How to choose a safe word and why it is needed
The BDSM culture is penetrating deeper into the culture of ordinary, so-called “vanilla” sex. Sometimes this is accompanied by negative consequences. For example, unacceptable actions used by men on women in bed, or unacceptable attempts at strangulation, sometimes even positive ones.
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For example, safe words are often required in sexual interactions, as well as in BDSM practices.
What is a safe word?
This word makes it clear that one of the participants in the sexual interaction wants it to stop immediately. For example, if he finds something painful, uncomfortable, psychologically unpleasant, or if his partner’s behavior frightens him.
In BDSM cultures, it has been found that the safe word most often required is low, as any manipulation performed may seem low, scary or painful. However, all participants in the process can formally use a stop.
Interesting fact: entire systems can be used from several words indicating different degrees of agreement. For example, one word could be “Yes, keep going, I really like it, keep it up,” the second could be “I’m a little irritated by what’s happening now, please be careful, slow down,” and the third could be “Please stop now, I don’t like it, it hurts/it makes me scared/uncomfortable!”
For what?
A completely logical question: why did they come up with a safe word?
Here you need to remember that the “homeland” of safe words is BDSM culture. Violent role-playing is common, including literally “committing rape” and role-playing. Teachers harass students, masters behave sexually with slaves, etc.
In this case, “no,” “stop, I don’t need it, I don’t want it,” and even screams and tears are part of sexual play and are desirable in both cases: for example, experiencing emotional catharsis through the resistance of dominant arousal or tears and suffering of submissive desire.
Thus, a language was needed that would help distinguish playing “no, don”t stop” from asking someone to stop immediately.
Why do ordinary couples need this?
Mainly for communication and interaction. The fact is that not everyone openly talks about their desires and dislikes.
For example, not every girl can say “keep doing what you”re doing, keep doing what I like,” and not every man can either. People are just shy. And it”s easy to say, for example, a word that means: “Yes, I like it.”
In addition, not everyone can openly say that they don’t like something. e It’s easier to use a song expression.
Secondly, Strovo helps partners feel more secure and have more trust in each other, because they know that all it takes is the right words and everything will stop. Especially when couples start experimenting with the BDSM genre, using practices such as bondage, gagging, etc.
Read also: Which scenario to choose in sex role-playing games? Options for husband and wife
Everyone has heard (at least aurally) about playing sexual roles. However, most have only a superficial understanding of this process. Exactly like that.
Indeed, there are opposing views on safe words. This does not help them feel safe; on the contrary, it undermines their understanding of consent.
That is, relatively speaking, a man can perform sexual acts against his will with a woman, and then say: “Honey, I didn’t understand what you objected to! Yes, you shouted “no, stop, stop,” but you did not say the words “parallel signs”!”
How to choose?
The rule is the simplest.
- The words should be memorable and should jump out of your head at a moment of stress, and not jump out of your head at another moment of sexual arousal (“Honey, I didn’t understand why you screamed.” “Very loud?”);
- Words must be taken out of their sexual context so that they cannot be uttered accidentally. In other words, if there is role play with sexy unicorns, there is no need to stop the unicorns; Unicorns aren”t the only ones who can talk.
- If there is a practice where one partner cannot speak, you also need to come up with a stopping joke. For example, two fingers go up, fingers, etc. click.
- Safe words are inevitably discussed in advance. It”s very strange to decide that “paper” is a safe word and then make the idea of love the second such word.
The rest of the safe words are random, funny, and poetic. Someone”s name, the name of a country, a city, a favorite song, a movie. Your jokes together can be about anything.
Stop words: what are they and why are they needed | semantica
For inspiration
Options for categories from which you can choose a safeword:
Unless you”re playing Michael Jackson and his fans are heading to his hotel room, you probably don”t expect to hear this fine artist”s name during the friction. What about Philip Kirkorov? Nikolai Baskov? Nikolai Sobolev? Sasha Gray is not needed, otherwise relevance, you know.
The most common stop words fall into this category. This happened thanks to the movie “50 Shades of Gray”, where the words “yellow” and “red” were used. Well, why, thanks to the red traffic light, it is clearly associated with “dangerous, prohibited, stop.”
Another option is to use flowers instead of flowers. For example, “daisy” — great, continue, “cactus” — stop until you get a cactus at the fifth point.
This category is popular because the words in it are easy and forgettable. Additionally, fruit often comes to mind. Bananas, pineapples, peaches, apples, avocados — take your pick.
You can use the same principle to work with color. “Sweet” — great, keep going, it”s okay, I really like it, “Sour” — someone shouldn”t be so slow, I”m not sure, “Rotten” — I don”t like it, I don”t like it, I don”t like it, I don”t like it, I don”t like it right away. However, it is recommended to discuss the meaning in advance.
Latte, sushi, pizza, onigiri, Coca-Cola. Avoid using food-related words if strawberries or whipped cream are involved.
Chicken, poodle, goose, elephant, hippopotamus. Don”t use fixed animal names as affectionate nicknames. If his passion is “Tiger! Tiger!”
Tennis, hockey, ping pong, ball, rocket, barrier. Simple words that you are less likely to say in bed will also work.
- Favorite words from pop culture.
If your partner likes the same TV series, book or movie, you can use words from them. For example, how about a Harry Potter spell? “Protego” is a defensive spell that can be used as a stop.
The upside is that you definitely won”t say them in bed, but the downside is that they”re very easy to forget, so use with caution.
