How to maintain sex if you live with your parents?
“I live separately and would like to have complete freedom of movement.” “I think you are trying to breathe again and not creak in bed. Well, good luck to both of you in realizing your cherished dream! In the meantime, you need to use your wits and resourcefulness.
Contents of the article:
Mission Possible: Advice from Experienced Couples
These couples know firsthand about the problem of “secret sex.” Perhaps their life (and sexual) experiences will help you.
- Lock the door to avoid awkwardness. And if you are already in an awkward situation, turn to your sense of humor for help
My mom couldn”t figure out what my boyfriend liked. An ordinary bank employee who wears braces and constantly uses sarcasm. He often came over to “watch movies” in my room — we were both university graduates living with our parents. But after she entered the room while we were having sex and saw his main advantage.
This happened at the most crucial moment. The situation in the organization became very awkward. Absolutely everyone felt uncomfortable that evening.
But we still managed to get through this nightmare thanks to our sense of humor. I have a modern family, and they, as adults, are calm about the fact that I engage in safe, consensual sex. My only mistake was that I forgot to lock the door.”
- If you live separately and are going to visit each other, don”t act like scared teenagers. Make an appointment with your parents in advance.
I”m 26 years old. I live with my parents. If I like the guy I”m dating, I want to invite him over, I”ll just go ahead and do it. However, before heading to my bedroom, I knock on my parents” door and ask if they would like to meet my guest.
This immediately eliminates the awkwardness. There is no need to sneak around like a burglar. Once the official part is over, we”ll just head to my room where we can finally relax.”
- Demand respect for yourself and show the same respect to your parents
Yes, you have already grown up. You have rights to privacy and sex. As such. But remember the main thing — you still live under their roof. Therefore, what you say must follow certain rules.
Your sexual needs and their satisfaction should not interfere with your parents. Without mutual respect and healthy communication between adults, you will not succeed.”
- Ask yourself if you really don”t have the opportunity to move away from your parents. Perhaps you are not mature enough yet?
I”m 26 years old. I am a social worker and live with my parents. Lately I”ve noticed that I act like a child around the people I like. Anyway. It seemed like I was stuck in puberty.
My father is very strict, but very caring, and I still feel like a little girl. And guys behave the same way. “I love my family very much, but I understand that normal men don”t want to date young women who never grow up.”
- You are all adults. It”s time to learn to talk calmly about sex
I was alone when my grandfather [who also lives with us] caught us having a blowjob. He was in the garage. My grandfather was just cold. And he said he was walking the dog.
What did you do next? He acted like an adult. Why? Because he wants to be treated like an adult. I called a “family meeting”. And he said the following. I”m ashamed of myself, but I just want to talk about it, I want us all to know what happened.” It all ended in a burst of laughter.”
- Don”t be ashamed of the sex you have. And don’t let your parents’ beliefs and prejudices cultivate complexes and feelings of guilt in you.
Read also: Intimate life in marriage — how to maintain sex and not lose interest
People are such creatures that when they receive something good, they want it even more. And sex has always been one of the most desirable activities. In modern life he.
I am 26 years old, I work as a nurse and recently moved back to live with my parents. And recently I decided to spend the night with my high school crush and found myself in a very awkward situation.
At first everything was fine. It’s like I’m back in the good old days, but now I’m an adult and I don’t know how to kiss. It was too late, I was sure that my parents were sleeping. But I was wrong.
In the midst of our revelry over missionary status, my old-fashioned, conservative, religious father entered the room. Seeing us, he quickly turned and ran upstairs. After that, he didn’t even look at me for a long time.
I had mixed emotions. That is, I seem to understand that I am an adult woman and have the right to enjoy sex with whoever I want, but at the same time I began to feel very dirty and shameful.”
- “If constant stress is driving you crazy, it’s better to get up and get over it as soon as possible.”
I”m 25 years old. I”m a teacher and I know what it”s like to try to live under the same roof as your parents, just like everyone else. Yes, I couldn’t even speak normally on the phone, my family were afraid to hear me! I lived in constant stress. And my sisters and parents would make all sorts of comments at me: “Oh, are you starting to argue?”
We live with his mother!
I”ve reached my boiling point. It became clear that I could no longer do this. I don”t give a damn about everything! I found a second job and started saving money. It took me about six months. It was hard work, but the results were worth it. I”ve been waiting for a long time for the right person for me! At some point I realized that I wouldn’t let these stupid little things ruin everything.”
Psychologist”s comment
According to statistics, about 43% of young people who have recently graduated from university are looking for a permanent job and are forced to live with their parents while they save money to move. There are many couples, but due to various circumstances they cannot yet afford separate housing.
And sometimes a person who has already moved away from the nest and has long established his life has to return to his father’s house. Job loss, divorce, difficult life situations in general — anything can happen!
In the USA there is even a TV show dedicated to this issue — Already adult men and women are learning to live under the same roof with their mothers and fathers. It is called very optimistically — “How to live with your parents (until the end of your days)” (How to live with your parents (until the end of your life)).
Some parents are unbiased about the fact that their “children” have plenty of time to bring their adult lives to a boil. They don”t enter their son or daughter”s bedroom without knocking. And if they suddenly catch their “child” in a “hot” situation, they calmly react to it and laugh it off. Others do everything, a mature chick and his other half, God forbid they be left alone with each other.
It”s completely normal to live an adult life and have sex. Your parents need to accept this reality. Of course, no one said it would be easy, warns psychologist Peggy Drexler.
When we fall in love with someone, we act like teenagers. Our brains produce dopamine, oxytocin and other powerful chemicals. It makes us more sensitive. Added to this is our constant worry that we might be overheard. It”s too much,” adds relationship expert Andrea Siltas.
Ultimately, the winners are those families whose parents and children know how to talk to each other. Families who are more open, communicative, and able to talk about their feelings are more likely to be able to laugh about awkward situations and difficulties,” says Drexler. It”s okay to discuss awkward situations. However, trying to pretend that nothing happened will only make the awkwardness worse.
Do you want your parents to treat you like an adult? Can you be an adult? If you”ve declared yourself a sexually liberated adult, get ready for a change. For example, your mother may show less interest in your laundry, and your father may stop offering to put gas in your car as often,” warns Drexler.
Either way, whether you have sex or not doesn”t really matter. It is much more important that you successfully go through the stage of separation from your parents, that is, psychological separation. Otherwise, you may subconsciously start looking for relationships that play a dependent role.
If you still feel like a child, this may cause problems in your relationship with your partner. For example, you constantly demand confirmation of his feelings for you. Otherwise you”ll be in the way too much,” explains Drexler.
“In such situations, instead of looking for the easy way out, it is advisable to make every effort to move in the opposite direction. At some point, you will begin to lose confidence in yourself and your ability to make decisions. And you will be stuck like a child. And start taking responsibility for your life, even if at the moment you have little chance of moving forward. Stop acting like a child. And talk to parents about the boundaries of acceptable behavior,” Drexler adds.
