Stages of marital relations. What are the reasons for people breaking up?
Some psychologists believe that love currently has five stages. Love, pairing, disappointment, intense love and finally love that changes the world. And to understand why people get involved, you need to know more about each of the five stages described.
Contents of the article:
The sweet burden of falling in love
Love is an ardent and passionate age of only early new love. Scientists say that this emotion is a purely physiological reaction of the body to saturation with dopamine. Oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and astrogen are also important.
This condition is somewhat reminiscent of alcoholism. The shortcomings of one partner are completely unnoticed by the other partner. The duration of a love life is about two years. However, in practice, each case is purely individual, as it is determined at the genetic level and depends on the amount of hormones in the body. It is believed that love is implanted in the human consciousness by the mother herself for the worldly continuation of humanity.
Creation of a family union
The creation of a couple occurs when the enthusiasm of love has already faded and the partners have decided to get used to each other, are created for each other and agree to live together “until old age.” At this moment, both partners are proud of each other and selflessly prepare for the upcoming marriage. Some couples are already expecting their baby.
A common goal further unites partners buying a car, apartment or cottage. They are ready to proudly show their union to the whole world. “Game” hormones replace strong feelings of affection. However, more gentle sex brings complete satisfaction.
Partners feel secure, their emotions are stable, and they believe that they can never disappear. However, they are both terribly mistaken, because, as practice shows, they will face a very difficult period of disappointment.
Time of bitter disappointment
During the frustration phase, partners seem to treat each other in a way that is completely unexpected. Without any reason, the couple experiences a physically concrete rejection and the feeling that mutual love never existed and is a figment of their imagination.
No couple is ready for such a turn of events. However, some manage to adequately cope with this problem. Not all newlyweds immediately run away from each other; some try to understand and stop the current difficulties on their own.
However, unfortunately, most couples break up at this stage. At first, they live with a feeling of dissatisfaction; they try to keep them at work for a long time (in order to minimize communication with the other half with the soul waiting at home). There are no apparent reasons for this. Scientific experiments have proven that even partners get sick during this period. Additional negative components of the dispute include:
- Nervous disorder;
- Decreased immunity;
- Indifference
- Problems with erection and libido.
Nowadays, most people have decided to end their relationship and are looking for an escape route. They believe that continuation is impossible and that they have been a complete failure in their attempt to start a family. According to psychologists, this is where ex-lovers make a big mistake. When marriage begins, there is no need to immediately run away from them. On the contrary, problems need to be solved together.
Disagreements are like viral infections, and if a couple can overcome them together, it builds a strong immune system, which then helps the couple live happily ever after. At this moment, the belts begin to recognize their “half” without hormonal influence and fall in love with an illusion, not an ideal life partner, but a very real and normal representative of “homosapiens”.
When you overcome this period together, you will be able to build true love and begin to get to know each other completely, as in reality.
The stability of lasting love
The stage of intense love begins after a calming storm. Couples find all the reasons for previous conflicts. Almost all of them begin in childhood. They also found that people can be guilty of arguing within an argument. Both spouses are always responsible. The selfishness of both fades into the background, and they begin to truly support each other in everything. This strengthens the relationship between them and radically breaks down the conflict that results from birth. The spouses begin to live on the same wavelength.
Read also: 4 reasons for breaking up with a girl when a breakup is inevitable
There are many reasons why continuing (or even starting) a relationship with a particular girl is impossible. First of all, it is worth understanding which ones.
The stage of absolute, all-consuming love
According to the world-famous psychologist Dr. Diamond, the fifth stage can be safely called absolute love. Few married couples can experience this. This is due to the fact that most spouses remain in the phase of strong love until the end of their days.
However, there is not enough room in the hearts of two lovers for such strong and light feelings. She strives to reach the whole world. Such tender wisdom, during the period of pure and tested love, eventually begins to be realized in humanity, first in one’s children, and then in other parents, relatives and acquaintances. Often such married couples begin to actively participate in the work of various charitable organizations.
The behavior of the spouses is also explained by the fact that their mature love no longer needs nourishment and summing up all the years, and poetic love begins to change the world. Sometimes such couples find themselves in creativity — they write books together or organize all kinds of social projects.
Summing up at this stage, we can say with confidence that creating strong and harmonious relationships may not be possible for all married couples. Often, even the most idealistic (as it seemed from the outside) couples can surprise others by breaking up. Sometimes the reasons are the most ordinary, sometimes spontaneous and unexpected, but the essence may remain unchanged. Why is it considered the most common reason for divorce? Why do people break up?
Why do people break up? TOP 9 reasons
- Incompatibility of married couples in everyday life.
This reason for divorce almost always allows young families to “refuse”, but only to unite in eternal marriage unions. After the euphoric phase of falling in love ends, couples begin to realize each other”s shortcomings. Whether it”s your spouse”s dirty socks carelessly thrown near the sofa, dirty dishes left on the kitchen table, or a bucket that hasn”t been taken out.
In the same way, husbands begin to notice the mess and careless performance of their spouse in her duties — unwashed dishes, hair left in the bathroom sink, burnt dinner again. All of this taken together can destroy a marriage. Unfortunately, not all couples can change their habits in order to maintain love and marriage, and ordinary everyday issues become the main thing that people do.
Adults who trust themselves and get married already have a fairly structured personality with their own characters and habits. Not all spouses who begin to live in marriage realize that some of them need to be sacrificed, and some of them need to change.
For example, a husband’s habit of spending Saturday evenings with friends or drinking standard beer at the nearest sports bar can irritate his wife and lead to constant scandals.
Life after a breakup. stages of separation from a loved one. | Maryana Kadnikova
In most cases, representatives of the female half of humanity can “boast” of excessive jealousy. However, men who try to make their spouse jealous of the first pillar are no exception. There are often situations when the same complex covers both spouses at the same time. In this case, both the couple are constantly in trouble, and the other suffers from constant and completely unfounded in-shaming. The most annoying thing is that doubts and total control can destroy even the most seemingly stable relationships.
- The pain of adultery
Of course, not all couples divorce after one of the spouses cheats. Some people worry about this very unpleasant event, but trust can never be restored at the proper level. Betrayal is always accompanied by a conflict between one’s own subconscious and regrets. In most cases, sooner or later this leads to the inevitable separation of the couple.
- Sexual compatibility
At first, seemingly surprisingly seductive sex ceases to satisfy both spouses or one of them. We can talk about both the quality of sexual life and the number of intimate “meetings” between spouses.
The risk of separation due to sex is especially high in those couples where the relationship was initially built on all-consuming passion. After a while, it becomes clear that sex is not a quality at all, and a spouse is not something that connects him with something other than himself.
- No children
If most women just got married and began to dream of a little nut, which, in their opinion, will revive their happy life, then not all husbands are ready for such an event.
The reasons may be different — some male representatives believe that at first you need to stand firmly on your own two feet and make a career (buying a car or a dacha), others simply do not want to share the attention of their wife with a third spouse. Even if they are his own children. Such reasons for strange bizarre divorces are among the most common.
At the first stage of their relationship, they are quite wasteful. Moreover, this applies to both men and modern liberated women.
Both alcoholic beverages and alcohol are reasons why people break up. At the same time, half of the women in society are ready to tolerate the shortcomings of their spouses. But be that as it may, and no matter who the other person is in this couple, they can lead to quarrels, attacks and outbursts of highly motivated aggression in a very short time.
- Computer addiction.
In our difficult times, there is a catastrophic lack of the crazy rhythm of life, when spouses devote themselves to communicating with each other. At the same time, if one of the spouses spends it on aimless entertainment on social networks, online games or chatting.
- Lack of finances.
Often it is the insufficient level of earnings that destroys the spouse component. This may be due to the husband”s insufficient earnings, which may be higher than the established standard spousal income.
Whatever it is, the question of why people remain a mystery. In some cases, even the most difficult aspects remain unresolved, and the most innocent can be left with bitter tears of disappointment.
Be that as it may, there is no room for two relationships. If you value your significant other and your union, try to define all relationships exclusively with each other. Only this will help you find points of contradiction and come to a mutual decision on how to maintain the relationship and whether it is worth saving.
