Didn’t get up for the first time with a girl — why did this happen?
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The most common problem for men during the first time with a girl is orgasming too quickly. Guys are too excited, nervous and experience new sensations from being inside a girl’s vagina — all this leads to the fact that they feel nervous about this, thinking that they are not brave and good lovers, they cum very quickly.
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However, there is another problem. Sometimes there may be no erection at all. The reasons for this can be very different. What exactly and how to do — read below.
Why didn”t you get up?
- Psychological reasons: messages about pornography.
Statistics show that men start viewing pornography within 10 to 3 years. This is very early — moreover, it is at this age that future male sexuality begins to take shape. In other words, structures are literally placed in the brain that cause a “sexually aroused” response to certain stimuli.
Simply put, teens become conditioned to become aroused by pornographic images. And in pornography, sex is not like life.
In pornography, everyone, especially women, has much more perfect bodies than in reality. In pornography, everyone, especially women, reacts in a more exaggerated, loud, and passionate way than in real life. In pornography, finally, only people are able to bend at more beautiful angles and in more beautiful poses, usually without cramps or shortness of breath, and more often in the fitness room than at home.
Pornography creates an ideal, vivid picture aimed at making the viewer cum as quickly as possible and experience strong sexual arousal. Especially compared to real life, sex can be a major disappointment. There are no pretty angles here. The girl does not scream after the first penetration. She doesn”t have such a perfect body.
Therefore, dissonance occurs and there is no erection because the brain does not receive the right stimuli for sexual arousal.
- Psychological reasons: overexcitement.
Everything is simple here: you were so worried and experienced very strong emotions that your body reacted to this by losing an erection. The good news is that this can be fixed. Now you need to get used to the thought of sex with this girl.
How your partner reacts in this situation largely depends on her. If your partner gets angry or makes fun of your erectile dysfunction, it will worsen it, making her afraid to climax again and experience further arousal, which can lead to a recurrence.
- Psychological causes: general stress levels.
Sex is a part of life and doesn”t exist separately from all other areas of your life. You”ll experience emotional overload at work or school if a serious problem arises due to something that”s really bothering you, and this can lead to a break in sexual function.
- Physiological issue: obesity.
Being overweight disrupts your hormonal balance, and the “female” hormone estrogen begins to predominate in the body. This can lead to erectile dysfunction. Furthermore, obesity is usually associated with a sedentary lifestyle, which negatively impacts the circulatory system.
Read also: How to have sex for the first time? Advice for girls
And experience, the son of difficult mistakes. It”s normal to be nervous before sex. Some people are afraid of disappointing their partner, others are afraid that their partner will disappoint them.
- Physiological problems: diseases affecting the circulatory system.
There are quite a few of them: diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease, thyroid disease. As is well known, erections are closely linked to the functioning of the circulatory system. This is because an erection literally occurs when blood rushes to the genitals and fills the penis. Therefore, problems with the circulatory system are the same as erectile dysfunction.
- Bad habits.
Smoking and alcohol also negatively affect the health of blood vessels, causing them to constantly dilate and constrict, which, in turn, negatively impacts the ability to achieve a stable erection.
- Lack of sleep and physical fatigue.
What can you do with your partner?
So, you and your girlfriend are ready to make love, and then you notice that your boyfriend has decided to skip work today. What should you do in this situation?
First, try to relax and think about it as calmly and humorously as possible. This won”t make you feel worse as a person, as a man, or even as a lover. After all, you can please a woman in other ways, not just through penetration.
Additionally, suggest other ways to satisfy your girlfriend, and she”ll likely be impressed by your openness, confidence, and focus on her pleasure.
Secondly, this point is the same as the previous one, but pay attention to foreplay. Caresses, hugs, kisses, body odors, intimacy. Try to focus completely on this—then arousal will come gradually. After all, you are a healthy, fully functioning male, and you can”t help but be aroused when interacting with your lover.
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And, of course, you shouldn”t blame the girl for everything. In most cases, she”s just as worried and confused as you are. Insulting her and calling her “ugly” or “acting strangely” is very inappropriate behavior.
Even if you”re disappointed with her appearance or behavior and think it”s not really the case, try to tell her as gently and delicately as possible. You don”t want to offend your partner; you want to fix something, right?
But if your partner insults you or makes fun of you, go ahead and fight back.
What can you do on your own?
- Adjust your lifestyle.
More specifically, make it healthier. Give up bad habits, stop drinking alcohol, start jogging in the morning (aerobic exercise is very beneficial for strengthening the cardiovascular system), get enough sleep, and switch to a more balanced and healthy diet.
These are simple, basic rules. A healthy diet, moderate physical activity, and a toxin-free body are essential, but unfortunately, not everyone follows these guidelines.
- Try to reduce your stress levels.
First of all, established sleep therapy can help, as a sleepy body has a much harder time coping with stress.
In addition to genuine healthy rest, walking alone, relaxing or enjoyable hobbies, journaling and mindfulness practice (focusing on the present moment) can help. Try not to beat yourself up for slow progress or lack of erections. If you”re feeling stressed, don”t add more reasons to be sad, as it”s already difficult.
- Reduce your viewing of pornography.
This is necessary in order to break the pornographic image-arousal connection and form new connections. In other words, interacting with real, live women is a turn-on. In addition, not viewing pornography often increases sexual sensuality and responsiveness.
- See your doctor.
Perhaps there is something wrong in your body or psychological state, and it should be corrected by a doctor, not you yourself. Get tested, especially if the problem is long-term. If there are no problems, consult a sexologist. Perhaps there are some psychological blocks related to the sexual sphere that need to be eliminated so that you can calm down and enjoy sex.
