Keeping silent is not an option: should you tell her about your past?
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Life is multifaceted. People come together and separate, accumulating more and more life experiences with each passing day. With each new relationship, this baggage grows. This raises a logical question: “Should I share my past?” Who should and shouldn’t open Pandora’s box and when?
Contents of the article:
Serious Relationships
If a couple has been together since school or first year of university, both partners have only vivid memories of childhood (often shared). In such a situation, it’s very easy for men to behave. Easily established trust is not in danger of being destroyed by the yoke of past relationships. It’s a very comfortable union, which can only be destroyed by mistakes made during the relationship. But that’s another question.
But what happens if the woman isn’t the man’s first? In this case, the primary guideline is the relationship status. A man must be aware of how he treats his girlfriend. Is he deceiving himself with his serious intentions? Is this a relationship for convenience and regular sex, or a strong union with a promising future? Is he convinced this is the girl he wants to introduce to his friends and parents?
Would he want her to share an apartment with him in 10 years? Or in 50? Does he want this girl to raise his children and celebrate their mother’s birthday? Does he want her to be there for him when he’s down? Does he want to share good news with her? If the answer to all of these questions is “yes,” a man must be prepared to lay all his cards on the table.
In a serious relationship: “Should I?” There’s no place for the question, “Should I?” The answer is always the same—yes. Because the past is known. But how a woman learns about it depends on the man.
If a man admits that a current relationship is temporary, there’s no room for deep and difficult truths about the past. It doesn’t particularly matter when he lost his virginity or what his mother called him as a child. What’s important is something else. It’s important to acknowledge the short-term nature of your relationship and let your girlfriend know it.
In frivolous relationships, another truth is important: don’t hide your true intentions from a woman or deceive her with stories about your future together. Even a temporary partner deserves the truth and the right to choose: to stay or to leave in search of someone with whom she will truly be happy.
Read also: Speaking is not possible without silence: what not to do in a relationship
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When to Tell the Truth
Immediately. A man soon realized he trusted a woman. As soon as he saw her future, he immediately wanted her to be completely and utterly his. This may not be from the very beginning of the relationship. But you shouldn’t delay it either. After all, if a person doesn’t feel “one of them” after a few years, will they feel like one at all?!
This applies to harsh truths that can only be shared with very close people. For example, about difficult relationships with parents, bullying, or a previous drug addiction. This truth, revealed after some time, doesn’t make a girl likeable, but it also doesn’t answer many questions. For example, why her boyfriend didn’t communicate with her parents and where she got that chip on her shoulder. A loving girl will understand how much her significant other trusts her. She definitely supports him and supports him even more. A frank conversation isn’t scary; it may shock you a little, but it still strengthens the relationship.
Should I Tell a Man About My Past?
However, truths that don’t touch your heart should be shared with acquaintances, even on the first day. It’s not about what a man does or how many women he’s had; this requires building trust first. This isn’t provocative news. It’s something people live with. And every relationship should begin with honesty and integrity. This lays the groundwork for something more serious.
How to Present the Truth
Conversations with girls should take place in a private setting. Men should be prepared for this conversation. Invite the girl to a quiet cafe or to your place. He should also schedule an appointment in person, not by text or phone. The invitation should mention that the upcoming conversation is very important to him.
This helps a woman prepare mentally and become imbued with participation and sympathy from the first minutes of communication. Private conversations and intimate settings predispose to frank communication. There is no place for masks in such an environment. In such an atmosphere, a man can relax and calmly explain to a woman.
Girls should not be allowed to learn about their past from someone else. Of course, things discovered by chance or on purpose by a third party do not turn out to be suitable for a relationship. Trust can be destroyed in an instant. A person can be painstakingly restored over a very long time. Even then, his former strong self-confidence will not return.
