Reasons why your wife doesn”t want to have sex
Sex is an important part of marriage for women. However, many married women these days view sex as an obligation they can chip in on.
Contents of the article:
Marriage counselors have studied many relationships at different stages, and surprisingly, one in three married women are not fulfilling their marital obligations. Lack of interest in sex among married women is a serious problem that is carefully studied by sexologists.
Sex within marriage
Marriage is not just a contract, it is a commitment. It is expressed not only in legally binding actions, but also in the behavior of the entire person — emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, etc. Therefore, all these components are included in the relationship. Sex is one of the key components. A marriage without sex is incomplete and deprives both partners of all that God has to offer.
Sex between husband and wife is exclusive. It is reserved as a table for two. People meet, exchange rings and take vows. If one spouse refuses sex, the final word is “no,” because there is no other option in the marriage. This connection is renewed and refreshed with every intimate sexual experience in which both parties give themselves to each other.
The focus here is on the moment when a wife refuses sex in a marriage, but the script often changes and it is the husband who stops having sex with his wife. Judging a woman”s virtue by her appearance and shaming men for lack of sexual activity is a painful cause of social rejection.
Why doesn”t my wife want sex?
There are many reasons why wives refuse to fulfill their marital responsibilities. Here are some of them:
- Sex seems optional
In modern society, women tend to occupy the vast majority of jobs. Many of them work, manage household finances, raise children, lead or participate in groups, play sports, go shopping, clean the house daily, and care for large families. Living at such a frantic pace, they are exhausted by the end of the day and have little left to do emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually.
Husbands are often left to their own devices. Women”s lives are so full of demands, responsibilities, and obligations that sex often slips down the priority ladder simply because it seems unnecessary. Many wives don”t believe sex is necessary in marriage.
- Too much sex in the past.
Many young wives claim they had too much sex in their teens and twenties and now don”t want or need sex. And in the context of sex as a physical act, this may make sense. However, in marriage, sex is never “just exercise.”
Perhaps this is a byproduct of society”s view of sex as impersonal. If people aren”t in a long-term relationship and are constantly protected, they can sleep with anyone at any time. To achieve this, people learn to separate the emotional and spiritual aspects of sexuality, leaving only the physical aspect.
This creates marital dilemmas that often resurface years later. Healthy sex in marriage requires physical, sexual, and emotional vulnerability. If emotions and sensuality are turned off, they are difficult to reactivate.
- Misconception: Sex is for Men
Somewhere along the way, many wives stop thinking that sex is meant for them too. Of course, physiologically, women require less sexual release than men, but that doesn”t mean they can be completely eliminated from their lives. Moreover, common misconceptions about the differences between the sexual response cycles of women and men contribute to this misconception. Women often find it harder to achieve orgasm than men.
Without understanding this difference in God”s design, women can feel frustrated in this area of their lives, and men can feel frustrated because they can”t satisfy their wives” sexual needs. This leads to increased feelings of separation for women and reinforces the belief that sex is exclusively for men.
Many women crave tenderness, support, affection, and time with their partner, but they can”t get it. So, when Mr. Busy comes for sex at the end of the day, Mrs. Doom remembers all the things her husband hasn”t done for her lately. Lack of sexual development
- Many couples lose the “nurturing spirit” of sex when they get married. They do what they were supposed to do in marriage and turn away from each other. There was a correct act of marital intimacy, in the best case, one of the partners reached orgasm (the spouse), and that was all. Everyone lies down on their half of the bed and turns their backs to each other.
Relationships must constantly grow and develop, partners must study each other. Sex in marriage should go deeper than orgasm and achieve emotional connection and inner harmony with oneself. It means looking for the good in the other person, ignoring the flaws and finding ways to complement each other in body, mind, character and ourselves.
In exchange for attention and good behavior, there are couples for whom sex is a commodity or even a bargaining chip. This type of relationship adjustment is detrimental to the marriage because some become the reward and some become the punishment. All this creates resentment, distance and contempt.
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In Christian marriage, the Bible states that the body of the husband or wife is not hers, but has become “one.” This means that when a woman gets married, there should be no artificial restrictions or restraints due to the strong bond she has with her spouse. It”s the same thing as not eating.
Therefore, lack of “mood” or “he”s not good for sex” doesn”t matter and shouldn”t have a place in the marital bedroom. Moreover, in 1 Corinthians 7:5, the Bible is clear that sex is not meant to be used for personal gain. Paul writes, “For the Lord did not intend sex for personal gain, but for the salvation of the world.” But they reunited again.
The usual “let”s do it (and get it)” lacks passion and playfulness. Both are essential elements of a happy, healthy sex life.
If everyone just waited for the right time, the right place to have sex, and the right partner, they would miss out on a lot of really great opportunities for communication and for future relationships. In marriage, spouses invest in each other everything they need for a happy life — not because they want to serve, listen or love, but because it is right and necessary.
Marriage should even be above your own desires in the first place. Marriage is a long-term investment, not an ATM. Sex is a way to get into the gym, even if you don”t have much desire to deal with the person once they get there.
It”s unpleasant to admit, but people are very self-centered. If he doesn”t want to, he won”t, and no one is forcing him. There should be no place for selfishness in a successful and happy marriage. A spouse who worries that their partner is selfish becomes self-protective. And when one person demands, but does not do it, it can be manipulative and even aggressive.
Self-defending partners gradually begin to withdraw from the game. This means that, starting from the marital bedroom, the boundaries of marriage are completely crossed. It usually starts with emotional separation, then physical and sexual separation. Selfishness reduces humiliation, sharing, and ultimately relationships. First of all, when both spouses are selfish.
Competition with porn stars
- Pornography can be destructive to a couple”s sex life. Pornography divides sexuality and emotionally distances men from true intimacy and desire for a wife. People addicted to pornography are at risk for developing sexual and psychological disorders. They can lead to shame, inhibitions, uncertainty, fear of being abandoned, and inability to achieve an adequate erection or respond to a real, living woman.
The wife doesn”t want sex: does that mean she has a lover?
The wife doesn”t want sex: does that mean she has a lover?
- Distance between people makes the heart beat again, and some say that love comes to them as soon as they meet again. But with sex in marriage, everything is much more complicated — the longer the wait, the more awkward subsequent physical intimacy may seem. Perhaps this is why sex in Jewish culture is considered minimal — once a week.
If it”s been a long time since you were last intimate, there may be some awkwardness, so you might want to try planning that night of lovemaking you”ve been wanting. Of course, this can be veiled in the form of a romantic dinner and watching a movie on the couch, which in itself means the end of the night in the marital bedroom. As weeks pass in close proximity, connections between people are often broken or satisfaction is sought elsewhere.
Women tend to consider themselves the least beautiful and the least sexy. A woman”s body (and her mind and emotions) goes through many changes throughout her life. Pregnancy, sleep loss, stress, thyroid conditions and hormones can change your skin and weight. Women who share a bed with their spouse often feel how they look.
Additionally, there is a common myth that sex after a certain age is considered ineffective, especially as women experience body changing cycles and postmenopausal sexual responses.
You can have sex at any age, but relationships should be built on love, trust, unity and mutual understanding.
For some women, sexual intercourse can be very painful. There are many physical ailments (many of them treatable) that make women indifferent to sex. In such situations, consultation with a personal gynecologist, psychologist or sex therapist is necessary.
Sex feels dirty.
- Women can have both physical, emotional and spiritual blocks. Some women grow up in families where sex is considered sinful and dirty. Often young people are brought up with the spirit: “Sex is bad, but save it for those you love.” After the honeymoon, it is difficult to change this view of sex.
In addition, many women have experienced physical or sexual violence during childhood, adolescence or adulthood. Such traumas can make it difficult to perceive sex as safe, comfortable, and enticing. Sexual shame can be a serious obstacle to having a healthy, calm, fulfilling, and intimate relationship with your husband.
Misconceptions
- The church has often struggled with the biblical understanding of God”s plan and purpose for sex since 170 AD. Early church leaders advocated the following beliefs: marriage was only for procreation, some people left marriage as virgins (Justin Mar Churchman), Adam fell after sex (Origen), marriage is bad because it makes prayer difficult), and sex is problematic because it interferes with the mind and calls for a contemplative life (Thomas Aquinas).
These beliefs, along with many others, have been the norm in the Church for over 1, 400 years. It was not until the 1500s that a man named Martin Luther, who ushered in the Great Reformation, changed this and called for the Church to return to biblical study and understanding of the Church”s established human tradition.
He broke with the belief that the body was sinful, arguing that it was Satan”s work to corrupt God”s gift of sex. Moreover, he taught that sexual desire is “as natural as hunger and thirst.” It was his teaching that was considered the first in the modern organized church to allow marital sex along with procreation for pleasure.
A couple”s sex life often reflects the state of their relationship. When a couple stops having sex, it is usually a sign of a deeper level of breakup. As a rule, women first shield themselves emotionally, then sexually, and finally they develop parallel lives in which they begin to live around their spouse. As a rule, this is followed by divorce.
Thus, when a wife is interested in sex and does not want to fulfill her marital responsibilities, this is a major signal that they have cooled down in the relationship and are living in a created world. And how to return passion to a relationship when there is no sex with your wife, read further in the next article here.
What to do if your wife avoids sexual intercourse?
