I rarely have sex: help! Letter to the editor
Recently, one of the publications received a heartbreaking letter. “I rarely, if ever, have sex, but only once every few months, a few times a year. Typically, these are casual and fleeting relationships.
Contents of the article:
I feel very bad without male attention and affection, but at the same time I don’t want them. Perhaps the reason for this is that several years ago I fell in love with one-sided love. He doesn’t need me, but I don’t want any more relationships or a lumpy body besides him. At the same time, without sex, I feel ready to climb the wall, my health and appearance are failing. In general, I don’t know myself, I don’t know what to do. “37-year-old Tatyana.
“I very rarely have sex”: what to do
Unfortunately, such revelations are not uncommon. And nowadays there are many lonely people who, for some reason, lack a full sex life, when it seems that “there is sex.” The situation is depressing, but, nevertheless, there is a way out of it.
General recommendations
In most cases, such problems arise in women. Due to the current situation and norms of social behavior, it is much more difficult to find sex, including exactly the one you need. It is high quality and suitable for her. The reasons for lack of sex can be different:
- The reasons are physiological: illness, absence of a partner or his cooling, problems with male potency, haste of a woman and, as a result, often the inability to have sex due to lack of interest in the opposite sex.
- Psychological reasons — such as the notorious, unrequited love of a woman (and, as a consequence, lack of interest in other men), midlife crisis, fear of pregnancy, aversion to fleeting relationships.
Finding the reason for the lack of sex
The first thing to do in this case is to understand yourself, find out the true reason for the lack of sex and ask: “What was the reason for this?” By answering honestly, you do half the work right away. Next, you must find a solution to the problem. To do this, you need to approach the matter creatively and evaluate everything from all sides. Remember that no situation is hopeless, and even such sad problems can be solved with a bang.
Algorithm of actions to find a problem and mechanism for solving it
Take a piece of paper and a pen, sit in a cozy place and imagine that now you have a new life. All you have to do is tune in to it.
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Next, honestly and truthfully consider the reasons for the lack of a normal sex life, in your opinion. Let”s assume that this is loneliness and the basic absence of a partner at the moment. Write down this reason and highlight it.
Next, decomposition should be carried out. This is a kind of “splitting” of this reason into smaller components. In other words, you must answer the following question — “Why am I lonely?” There may be more than one answer, so be sure to write them all down. The answer might be something like this: I”m lonely. I don’t like anyone, I don’t have enough love, because there isn’t a single real man around, I don’t have enough love, he doesn’t want me, I stood up for myself, there’s no male interest, I forgot how much I like men, I’ve lost relationships with them and relationships with relationships. Do you want to record it? Look now and you will see that in all these cases the reason lies in you. This is in your favor. Because it is easier to start again yourself than for others.
Specific actions to solve the problem
Assume that you are not running away from love. You want affection, attention, intimacy, but only with him, unrequited love is not love. Time passes, the soul cries, the body needs, and you are deeply unhappy. Break out of this vicious circle! From now on, tell yourself that everything is bad. Don’t immediately set the goal of finding a normal relationship. Let it be a short adventure or novel at first. Perhaps even a temporary connection was a way out of this problem, as well as a “cure”. Finding such a temporary partner is not that difficult. You need to take some proactive steps. Register on some dating sites, spend a long time meeting the right people, visit movies, cafes, parks and fresh places — it’s just air. Be as well-packed as possible, relax and just enjoy. Take a step in this direction and you will soon find your man.
Don”t give up on a man, even if he”s not your type. Take it as medicine, increase your psychological “muscles” and restore your own attractiveness, which still serves you. But be prepared that this option won”t last long. And if she leaves, it’s okay, you will find another and even better one. In the meantime, give your new partner the best he”s ever wanted to give, with all the passion he can muster. Thus, when unnecessary idealization is eliminated, a fulfilling sex life is achieved and psychological balance is restored.
Conclusion
The causes of sexual starvation are often the result of a number of psychological reasons, the solution of which requires a streamlined and clear algorithm. Using the “honest question method” will help you understand your problem and return to a fulfilling sex life.
