant sensations. Further, as sexual tension increases, the finger should be brought closer to the entrance to the vagina. It”s easy to find — it”s the only big hole. Accidental entry into the urethra is impossible. This is because it is so narrow and always closed very tightly that you hardly notice it.
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“Sell virgins”, “buy virgins” — do such advertisements shock you? In this case, you are very behind the times. Girls who decided Having felt the entrance to the vagina, you need to listen to the reaction of your body and begin to breathe deeply and slowly. If fear appears or panic approaches, simply remove your fingers from your vagina and take a deep breath. When you calm down, you can try again
There”s no need to rush. If multiple sessions are necessary, do so.
Each time you need to move your fingers a little closer to the vagina. Gradually, the body gets used to these sensations and stops reacting with fear.
Then carefully insert your finger (about 1 cm) into the vagina and hold it there for a while. Since the virgin does not tightly block the entrance, the finger easily slips into the existing hole.
During these maneuvers, the spur becomes more elastic and can stretch greatly, so during real sex with a man there is no tearing, blood or pain. If the spur breaks a little during the exercise, it’s not a big deal. Modern women do not need to prove the purity of their blood.
With each new session, you should work your fingers more deeply. The finger can then be inserted and attempted to be removed. There is enough space in the vagina — it stretches easily. Over time, the baby may stretch enough to pass through, but at this stage, such a strong stretch is not necessary.
If a craving appears, you can even use two or three fingers to enter. With this volume, the hymen is completely stretched, and there is no pain or gap between the sexes.
Once you”ve mastered masturbation, you can practice with adult toys. Only this time, instead of a clitoral vibrator designed to be inserted into the vagina, you should use a dildo. With their help you can practice penetration. These toys are specially made in different thicknesses. You should start with the thinnest ones and gradually move to larger sizes.
Is it painful to lose your virginity?
More detailed instructions for playing with palomite can be obtained from a gynecologist or sexologist. Using these techniques (inserting fingers into the vagina and playing with the palomite), doctors treat a condition called vaginalism. Women suffering from vaginismus experience unwanted tension in the pubic bone and muscle ligaments, making sexual intercourse very painful. This same technique is ideal for eliminating the fear of losing virginity (defraction).
Does losing virginity hurt?
As soon as independent play with fingers, extenders and dildos takes place in conditions of complete psychological comfort, you will be able to attract a guy. There”s no need to rush.
- If a man is rushing you, think carefully about whether you need to continue the relationship in such a hurry. After all, it is your body and you are its owner.
Making eye contact with your partner, talking about love, and discussing how much he wants to have sex with you will help you get in the mood for sex. This is a great source of inspiration that will make you throw away your fears and plunge into the abyss of passionate sex.
You can seek advice from a sex therapist or psychologist together. A specialist will help you develop strategies that will ease your path to carefree sex. It doesn”t cause fear, only pleasure.
This is perhaps the most important tip for overcoming the fear of losing your virginity. There is no need to force yourself to speed up or go where you feel less confident.
Forcing sex is violence. And if you force yourself, you force yourself. There is no need to exercise on days when you don”t feel well. It”s better to relax, get distracted and do what you like.
Rushing can, at best, significantly slow down the process, and at worst, aggravate fears and lead to full-fledged neurosis and vaginal spasms. And these conditions require long-term treatment.
Rushing and acting against your will can cause fear and disgust, which makes sex even more frightening. Be kind to yourself and patient. Slow pace is very important.
Celebrate your small victories
Each next step towards your goal is a small victory. Create a reward for yourself. It should be something very pleasant and useful.
- Do not introduce tasty treats. This can become a bad habit and can have a negative impact on your back in the long run.
If you are having trouble coming up with a good reward for yourself, you can consult a psychologist.
When building a system of rewards for your achievements, you should not consider the task being solved as an obstacle between yourself and the reward. In addition, you need to focus more on the main prize — the ability to have sex without fear.
Rewards are meant to make progress toward a goal easier, not harder. When transitioning from fingers to adult toys, buying a new vibrator can be a great motivator. These gizmos have very attractive designs, and each of them brings a new sensation. In addition, they will help you quickly achieve your main goal — to get rid of fear.
I”m afraid of losing my virginity! 5 ways to overcome fear. sexologist”s comment.
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