Sincere friendship between a guy and a girl and does it happen?
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They say that friendship between a man and a woman is a kind of prelude to sex. Or he started a relationship, but is unlikely to continue it. Yes, cynics. In Soviet times, heterosexual comrades were friends. Well, or later he got an inappropriate lifestyle at party meetings.
Contents of the article:
- Why is it generally believed that it does not exist?
- Personal experience of not-so-good friendships
- Mom said so
- Non-reciprocal love
- Is cynicism man”s friend, or what?
- Sexism and friendship
- Why doesn”t it all matter
- If a friend suddenly turns out to be
- This is a scary word — friend zone
- How to avoid being “friendzoned”
- Girlfriend and spouse
And there was no sex. And today everyone just complains that girls lure men into relationships under the pretext of friendship, and then “don’t let them into their bodies” for years. Are there really strong heterosexual friendships?
Why is it generally believed that it does not exist?
The position of a friend”s failed lover is very popular. The reason is simple.
- People judge by their own experience. In life, he did not particularly care about meeting friends or girlfriends; this did not happen for several objective reasons.
- So says the council of mothers, fathers, schools or teachers. Others with authoritative views lay the foundations from childhood. Therefore, we have an illogical attitude that has nothing to do with our personal experience.
- We really want to believe. Victims of non-reciprocal love can be “friends” with their loved ones for years and wait for everything to change. It”s very natural.
- Extreme cynicism. People are driven by greed, the desire for power and sexual gratification. Friendship is only a temporary union of organisms with a common goal. When goals lose their relevance, they collapse. In such cases, it makes sense that more one-on-one relationships are needed.
- Gender discrimination. Boys believe that girls are not genuine people because their father told them so. In society, girls are “on horseback,” but in the family they are under authority, but they are like men. The mother said the following.
- Both sexes do not get anything particularly attractive from the relationship, so a system of concessions, checks and balances is created. Of course, it is impossible to be sincerely friends with such an attitude.
Personal experience of not-so-good friendships
Girls have such friends. An amazing young man who is always ready to help in a difficult situation, loves movies and can even read books. But it immediately becomes clear that he is not a friend and wants to get to know her. And the poor girl doesn”t like him at all.
Yes, girls are not only content with the fact that there are at least some men in their boring, gray life, but they also choose by appearance, voice, behavior and, not least, by the smell of perfume. The relationship may be good and mutual, but there is absolutely no spark in it. And that”s okay.
Let”s say a friend is offended by you, saying that she is being “zoned out.” And she doesn”t do it on purpose. She just doesn”t like you as a sex object. Yes, this guy is tall, wild blond with blue eyes and probably has a salary of several thousand dollars. But only a small, flexible brunette can light up a girl. And she doesn”t care about the salary.
Over time, friendships with different goals can become quite tiring for both men and women. And “friend” in both cases is very unsatisfactory. The reason for this is the difference in goals. Over time, girls develop a stereotype that “men only need one thing,” and they stop communicating with men in general, not for relationships or work.
Mom said so
We love our parents, and that”s wonderful. But their experience often turns out to be decisive in our lives. Let”s say your mother is convinced that a friend who texts a girl at night just to chat about tomorrow”s philosophy seminar with a French existentialist is not a friend, but a potential lover.
Perhaps she herself had only friends or no one at all, and the appearance of her daughter was a miracle. What difference does it make, the main thing is that mom expresses her valuable opinion every day.
Assuming that the friend is not very good, she posts a video from her last birthday. In it, the girl is a little crazy and dances on the bar counter. This is not a hilarious story superimposed on the words of a mother, but a greeting to a newcomer who now believes that friendship between men and men does not exist.
Non-reciprocal love
Everyone has had this. Usually people try to close themselves off from pain and cut off contact with their lover, but sometimes they continue to dream. If strength lies in living peacefully, then this is a completely healthy strategy. However, without such power it does not work well. After this, lovers can actively “be friends.”
The appearance of such friends in life only makes things worse, because a person constantly falls into the trap of differences in his desires and abilities. Over the years, it becomes more and more frustrating, the pain turns into disappointment, and the person no longer perceives reality correctly.
It may seem to him that life is generally unfair, that there is no love or friendship in it. Such a person needs to try to get out of the depths of negativity and not focus on broadcasting negative thoughts outward.
Read also: Girlfriend in a relationship: can a guy and a girl be friends
Over the years, people have been trying to come to a common agreement, regardless of whether uneven people can be friends or not. Conflicts on this one.
Is cynicism man”s friend, or what?
The most cynical people are former romantics who tried to get through the thorn in the stars. Indeed, if a person evaluates a relationship in terms of benefits, he can
- At least be “friends” if his “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” can solve the desired problems, help with business, organize work, control depreciation, etc.
Cynics can truly fall in love, but this is rare. However, most of them actively strive to acquire material wealth rather than spiritual ones.
Cynical girls can manipulate their “friends” as they please. For example, someone needs to show their parents that their personal life is in order. The friend quickly turns into a “man”. Then, when that doesn”t do any good, he reverts to being friendly.
Cynical people use “girlfriends” to meet their sister or someone else from their close circle and do not even respond to messages on social networks when the goal is achieved.
Sexism and friendship
Unfortunately, however, we have become overly concerned with “gender differences” in what has been claimed to be an equal right. Some men “think only about one thing”, others claim that girls are too commercial and cynical and will only be “friends” if you have a simple local salary and no car.
The girls are too weak and uninteresting for hiking. Men are too rude and don”t understand art. They cannot be invited to exhibitions. These are all manifestations of sexism.
Discrimination against a person based on gender, or more precisely, his perception of social stereotypes “you are a girl” and “you are a boy,” interferes with friendship between men and women. In patriarchal countries, religious prohibitions are also crumbling. As a rule, there is no chance.
At the same time, there are even these “you-guy” types. This is a girl who is interested in cars, football, games, and sports, drinks eight beers on the topic of excess weight, and can hold a conversation. The stereotype is that these girls are friends; they borrow 1, 000 rubles from their salary and even drink beer with them.
But, according to most, the relationship doesn”t start as such. The girl—”her guy”—hangs out in the backyard of the male world as some kind of universal companion who wants more but gets nothing. Ultimately, he falls into the category of “only friend.” Read about Friendzone and how to avoid it by following the link.
Why doesn”t it all matter
If a person”s life is determined solely by sex hormones, then we
Humanity, science, art, cultural progress—all this shows that people are no more complex than sexual and social patterns based on reproduction. The presence of other interests in people determines that men and women can be friends.
5 situations when friendship between a guy and a girl is possible
If a friend suddenly turns out to be
Yes, friendship can end in sex, marriage, or anything at all. That”s the beauty of modern life. Limits are becoming increasingly narrow. The main thing is that friends” desires coincide. And one friend has long been in love, and the other is still somewhat in love.
You”re building strange patterns in your head, worrying and stressing. You”re friends, and you need to talk. Otherwise, what”s the point of a friendship if people can”t find common ground?
This is a scary word — friend zone
This is the name for a relationship in which one partner artificially reduces the other”s efforts to artificially reduce the other”s efforts. The concept of a friend is a concept with nuances of “you don”t deserve my love,” or “you don”t deserve my love.” There have been many heated debates online about this topic, but it”s not just about girls “becoming friends” with their partners.
For example, a man is handsome, young, wealthy, has his own business, and has strange hobbies, such as a love of Swedish art-house films. His girlfriend is young, reliable, and beautiful, but she”s not quite the “girl from the lake” type of rich businessman. That is, she”s not a full-figured woman, has a D cup, and toned legs. She”s just an ordinary girl; she doesn”t even have a mountain of hair.
The girl wants to be closer and has repeatedly tried to “escape” from her friends. Men continue to treat her as a friend, go to the Swedish art house to see her movies, but with other girls they are fashionable extreme sportsmen. And in clubs. And we travel to relax. Over time, our heroine develops a feeling of inferiority. All this seems to her, or rather, it seems that she does not want to meet fashionable beauty standards.
The girl was completely tired of her “friends” and stopped responding to messages. She finds a man, dates him and marries him. But she never forgets her friends and tries to find a way out of the friend zone. She calls first, but thinks everything is lost.
How to avoid being “friendzoned”
There is no universal recipe, for example, “friendship is better than a relationship, but call her again and again.” But of course, unless it”s a really strong friendship with an adult, you should talk to your friend — and that”s not always possible. Therefore, you can remain honest in relationships.
But it may not get better, at least not right away. Overall, it”s important to keep your friendships honest, no matter what happens.
Girlfriend and spouse
Not everyone can maintain friendly relations with unequal friends after marriage. Yes, if you play sports together, as well as what you choose or decide to do, then that”s great. Then the family and company exist in a harmonious space.
However, if your wife has not crossed paths with friends before and does not mind you just meeting and introducing them, then there is a problem. Few people can understand friendship between a man and a woman if her husband or spouses are involved.
You can only avoid jae if you spend time together and communicate. However, this remains a highly problematic situation. Especially if your spouse is against it. Of course, adults need to explain that sometimes they can be friends without “attacks on honor” or secret love.
Yes, they say that a spouse is worth more than a friend. But for a full and healthy life, we need communication and support not only at home. That”s why friends are very important. It doesn’t matter what gender they are, as long as their attitude is sincere.
Therefore, friendship between a man and a girl exists only as long as the man and woman believe in it. And when you can control yourself without wasting time on drama, then you can break into fulfilled relationships and love.
The problem is that not everyone enters into these relationships with complete sincerity. If the “comrade” is sleeping with someone and looking for a future in marriage and children, there”s nothing better to do than hide your true feelings for your “friend.”
But you can find out whether friendship between men exists in the next article!
