Subtle manipulation or radical openness—which is better in a relationship?
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They say all”s fair in love and war. And such ideas often prove to be very true—after all, when a relationship turns into a real testing ground, anything goes. From subtle psychological manipulation to throwing acidic tomatoes at each other.
Contents of the article:
Manipulation vs. Excessive openness _VS
But is this really true? Is this an attempt to control a partner through subtle psychological techniques?
Some people believe that any communication is a form of manipulation. This isn”t disrespectful, but we still somehow influence others through our words, facial expressions, and appearance. There are also those who disagree. They believe that in relationships, we need to tell our partner or new acquaintance everything we think about them. Who”s right?
American psychologist Jeremy Nicholson explains, “It”s mostly women. Such tactics seem funny, frivolous, and very sweet. I don”t see anything wrong with them playing a certain role on a date—no matter how far removed from their true nature.”
I have a different group of clients. They prefer to speak frankly about everything rather than hide anything, even if they”re talking about unpleasant things that offend their partners. Paradoxically, this category mostly includes women. Apparently, at least in my circles of friends, this doesn”t cause much prejudice among men.”
Is it important to reflect on communication methods?
It”s clear that the very wording of the question isn”t entirely correct in this regard. The choice of behavioral strategy largely depends on what you want to achieve from communication. If you want flirtation, why not create it? If you have something important to say, you can do that too. However, remember to be polite and uphold ethical standards.
Read also: Signs It”s Time to End Your Relationship With Him
In one of my previous articles, I already wrote about why you might conclude that you and this girl aren”t compatible. Now it”s my turn.
If you directly tell someone that “you”re fat”, guess what their reaction will be? Therefore, always try to evaluate your communication goals. And question whether you are allowed to act with your partner and how much you need their honesty to disappear on your own. Moreover, “childish” honesty in itself is also manipulation. “In the end, you seem to throw all our ideas out the window and encourage us to do the same with our partners.”
When manipulation is destructive
Sometimes people want something but can”t say it directly. In most cases, the reason in this case is fear. “In this case, you are dealing with manipulation in the most negative sense of the word. You don”t have to stick to it. The main thing is to know the main signs of negative manipulation and think about them in time,” explains Nicholson. He then lists some of the reasons that motivate people to such behavior:
- The desire to hide the truth from you.
- Inability to communicate openly. Fear of accusation, relief from laughter.
- Common habits of deception and manipulation.
- Trauma in child-child relationships. Lack of security, persecuted from a young age.
If you are dealing with such a person, or if this destructive habit is common to you, it is useful to remember a few rules. First, learn to talk about your intentions. Alternatively, go to this partner. Find ways to build dialogue honestly, without evasion.”
Secondly, you should be able to talk about your feelings, and not insist on them. If your opponent is manipulative, ask him how he feels and what upsets him. And finally, if this does not help, you must fight the manipulator with your own weapons. For example, the following caustic phrase: “Darling, may I ask your personal opinion on this issue?” can be answered just as briefly. Jeremy ends the interview with these words.
Manipulation that destroys relationships. Beware of such manipulations. periods of growth
