Who is a dominant in BDSM and relationships?
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Of course, with the release of BDSM books and the film “Fifty Shades of Grey,” the image of the dominatrix has become appealing. Just thinking about how wonderful it is to be submissive to such a dominant is hard to imagine how fast the heart of a young girl, let alone a very young man, beats.
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You might be surprised to learn that dominants are not uncommon in the world of fiction and film. Indeed, they most often spoke of pure dominants, where sadistic tendencies are less obvious or completely absent.
Unbelievable? Analysis.
Rhett Butler in “Gone with the Wind.” A hero? Something else! Did the girls like it? And how! Dominant? Something else! Unbelievable? Let”s see. He understands Scarlett better than anyone else and manipulates her. He”s much stronger and more experienced. Plus, he makes her love him on those wild nights when he”s particularly aggressive. Many say a good spanking of Scarlett doesn”t hurt. Do you agree? Who is he? A dominant with pronounced sadistic tendencies. The dream of millions of women, in different countries, for generations!
Mr. Rochester from “Jane Eyre.” A tyrant who manipulates and ridicules small, humble teachers. He doesn”t participate in sadistic sessions, but that”s harsh England. Is he a hero to millions of naive girls and women? Definitely.
You think this was only true in the old Western countries? It doesn”t matter how many!
Remember Gosha, the Soviet women”s idol in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”? And a few of his phrases: simply because he”s a man, he decides everything himself, and if Katerina raises her voice at him again, he”ll leave. What”s that? A pretty good Dominant manifesto.
Try to recall some striking male heroes. These or other qualities of a BDSM dominant are easy to see in almost everyone.
What”s going on? For centuries, women have admired and dreamed of dominants. And what do you have? Gender equality and “whatever you want!” It”s no wonder the topic of BDSM occupies such a large place in women”s consciousness. There are still people in this world you can trust and rely on completely, without looking back. Moreover, these people prefer to take responsibility not only for themselves, but also for women.
How and to what extent does a BDSM Dominant from a book or movie differ from a real one?
Let”s talk about BDSM first. We”ll try to spot them among the crowd of familiar faces, both near and far, as they begin to draw parallels with seemingly ordinary heroes who don”t exaggerate or consciously dominate. Some people don”t know who they really are.
First, and this may come as a big shock to many, he doesn”t have a helicopter. And he does own a whole host of fancy foreign cars. Second, he”s unlikely to be a millionaire. Third, he”s unlikely to exert such strict control over the present and past of his chosen ones.
Read also: What is a dominant and a submissive in BDSM, and the relationship between them
In her cult novel, “Windshield,” Margaret Mitchell writes: “I am a sexologist because I am a sexologist. Of course, the role was not sexual.
Who is he? There are dominants, people who live parasitically on their own lives, manipulating at the expense of others” needs. Examples? Plenty! It”s harder to find such a thing in the classics of the world, but in everyday life, it”s easier. Look around! Some people I know like to talk about themselves—what a great guy he is. They are chameleons trying to put on the dominant”s skin. Don”t fall for the cheap exterior!
Dominants don”t talk about themselves, they talk! He may not have the stars in the sky, but being around him is surprisingly calm. Besides, just being around him is enough to feel safe. He doesn”t have to be an international master of sports in weightlifting. Outwardly, he is no different from others. He has energy, confidence, and a willingness to take responsibility for He and those who depend on him. You”ve probably met such men? They”re not a woman”s dream. Not everyone can follow them. But if she”s ready, she”s a happy woman. Dominants don”t choose to be happy. They make those who choose them happy.
Meet my dom: advice for new dominants, going to BDSM dungeons and more!
How do you distinguish them from other men? They don”t let their women decide everything for them. Their feminine role is only one: to please a man. While he sees it as a whole house of bowls, she sees it as a perfect place, a three-course meal, and exemplary children. If he needs a female toy, he has a little indoor goddess living in his apartment. While waiting for the dominant, she sharpens her nails and takes care of herself, her beloved self. Numerous shades. For all of them, the most important thing is that the world be perfect from the perspective of its owner. A woman may want something else, but she keeps her desires to herself and follows the man.
If you are interested, look for a dominatrix among your friends. You will find them. Now we are talking about others. Or about some others.
Dominants in the BDSM World
If it”s so easy to meet dominants in the real world, what are they looking for in BDSM?
The fact is that the reality of modern society is such that women are often not ready to play a passive role in relationships. Most people have a frying pan or, even worse, a rolling pin, a constitution and a code of laws at hand. All information devices claim that women are people too and have rights, and drummers are ready to back up these rights with physical evidence. Women never tire of using both, but at the same time they naively expect someone to win their hearts and hands. Even if this is their fifth attempt. Unfortunately, this does not happen.
One day, being dominant by nature or nurture, a vanilla woman gets tired of making serious decisions and proving that it is a man’s responsibility to be responsible for his woman. But you need to find a mate somewhere, don’t you? Then men come to BDSM. The one who fully satisfies his ideas about the ideal partner — a submissive. If an agreement is reached, then all disputes and showdowns about who is in charge in the house are impossible by definition. The ruler does not need to fight for the right to be the head of the family. He can solve other issues and not waste time and energy on building vanilla relationships that are hopeless for him.
Perhaps, of course, in BDSM everything is somewhat exaggerated, but if it gives pleasure to both, then why not? You can find great pleasure in following your man”s orders without question. Imagine how the face of your independent and independent girl will stretch out. While away the evening drinking tea, hanging around a girl, hearing phone calls, hearing commands. “Come home, I miss you!” You pack up your things, forgiven things, forgiveness and leave home! The effect is worth seeing! The obedient Sabah will first see his friend, and then he will be able to receive a reward from the dominant BDSM.
So what separates a real dominatrix from a movie? Self-confidence, willingness to take responsibility not only for oneself, but also for relationships and partners. He doesn”t talk about how wonderful, reliable, smart and handsome he is. He behaves well. He is as calm and reliable next to a stone wall as next to a stone wall. But he, as a rule, does not recognize serious objections from women. Read more interesting things about male dominance in our article.
