How to properly break up with a married man you love: advice from a psychologist
Communication with married men is immoral, terrible, disgusting and generally unworthy behavior for a woman!
Contents of the article:
If we ourselves were innocent white sheep, we would say.
But we are not here to label and lynch.
We understand that you want to end your relationship with this person.
At the same time, you realize that you still have feelings for him.
The situation is difficult, but there is a way out.
Now we will prove it to you.
Why did you even get involved in this?
There are many articles in print and online publications about why married men cheat.
Here is the desire for novelty, and attempts to escape from everyday life, and a midlife crisis, when a lover acts as a cure for self-disappointment.
Sometimes — oh, God! even love is the cause of betrayal.
Most coaches, psychologists and other experts agree on one thing: love is the reason for cheating. Fun, entertainment and games — nothing more. It”s like going to an amusement park and riding a roller coaster.
Far fewer articles explain how women feel in such situations.
And this is a serious omission.
It is impossible to study the psychology of women using the example of men. They have very different mindsets.
The main difference is that when dating married men, women want more.
There are exceptions. Some women have affairs just for the sake of sexual desire and pleasure. They do not intend to build a serious relationship with their lover and kick him out the door as soon as he begins to offer conditions.
Such women have no idea how to part with a boring lover; they are not interested in relationships, they are just looking for a new partner. I got tired and quit, running some kind of business.
But we are now talking about women for whom secret affairs are not a game. It”s not about getting in shape, and it”s not fun for a few months.
We are talking about girls who sit at home alone and swallow their tears, while their loved ones spend cozy evenings with their spouses and children.
Why are you and millions of other girls in this situation?
Let”s look at three main reasons.
Higher. Guys don”t even have to come up with great moves, sometimes using manipulation.
The woman does everything herself. He thinks and fantasizes. And she falls in love with the images she created.
So what if he’s tyrannical/ married/ jealous/ doesn’t want children/ always lies to me. You see, others don”t have a man at all, but at least I have a man.
Dangerous trap. Fear of loneliness is a powerful motivator. Truth is not progress, but regression.
The more insecure a girl is, the more likely she is to fall for this bait. Even if she looks like Monica Bellucci, cooks like Gordon Ramsay and does things in bed that the brothers never dreamed of.
A wild, animal fear of loneliness prompts her to take the first man who comes to hand.
A familiar melody. A colorful man tells his naive girlfriend that he is terribly unhappy in his marriage. His wife does not understand him and treats him differently. There is no sex, no communication, no emotional intimacy. Cohabitation, not marriage.
“Why didn”t you get divorced?” You are asking a question.
And these stories are already pouring into your ears, and JK Rowling stands in the corner with a notepad and carefully writes them down.
Children, wife”s illness, problems with documents.
With a big risk that you are not the first lover in his life, he is already preparing a legend.
Or maybe.?
What if he leaves her anyway? I love him so much, we feel so good together.
What if I don”t love anyone anymore?
What if I can”t find anyone else?
How strong is our faith in miracles!
Read also: How to break up with a man correctly so that he does not suffer? Advice from psychologists
Breaking up a love relationship is an uncomfortable situation. When two people have been together for a long time, “playing at love,” becoming attached, sharing joys and sorrows.
There is a possibility that we can be together.
Let”s skip a little (blatant lie, actually a lot) ointment in the ointment:
- He may decide to divorce for a long time. And when I say a long time, I don”t mean months or years.
Think about it. Decades of lonely nights, a New Year greeted with a bottle of champagne and a presidential speech. Decades of secret dates and asking parents about when to introduce your boyfriend to your parents. Decades of pain, jealousy and painful waiting.
- Life at his pace. You go on dates and go on vacation when it suits him. You miss a friend”s wedding or your parents” wedding anniversary. You cancel business trips or refuse to travel abroad. And all in order to be with him. After kissing you goodbye, he returns to his wife and sleeps in bed with her.
- For anyone familiar with your situation, you are becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom. A bitch who destroys other people”s families and leaves children without a father.
Are you still thinking about continuing this relationship?
How to break up with a married man | psychologist Elena Druma
Why do they return to their wives? Yes, because the rose-colored glasses are falling off. Mistresses become wives and begin to enjoy their rights. Everything is clear with his wife. You know how to calm her down and how to calm her down. But with this newcomer, nothing is clear. Why should I go into all this?
No, I returned to my wife.
Psychologists” opinion
Below is an expert discussion of how such relationships affect a woman and her psycho-emotional state.
Spoiler: it”s very harmful.
- You realize that you are doing something wrong. You know very well that you are destroying other people”s families. Even if “case closed,” you still feel guilty thinking about it.
- Passion clouds your judgment, but a glimmer of common sense shows that this relationship is doomed. You understand this. And live in fear that your intuition might be right.
- There are no formal relations. At the same time, you do not feel free and are deprived of normal relationships. You don”t date or accept gifts from young people. Friends and family can”t tell if you have a partner. You refuse to introduce him, which causes fear and doubt.
Your life is shrouded in a veil of secrets, lies and uncertainty.
When you”re ready, take action.
Preparation
- Enlist the support of your loved ones (this person is no longer among them). If you”re not ready to reveal your secret to friends and family, it”s okay.
Just spend more time with them. Enjoy being with people who truly love you. Recharge yourself with this energy.
Remind yourself that time with loved ones does not converge on this person like a wedge on the light. Even if he is not there, you have someone who is truly important to you.
- Do you have a close friend or relative you can talk to? Do it. You will feel much better. After months (or years) of secrets and lies, you will feel a huge sense of relief. What is your intention to leave your man? Get support. You will again be convinced of the correctness of your decision.
- Someone who can stand up for you? This is not a reason to keep everything to yourself. Write down your feelings and emotions in a diary or blog. Do you want your messages to be private or public? At your discretion. On a thematic forum you can exchange experiences with other women who find themselves in the same situation.
- Take time for yourself. Be selfish. Think about your needs and desires. Love yourself as much as you give to your man — self-care, healthy sleep, sports, meditation, etc.
- Find a new hobby or set new goals related to work or school. This will help you bridge the gap with minimal losses.
Conversation
- Choose a time and place that is convenient for both of you. You need to be alone together. Quiet, cozy cafe, park — choose your favorite place. Make it a neutral zone. There is no need to meet at his home or in an inconvenient place.
If you”re not sure what reaction you can expect from your man, choose a crowded place.
- Try to remain calm. Speak confidently and firmly.
- You can start the conversation by talking about what you don”t like about your relationship. Emphasize that this format does not suit you, and you no longer agree to live the way you lived before.
- If a man tries to convince you, stand your ground. Do not let his persuasion and vows fall on his promise to leave his wife. Especially if he”s used this tactic before.
- Be firm in your intentions. You won”t be able to convince a man of this unless you”re sure you really want to leave. He will put pressure on you, you will break, and your relationship will continue.
- Don”t answer his messages or phone calls. Most likely, he will promise you to leave his wife, put pressure on you so that you feel guilty, and use various manipulations. There is no turning back.
Did he leave his wife?
Recommendations
- You can make a list of “pros and cons of our relationship.” Be as objective as possible.
Then, make a list of the pros and cons of leaving him. The first item, marked with a plus sign, looks like this: “I can date whoever I want.” Or: “I can safely introduce new guys to my friends and upload photos of them together.” Are you smart?
- Keep your farewell party low-key and formal. If your date is too romantic, the risk of ending up in bed with him increases.
- Delete his number and stop stalking him on all social media. If the married man is a coworker, consider changing jobs.
- Throw away all memorabilia. These memories are unnecessary.
- A classic trick is to radically change your image. Start with a new wardrobe, a new hairstyle, and more (or less) makeup than usual.
- Take some time alone, and then actively participate in your social life. You don”t have to go all out. Simply meeting up with friends and going on dates more often is enough. If your ex is controlling you in every way, dates and parties are what you need! Take that red dress that made him so angry.
How to break up with a married man you love. Relationship with a married man
