Interviews with disabled people about their personal lives: how do people with disabilities live?
Rudeness on dating apps is one of the biggest drawbacks that almost all users have to deal with. Girls especially often behave rudely. However, people with disabilities who are confined to wheelchairs have a much more difficult time.
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What inconsideration people with disabilities have to endure
Just ask Lolo, 31, from Los Angeles. When she opens the dating app again, she often sees lewd messages there. For example, “Hey, beautiful, I know what will help you walk again.”
It’s as if their members have the ability to heal the sick and raise the dead,” laments Rollo, who suffers from muscular dystrophy. “I still can’t get used to such disrespect.”
Unfortunately, for Rollo and thousands of other disabled people, rudeness on dating sites and inappropriate questions about their disabilities and intimate lives are an everyday reality.
Below we look at interviews with three disabled people. In them they talk about the features of their personal lives and answer questions from journalists. Rollo herself agreed to share the revelations, as did Emin Lakari, 29, from Seattle, and Erin Hawley, 35, from New Jersey.
“In a nutshell, how are things going in your personal life?”
Lolo: “Now I don’t even open dating apps. I only meet people once every 3~4 months. Since my diagnosis I have been spending most of my time. Then I had several different acquaintances. Now they send me to the friend zone. Or they refuse to date me because it”s “too rare and scary.”
Erin Hawley: “I”ve dated a lot in the past, but I”ve only had two serious relationships. I”ve been living with a callous partner for the last three years.
Emin: “I met the girl several times. Until I found love.”
“What can you say about dating apps? What is your experience?
Erin: “Online dating for people with disabilities is a nightmare for me. I was constantly getting creepy messages from men asking if I could have sex. Then I learned that some people fetishize disabilities. I find this attitude inhumane.”
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The world of show business sets the general tone. This example continues to play out in all areas of life. Representatives of this niche can do a lot in this regard.
Rollo: “The bad thing is that you never know how a date will go. I remember my third date with one of my friends ended very badly. On the first two dates, he was very nice. But on the third, we had a fight about something. He left me at a restaurant, didn”t help me get a taxi, and didn”t even ask how I got home. I don”t think polite people should behave like that, even when they”re angry.”
Emin: “Scheduling an appointment was very easy. But more often than not, girls couldn”t get it for various reasons. Disability has nothing to do with it.
“Come to think of it, I once dated a girl who didn”t even know she was disabled. She was sad and silent all night. I finally broke down and asked her why. She said she was really surprised because she didn”t recognize the wheelchair in the photo. Since then, I”ve been uploading photos like that to my app and trying to make this fact obvious to my cat, too.
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“What do you think is the most appropriate reaction from others to disability?”
Erin: “The best response for me is when a new acquaintance treats me like a full-fledged person, regardless of my disability. In other words, they treat me as an equal.
Rollo: “I like it when a guy treats me like a girl who likes me. My best advice to someone looking to date a disabled person is to focus more on their personality than their disability.
Emin: I love joking around with girls. It always helps lighten the mood and make conversation more comfortable.
“How do you have sex?”
Emin: “One of my ex-girlfriends constantly dreamed of me pinning her against the wall. And, of course, I often wanted to do the same. This made it very difficult for me to talk to her about this topic. She wanted to emulate this experience in various ways, but ultimately the intimate relationship did not work out. I generally enjoyed dating her, but in the end we broke up.”
Rollo: “All I”m saying is that honesty is very important in these matters. I”ve always tried to tell my partner what behavior I”m more comfortable with. In general, with time and practice, a person”s sex life becomes more varied. So, don”t lose hope by any means, just persevere.”
Erin Hawley: “I think the most important thing in physical intimacy with people with disabilities is to take breaks. Sometimes a position became uncomfortable for me. And it took me a while to adjust to a more comfortable position.
