Fetish — what it is, where it comes from and what to do with it
If not in a sexual context, then at least you”ve probably heard this term from the song by the band “Picnic”. But do you know that you can trust him? What if I have a fetish? And how do you know if it”s a fetish and not just a sexual preference? What is a fetish? You can learn more about all this here.
Contents of the article:
What is a fetish?
A fetish is a sexual behavior in which a part or parts of a person”s body, usually considered non-phenomenal and not involved in sexual play, become a source of sexual desire.
In its original form, the term “fetish” was invented by psychologists to describe an attraction to inanimate objects, but its meaning has been expanded. For example, a well-known widespread “foot fetish” appeared — a fetish for one’s feet.
And the word “fetish” began to be used by all and sundry only to denote sexual addiction. I have a fetish for blondes, I have a fetish for skinny guys, not piles of muscles, I have a fetish for her pubic bone—I have a face for her pubic bone.
Simply put, a fetish is when you like unusual things that most people would find strange.
By the way, another important point: fetishists are individual. This means that even if two different people have the same fetish, they may present it differently.
For example, Ivan has a foot fetish. Ivan also loves to kiss, lick fingers and give a sensual massage to women’s feet. And Nikolai loves to look at beautiful women’s legs in stockings, pantyhose and heels, when his girlfriends put stockings on the bed. And Sergei generally has a fetish for the smell of sweat and dirt on his feet.
One fetish is a way of expressing a fetish and can have completely different preferences regarding fetish-related activities.
What is the difference between a fetish and just sexual addiction?
“Every person has sexual preferences and preferences,” you rightly say, “why come up with a special term for this?” Some people like curly brown hair, others have long hair, beautiful arms with prominent veins, what’s the problem?”
This is so true! Fetishes differ from this level of severity. So, for example, if a person has a sexual addiction to women in stockings, then when his woman comes out to him in stockings, he gets excited. Presumably, sexual sensations will be brighter. However, he can have sex without stockings, which will also give him great pleasure.
If he has a fetish for stockings, in a clinical sense, then sex without stockings is almost impossible or very difficult for him. To the point where a partner without stockings physically cannot come, unless he has physical sexual arousal or stockings are not involved in sexual play, they simply do not excite him. This already makes it a fetish in the clinical sense.
What is the difference between “fetish” and “kink”?
Since “Kink” is a new word, there is not yet a specific meaning and specific frame of reference that Kink and Fetish share. There are several versions of how they are divided.
The first is that they are not separated at all and are synonyms. Indeed, “fetish” and “kink” are almost always used interchangeably in everyday life (I have a fetish for beautiful hands/ I have a kink for beautiful hands). This way, they are more likely to understand you. Indeed, fetish is an older and therefore more common term, while kink is internet slang. Generally speaking, it originally originated among science fiction writers (authors of fan stories).
Second version: a fetish is a person’s sexual attraction to a certain object. The object in most cases is not directly related to their sex life. For example, certain clothes, shoes, certain materials or parts of the human body.
Read also: What is a crash fetish and where does mental cruelty begin?
Recently, cases of shocking publications containing videos of girls crushing small animals with their paws on video have become more frequent.
Kink is a person’s attraction to a certain behavior. For example, kissing kinks, daddy kinks (part of BDSM practices where the dominant person plays the role of “daddy” and the submissive plays the role of “baby” or “baby”, blindfolded kinks. Includes activities related to sexual activity, certain behavior in bed or sexual manipulation.
Third version: kink is a less obvious fetish. That is, fetish is a more clinical term, as stated above, attraction to such an extent that it is impossible to experience arousal and orgasm without the object of the fetish. Twisting is an attraction to a similar object, but remains within the framework of sexual addiction and does not reach the clinical degree of fetishization.
Why do people have fetishes?
Currently, there are not many studies on this topic, and not all of them are successful. This means that it is not always possible to confirm the first mentioned hypotheses and build reliable theories. In particular, scientists have put forward the following hypotheses:
- Influence of neurobiological factors.
In other words, it all starts during the fetal development stage. Maternal hormones influence the fetus, increasing the likelihood that it will be born sexually aroused and therefore develop non-sexual attractions later in life. -Sexual objects.
This occurs when people are just beginning to realize at an early age that they are broadly different genders (this happens long before puberty).
Scientists came to this conclusion when they discovered that men with a fetish for breastfeeding and breasts are more likely to grow up in families with younger siblings.
- Education.
According to another theory, fetishism can be learned by regularly viewing non-sexual objects along with those that evoke a strong sexual response. Then the non-sexual object causes arousal, even if there is no unique sexual object.
For example, this can happen when watching pornography. For comparison, one man watched a lot of pornography with sexy nurses — then he had fantasies about this topic, and he also considers ordinary nurses in ordinary non-erotic costumes sexy.
In general, the formation of sexual preferences and fetishes is a matter of psychology.
There are many factors that influence a person. The culture in which he grew up (for example, most men now have a clear sexual preference for breasts and buttocks because these parts of the female body are designated as uniquely sexually arousing), what influenced him as a child? It is difficult to even list his relationship with his parents, what sex means to him in general, what his first sexual experience was, and much more.
In short, fetishism has its place. In general, in most cases this is absolutely normal, but in the end, everyone has the right to a little kink. Anyway.
When should you start worrying?
There are certainly enlightened people gathered here who understand that this is a personal issue for everyone. In most cases, this is normal until the person finds a healthy way to satisfy their sex addiction without self-harm or acting in films or fetishes.
If a person is at risk and in danger because of a fetish, or if their social life is suffering because of a fetish, they should consult a psychologist or sexologist.
I think I have a fetish. What to do?
The main thing is to have fun! It”s great to feel better about yourself and be able to explore new aspects of sexuality. There”s no shame in it, it”s fun, it doesn”t hurt anyone, and everyone involved wants it and agrees to do it.
What makes sense:
- Explore the fetish.
What exactly do you like? Why do you think you like it? In this regard, what behaviors do you particularly like? What do you want to do, I wanted to try?
If possible, try it! For example, watching relevant pornography and engaging in fetishism.
- Read about how to make fetishism safer.
How many fetishes involve some degree of health risk, especially if it”s something BDSM like choking or if you have no idea how much bacteria is on your foot? Yes, that”s right.
So read up on precautions for what you”re trying to do, or how to replace dangerous practices with something that gives you a similar experience.
- Share this with your partner.
It is best to do this as gently and diplomatically as possible. Share your erotic fantasies, listen to his fantasies and offer to discuss them. Maybe there”s something you like about it. Then “take it out of Pandora”s box yourself.”
Giving your partner information about fetishes is a good thing. He may or may not know about this and will think within some stereotypical framework.
Don”t get mad at your partner if he rejects your fetish, even after all the information provided and peeking at the cat from Shrek. Just as you have the right to fetishize, your partner has the right to consider it unexpected and not want to introduce it into their sex life.
What you do with this information is up to you. Sometimes people break up even because they do not satisfy each other in bed, sometimes because they are looking for a compromise, or because their sex life is not as important as other aspects of their existence together.
