Developing an Escape Plan and the Other Nine Commandments of Online Dating
Online dating is like an emotional rollercoaster. Yesterday you fluttered like a butterfly, and today reality stung you like a bee.
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And now there is a person sitting in front of you who is completely alien to you, and you are trying to understand what the hell drew you to “give up” right on you. In order not to perish in the sea of online dating, you need to approach the problem wisely. Take the time to prepare. In other words, read the 10 Key Commandments of Finding Relationships Online.
Say what you mean
And think about what you are talking about. Think before you say anything. People love to be liked by other people. Therefore, temptation arises when we meet people who arouse our sympathy. I would immediately want to throw out all my feelings into something unique for this person. And I hope he will respond in kind. Psychologist Maddren Mason advises not to overuse compliments, especially at first. Overexertion leads to mistrust. And false hope.
No need for lies
It”s so tempting to destroy a little here, to exaggerate a little there. And if some people limit themselves to lies about height and weight, then others go too far and create a completely artificial image for themselves.
A study conducted by research professors at the University of Oregon found that men are more likely to lie about their jobs, while women are more likely to post old or overly retouched photos. In other words, they lie about their appearance. We also find that we lie more often to please certain people. And a lover of a passive lifestyle suddenly becomes a fitness fanatic — just to please the girl he likes, whose profile says about her love for sports. “Contradictions in the imagined image of reality cause disappointment in the partner. And you will be lonely,” says Mason.
Don”t start conversations with emojis
First, your interlocutor may get the impression that your dictionary is just a five-year plan. Secondly, it suggests that you are too cumbersome to carry on a dialogue. You don”t know this person at all. To make sparks fly, you need to try. Sending him nas rarely touches the soul strings of the interlocutor. A recent study supported by dating sites found that many Pisces dislike the Persik and Nas emojis the most.
The study also found that only 8% of people think emoji messages are good conversation starters. Try to start with at least one or two sentences. Ideally, people can answer this question. Essentially, you want to invite the other person into the conversation and also make your presence known,” advises Mason.
Read also: No photos — no potential dating sites or other unspoken rules the rules of the game are changing. “Playing for the short term”, “no sex on the first date” — forget about it like a bad dream. Today”s generation.
“All so busy”
There is no need to respond to messages for a long time, as if you don’t care, as if you have a lot to do. You are not required to respond to every message. However, the first stage of the dating game is not beneficial. Communicate as you would with a friend. Don”t rush headlong into a telephone conversation. But don’t wait for your interlocutor for hours.
Think of an escape plan
Nobody knows how the first date in online dating will end. You may have to listen to several hours of boring monologues. Or sit in deafening silence under the yoke of clumsiness. A well-thought-out escape plan is required.
First, be polite. Say thank you for the evening, and your taxi is already waiting for you. Silly excuses like the birth of a guinea pig are best left to yourself. Running away without paying is a pattern of behavior.
Friends and their advice
Loneliness is sad. Being alone in the company of loving friends is unbearable! They feel sorry for you and want to say a few kind words. “You’ll meet your person yet,” “Just wait.” Friends should listen to the advice of their friends.
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Don”t try to sit on two chairs
Dating apps are something of an ode to polyamory. They bounce up and down, left and right. Images of dozens of different people flash on the screen of your smartphone. “No one is stopping you from going on a first or second date. But if you see a specific person regularly, focus on that person,” Mason says. If you decide to become Julius Caesar and start relationships with several people at once, be prepared for problems. You will always tell the same story. Because you will forget who you are and what you said. There will be confusion all around you. Eventually, you will find it difficult to understand what you are feeling.
Consent
We live in the #MeToo era. It is important to remember that there should be no discomfort in a relationship. Especially when it comes to symptoms of physical contact. It is difficult to predict what the person sitting opposite you will say or do. You don”t know him; he doesn”t know you at all.
But already in the early stages of acquaintance, he must clearly understand that there are certain boundaries. And you won”t let them break them. Trust your intuition and don”t ignore the warnings of your inner voice. If you are not happy with something, if you are uncomfortable and if you feel that your boundaries are being violated, tell us about it directly. Your safety is more important than what people think about you online.
Don”t do surveillance
You don”t need to spend hours on social media pages looking at old photos of your friends. It all starts with an innocent look at your Instagram account. And bam! — It turns out that the sun sat on it for a long time. You look at photos of someone”s cousin and read tweets about their ex-boyfriend”s new girlfriend. Don”t do this. Limit the visibility of your social media profile. Look at recent photos and read recent posts. And that”s all.
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