How to make peace with a girl after a strong quarrel?
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The stormy scandal continues, you are excited and say nasty things to each other, you yourself already regret everything, but evil words continue to ring in your ears. This means you need to be patient. But how?
Contents of the article:
In general, scandals and quarrels in relationships are normal (sometimes relationships, in principle, do not consist of this), but then reconciliation, a cool and calm discussion of the causes of the conflict, and, of course, restoration of warmth, calm and tenderness in your relationship with your loved one. Some conveniences must be observed. How to do all this — read below.
How to make peace with a girl after a quarrel?
- Method 1: Take out your anger on them.
Yes, oddly enough, this is a very important step in reconciliation. The point is that after an argument, you are both probably tense, her insulting words are still ringing in your head, you are increasingly insisting on your own and thinking about how you will respond to her insulting remarks.
In these situations, young people often become passive-aggressive when they have these feelings.
It seems that they are trying to make peace, and the scandal has already subsided, but sometimes sarcastic phrases, passive aggression and irritability slip through — and now the conflict has reached a new level. Surely this has happened to you many times, or your friend or loved one has done this.
Therefore, to avoid all this, you need to take out your anger both on her and on yourself. To do this, for example, you can go in different directions so as not to get hung up on each other and relieve anger in a convenient way. That is, throw away everything that has accumulated, screaming, breaking dishes (buy a set specifically for this fun activity), tearing paper, hitting pillows, writing or recording, etc.
If your couple has established enough trust, then anger can be vented together. For example, you can have a pillow fight. This allows you to express aggression in a playful, half-joking way, but without hurting each other or fighting again.
- Give her space.
After a quarrel, especially if the quarrel is serious and loud, with mutual accusations and arguments, people often want to be alone to digest and analyze what happened. This may be necessary for both you and her — after all, she may even offend you in some way.
You need to pause to realize that your brain is reporting everything that happened logically and without emotion. Then it will sound normal: here I was just a complete jerk, here she was angry with me. Etc.
A pause is also necessary for emotional recovery. Usually fights are accompanied by strong emotions, often with tears on the part of the girl and strong emotions on the part of the man. To go from this outburst to “Shushi Psi, I love you and I love you even more,” or even just your normal friendly communication, is physiologically impossible because you were raised and nervous.
Read also: How to apologize to a guy and make peace with him after a quarrel
Even the strongest couples cannot do without quarrels. After clarifying the relationship again, the resentment falls heavily on the hearts of both, and I want everything as quickly as possible.
Give her freedom if she needs it. Don”t call her, don”t cling to her, don”t respect her needs and don”t blame her later. You don”t want to hurt her anymore, do you?
Analyze everything that happened, calm down and use a pause so that emotions do not control you and your behavior.
- Productive communication.
After an argument, it is obvious that you need to calmly discuss what happened. To avoid getting involved in a new dispute, it is important to follow several rules.
First, communicate using I-statements. This is when you indicate only your feelings in connection with the current situation and do not characterize your partner as a person. Such statements will help you convey your feelings to her in an environmentally friendly way, without offending her. They are built according to the following scheme. (Change action). What can I do about it?
For example, “When you show jealousy towards me, I feel anger, misunderstanding, resentment and pain. In my opinion, it seems unfair to me because I have not done anything that I could be accused of. I would ask you not to discuss this in public. Don”t hurt me by spending time with your ex-girlfriend, we are just friends. What can I do about it?
Against such a statement: “Yes, I didn’t deceive you, jealous hysterical, if this doesn’t get to you, please stop mocking me!”
How to make peace with a girl after a breakup? how to make peace with a girl after a strong quarrel?
Third: don”t make excuses. “You got it all wrong,” “I didn’t mean to,” “I didn’t want to offend you,” “I felt so bad at that moment, I just didn’t want to be upset.” And here you are, you just fell under the hot hand,” “It was just a joke, don’t you understand humor?
Some of these statements are simply manipulative. But even if this is not the case, it does not matter what you think or what motivated you. The fact is that you offended your loved ones. Take responsibility.
If you feel the need to explain, do so later, when the heat of the moment has subsided, or with her permission. Can I explain my behavior? Maybe it will be easier this way? And respect her decision.
Fourth: Don”t blame her. All character traits are strictly prohibited. “Distortion”, “overreacts to everything”, “too jealous” (or something else) — all this is very offensive and indicates that she is not ready for normal adult communication. The most you can do is to only talk about your feelings and not attach any traits to her.
Fifthly, it is also forbidden to touch upon sensitive topics that are sure to offend her.
And finally: one argument or one serious conversation — one question. Otherwise, it’s easy to get stuck in confrontation, mutual arguments, pain and emotions.
After a big fight, don”t forget to show kindness and attention to your loved one. It is better if it is small: careful gestures of love, discreet compliments, willingness to be there, care and support when necessary. Tell her how important she is to you, praise her often, and touch her gently. Make her feel loved again.
Whether or not to make a big surprise is a moot point; everything is individual here. The fact is that after a serious quarrel, a girl may not be ready for joy and gratitude. Change something — whatever else you need, I bought you a broom.
- Negotiation.
One of the most important parts of reconciliation after an argument is that everyone agrees to change their behavior so that it doesn”t happen again. Sit down face to face and calmly talk about the mistakes that caused the fight and what you will do in the future to avoid it.
