How to find love in this huge world?
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Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. We help couples find love and understanding again.
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We live in a world full of romantic films, songs and holidays. It is full of loving couples who take over the streets in spring faster than the last blow melts. It seems like everyone is trying to figure out how to find a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or second husband. No, no, yes, the thought crept into my head that it would be better to find a mate.
On the eve of Valentine”s Day, the world is going crazy. It seems that the notorious absence of the second half is almost a mortal sin. And the sympathetic glances of friends and distant relatives! There are times when you “already want to find someone for yourself” so that everyone will leave you behind.
Just because someone believes that the root of all problems lies in loneliness, it is still not recommended to look for a spouse. If you enjoy free-swimming at this stage of your life, that”s great.
However, if you are ready for a romantic relationship and ready to look for love, take our advice.
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“love comes unexpectedly”, “you come by yourself”, “the right person comes into your life by himself”, and somehow, somehow. Believe in a merciful fate and do nothing, and you will live very comfortably.
Pepper Schwartz is a relationship expert and professor of sociology at the University of Washington. And she does not share such an irresponsible approach to her personal life. There is a famous saying that you can find a job when you least expect it. Hmmm, this really happens. But rarely. Most people who believe this end up unemployed. In my opinion, this is a convenient excuse for being afraid to leave the house and strive to achieve your goals. Yes, anything can happen. But this is never the best strategy,” Pepper gives her verdict.
Stop waiting for fate”s gift. Take action. But you shouldn’t despair or make intensive attempts to start a relationship with the first person you come across.
Places you need to know
Attend events more often where you can meet like-minded people. Is there anything interesting planned at the company you work for? Be proactive. It will also give you the opportunity to see your colleagues in a new light. Perhaps your happiness is already under your nose?
Mr. Schwartz also advises paying attention to dating sites. This is a great opportunity to meet tens of men or women in one night. If the site or app you”re already using isn”t working, change your tactics. Edit your profile or try a different dating platform.
Look around
Cool guys and girls pass by you every day, and you don”t even notice it. Take care of your smartphone! Bella Gandy is the founder of Smart Dating Academy in Chicago. And she is simply amazed by the illogical behavior of the men and women who approach her. They complain about loneliness and the inability to find their soulmate, but at the same time spend most of their time hunched over their devices.
I would never condone this kind of behavior at a party where you might be meeting someone! Look around. Look at your loved one and smile. This is a kind of signal that you are ready for the meeting.
Read also: Love at first sight: does it exist and how to find it?
The moment of attraction is like a lightning strike. Or what is comparable to finding a soul mate in a person at first sight? How many similar stories do you have?
Don”t look for madness
Romance and emotional storms are good for dating. However, in the long term, a stronger foundation of relationships is needed. Strive for partnership, not romance,” advises Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist in California.
Look for a person who is willing to both give and receive. The one who listens to you. Someone who cares about your needs and needs,” advises Tina.
Positive attitude
“One of the most important reasons why you have not yet met your love is the lack of the most important thing for yourself and your life. Schwartz draws attention to the fact that the search for a happy relationship begins with working on yourself. Do you want to meet a person like you? Would you like to meet him? Would you like to meet him on the street?
Says Schwartz, “If you”re unhappy, negative, don”t like yourself, and you”re spreading it around, you”re ruining your chance for successful dating.”
Finally, take matters into your own hands. If you cannot cope with your condition, consult a specialist. Play sports and stop giving up on nutrition.
The bottom line is that big businesses need training. Everything is the same here. Work independently. As long as you are alive, there is always something to strive for,” recalls Schwartz.
Personal time
Nicole Barras Fire, a divorce expert and trainer at Start Over Smart in Westport, Connecticut, says, “After a divorce or separation, it’s important to give yourself time.
You”ll be in great shape. You just need to give yourself time to recover from a painful breakup. Reflect on what went wrong. You also need time to reinvent yourself. Otherwise, you risk repeating the mistakes of the past,” warns Nicole.
Sexual interest is not a guideline
Sparks don”t always fly at lightning speed in the first few seconds of meeting someone. The strongest relationships can develop very slowly. And the once passionate relationship quickly fades away.
Sexual interest is very important, but don”t ignore someone just because they don”t make a good first impression.
Etolubov — attraction (official remix)
Opposites are dangerous
Opposites attract. However, these opposite relationships can be very difficult and debilitating.
People who have a lot in common are more likely to have healthy, strong relationships, says Dr. Gail Seilts, a psychiatrist in New York City. The easier it is for you to communicate with each other, the less likely there is to be conflict.
Crazy optimist
Believe that you will meet your person and find your happiness no matter the cost.” You deserve love and it will come into your life. Necessary. All you have to do is go on dates and talk to people. And everything will definitely work out. Trust me,” advises Bella Gandhi.
Recharge yourself with this crazy optimism. This will make the selection process easier. What despair? You won”t give up! Everything will definitely work out! Gandhi recommends communicating with three to five people at a time. Gradually you will understand which one is right for you. Bella quickly clarifies — communicate, but don’t sleep.
What do you want?
Do you need a lot of personal space? Or do you want to spend all your free time with your partner? Are you a very tactile person or do you not like hugs and “stuff”?
There are no right or wrong answers here. Everything is fine for you. But you need to understand your own desires. Otherwise, you will not be able to convey them to your future partner. Only by understanding yourself can you get what you want from each other,” explains Tesina.
Baggage
As long as you take precautions and practice safe sex, you can have fun with anyone. But remember that every person you bring into your life, into your home and into your wallet, brings with them certain baggage,” recalls Tesina.
In the early stages of a relationship, we try to make things look better than they really are. The real picture begins to emerge a little later. Remember this. Take off your rose-colored glasses before things go too far.
Respect yourself
Attracting the attention of someone who will never be interested in you is a very unproductive waste of time. Accept that this person is not right for you and move on.
P. S. A positive attitude is half the battle. Decisive action and the ability to overcome your fears is the second half.
