How to have rough sex? Rules and boundaries
Research shows that about 70% of people prefer to be “tougher” about something. BDSM culture is becoming increasingly popular, and it”s not just about sensational films. However, surprisingly, there is little information about how to make rough sex safe and comfortable for both partners. Read more about this here.
Contents of the article:
What is aggressive sex?
In fact, it is a physically aggressive or dangerous sexual interaction. The conceptual framework of “rough” or “aggressive” sex is very vague and individual. Someone acts with a simple slap on a soft spot, and someone on a causal spot, becoming “PFF, typical Tuesday.” This can be either rudeness or physical interaction. Dirty talk, including serious remarks, calls and humiliation, is also a form of aggression during sex. However, it is important to be clear about one thing: it is not always possible to be rough during sex. No matter how rough the game is, it is important that everything happens by mutual consent. Yes, couples can have a fetish for rape games. The victim breaks free, fights, says “no, don’t,” but her partner still gets his way. This is an ordinary sexual fantasy and, therefore, the playing of ordinary roles. However, here too everything should happen by mutual agreement. If one partner behaves aggressively, the other screams, and both have agreed in advance that they agree to such a game, then everything is fine. Your sexual fantasies. If a man simply takes a girl and attacks her, if he does not hear any attempts to stop the process. Yes, because even if we are talking about a couple, this does not mean that a girl in a relationship with a man should provide access to her body at the first click.
Is it normal to want hard sex?
People can be put off by sexual desire. For example, if I want to do something rude to my partner Doe, does that mean that I am by nature an aggressive and violent person who is suppressing my animal nature? In fact, sexual fetishes, fantasies, the formation of fantasies that excite a person are a process so deep and so closely connected with the subconscious that we cannot really influence it. The entire galaxy, there was a list of factors. The way your nervous system works, your first sexual experiences, your relationship with your parents, your first attempts to explore your body, which occurs much earlier than puberty (four, six years old, children try to touch their genitals and realize that it feels good) — all of this shapes what you consider sexy. It happened by accident.
Read also: 22 rules of resort sex, or how not to turn an affair into a nightmare resort sex can be the most all-encompassing experience if you follow a few simple rules. 22 Rules of Resort Sex Remember.
This never defines you as long as everything happens by mutual consent and within the confines of bed. In other words, if you spank the “but” part with your partner”s consent and you both enjoy it, then everything is fine. If in ordinary life you spread your hands without the consent and pleasure of your partner, this is no longer normal.
Principle of consent
As you can see, this has already been said twice in a row, but this is the third time because it is so important. This is important for any sex, but especially intense sex, due to the risk of physical or emotional trauma. What you need to know about consent:
- You must get your partner”s consent for everything you do with him.
- Consent must be sincere. In other words, “Yes, I can”t wait to try this!” — Perfect. “Well. come here. if that”s what you want” No more, you have to make sure they have a good time. Silence is not a sign of consent. In this case, silence is a sign of disagreement.
- Consent may be revoked at any time. In other words, at any moment, either partner can say: “Stop, I don’t like you anymore, stop,” and the other must obey. Otherwise, if the behavior continues after refusal is expressed, it is abuse.
Outlines of the border
5 effective ways to set personal boundaries. self-esteem. psyche. help from a psychologist.
Method: Ask each partner to make a list of things they”d like to try. Then read these lists to each other, with the other partner saying the following about each fantasy: “I”d like to try this,” “I”d like to try that,” (in this exercise), “No, absolutely not.” Additionally, you should include a separate list of strict no-nos.
Communicate
This is especially important in casual sex (and any sex, really). What to do regarding communication:
- Introduce safe words or gestures. Be especially careful when engaging in consent play (rape role-play) or practices that involve restricting speech (nausea, immobilization, random oral sex, choking). When the safe word is said, the session ends immediately.
You can ask: “Do you want to take a break? Do you want to take a break? Can I continue? Is everything as you imagined, or was it different? Are you okay? What do you want to do now?” There”s no need to rush. Exciting sex doesn”t mean being selfish towards your partner.
- Talk with your partner about what happened after sex, and at the same time, analyze your feelings and share with each other what the experience was like for you. Are you satisfied or do you want more?
What were you feeling during this time? What would you like to do differently? What do you like and dislike? How was this different from what you expected?
