The girl told how she got out of an abusive relationship
This article was written on behalf of a young girl who told me how she got out of an abusive relationship. I hope she can help you and your loved ones.
Contents of the article:
My experience in an abusive relationship lasted 10 months, and if not for a lucky coincidence, I would not have been able to leave it.
Dating and starting a relationship
When we met, I was 19 years old, and I had little relationship experience, and he was 25. We met via the Internet, out of boredom we agreed on a meeting, then another one. Interestingly, he turned out to be a military man. It was an 18 month contract in my city. Our acquaintance happened at a difficult time for me, I was looking for a job, I had financial problems. Suspecting this, the man began to try to help in every possible way, but I refused. I told him that I needed to pay my rent urgently and would have to borrow money. He took me by the hand, dragged me to the ATM, threw out the money and gave it to me. I promised to give. Three weeks later, he abruptly kissed me, and I fell in love for an instant when the ground literally disappeared from under my feet. From that day on, I began a relationship that I had not planned at all and had not even considered.
The first bells
At first glance, he seemed like the perfect man, and every day I fell more and more in love. I liked his views on life and his attitude towards me. He gave me flowers and gifts, gave me constant compliments, prepared me and took care of me in every possible way. But when the conversation turned to his ex-girlfriend, he was the only one who had nothing nice to say. Everyone felt bad for him, everyone was terrible with him, and he shamed them with his last words. Once, after my story, he also spoke about me, but replied that I was not the best, that I was the best girl in the world. He spoke horribly about everyone, but he said that I was special. Literally a week later he began talking about living together. After a few weeks he insisted on living with me and moved in with me. Life started out great, he helped me around the house, provided for me and took care of me. During this period, his holidays began, and we went to his hometown. He met my mother, other relatives of my parents and me. I found a job, and at that time he was doing more at home than me. I came home, and there my order and a good dinner were waiting for me. I thought I had the best man in the world.
Soon I decided to quit and look for a new job, but the man began to dissuade me. He suggested that I take a break and sit at home, and I agreed. As a result, I sat at home, constantly ordering something and cooking every day. He was pleased and constantly told me that I did not need to look for a job. I had no idea how perfect everything turned out to be. From the first months of the relationship, he started talking about children, and I thought it was sweet. But after three months, he began to seriously talk about the need to be faster with children. I wanted a child from him because I loved him very much, but I understood that it was too early.
Marriage proposal
A week before the New Year we went shopping. And that day I noticed that he does everything his own way. It seemed like a small thing, but he never asked my opinion. When we returned home, he went to take out the trash, and I must say that I was unhappy, he did not listen to my opinion. I noticed this earlier and thought that he was used to figuring things out.
And then he returns, I meet him near the door and want to start a conversation, and he begins to teach me to recognize love. I don’t understand anything, but at some point he takes out a box with a gold ring, and it’s knee time. At this moment my heart is jumping out of my chest and my knees are shaking. He said, “Will you marry me?” The phrase was spoken. I couldn”t believe what was happening. I didn’t expect this, and we had only been dating for four months. I said, “Yes,” and tears of joy flowed from my eyes. I was literally shaking with shock and joy. When we recovered a little from our emotions, he asked when we were going to get married. And I thought that there was no need to rush into such a decision. I set the condition that the wedding would take place in a year so that we could get to know each other better, he was upset, but agreed.
How a fairy tale began to turn into a nightmare
After this statement, his attitude towards me gradually began to deteriorate. During our arguments, he began to raise his voice at me and then shout obscenities. However, I always found excuses for him. He constantly began to accuse me of lack of money and began to demand perfect order and fresh food every day. When he said I had to get up at 5am to make coffee, we ended up arguing and he was furious that I didn”t agree. And I closed my eyes to all this, madly and with love.
Read also: How to hint to a girl about a relationship: many different ways confessing your feelings doesn”t seem that difficult. What you just have to do is say it! But be that as it may. Shyness, fear of rejection, etc.
One evening he was drinking heavily and I tried to stop him because he was very drunk. This made him very angry and he said he would attack me. At that moment my world collapsed. The man I loved more than life itself, the most beautiful man in the world, suddenly turned into a monster. After this phrase, tears flowed from my eyes, I began to put on my shoes, he tried to stop me, but I still tried to leave, and he attacked me, pushed me out of the apartment and closed the door. I wandered the streets at night, crying, not knowing what to do next. I understood that it was from him and sooner or later he would begin to act, but I could not imagine my life without him. I went home in the evening when he went to bed, and in the morning he went to work. I didn’t have my own, so I started looking for another apartment and money. He called me all day and finally I answered. He started praying for forgiveness and repeating that he loved me more than life itself and that he would not do this again. When I told him that I was leaving, he promised to code himself. He asked me to wait while he spoke to me from work. I waited, he arrived with flowers, began to pray for forgiveness and repeat how much he loves me. As a result, I forgave him, but on the condition that he would no longer drink. He lasted two weeks and started drinking again, but was unable to quit. Indeed, his harshness and coldness alternated with periods of mad love, when he did everything possible for me. These pleasant moments gave me hope that everything would get better.
My personal story of a relationship with an abuser
Not a wedding
One day in February he called me from work and tried to dumbfound me with the phrase “we are getting married in April.” He simply decided to confront me with a fact. I reminded him that the wedding wouldn”t take place for another year and that I would be in the UK in April. We ended up arguing and he started feeling guilty, implying that I didn”t like him. He decided that the wedding should take place in April and nothing else. After his attack, I agreed and had to call my parent-relative and choose a wedding dress. But I began to realize that I was afraid, terribly afraid. All these days I cried for no reason, I love him more than life itself, but I could not admit to myself that I was afraid to connect my life with this man. At that time I was about to go to university and was registered to take exams. The defining moment was his phrase: “You should think about the wedding and me, and not about your studies.” This brought tears to my eyes and I told him I wasn”t ready and suggested we postpone the wedding. He was furious, we argued for a long time, he blamed me for everything, but he resigned himself. Our relationship deteriorated every day, and I began to realize that he was constantly criticizing me. He never learned to take my opinion into account. When he decided something, he simply confronted me with a fact. We continued to talk about children, but he said that I was not ready, that I was not ready. One day he got tired of waiting for me to be ready, and he just came inside during sex, knowing that I would be against it. To my shock, and the woman was furious, he began repeating that if I loved him, I would be ready and willing to get pregnant from him. He started accusing me of not loving him. I thought about taking emergency contraceptive pills, but the thought of having a baby stopped me. I still dreamed about him and left him alone.
The pregnancy never happened, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Because during those weeks of waiting, our relationship had been rapidly deteriorating. He was constantly making comments that bordered on the absurd. I didn”t sigh loudly or remove the bottle from the table so he could yell at me. I couldn”t understand what was happening and tried to figure out why he was treating me so badly. You really see it.” And every time I think that the problem is most likely in me, and I feel like I have harmed myself. He blamed me for everything, and I believed that it was his fault. When his accusations became regular, I shared this with a friend. Then he turned to me and explained that all of this was unusual and that he had absolutely no respect or love for me. My love for him was boundless, and I was simply trampled. But I began to understand that in the fairy tale, nothing remained that was in it originally, except for the words about love. One day he told me that he had previously agreed to move to his homeland, but soon we would move. The realization that I would have to move with him to a strange city drove me crazy. During one of our arguments, he said that if I did not cook for him, then he did not need me, and he would not live by his own rules, and that my opinion did not matter to him. At the beginning of my digging, at the beginning of the relationship, he spoke completely differently and answered: “You never know what I said.” And then I realized he wasn”t the first person he”d pretended to be. It was a painful disappointment, because I believed he was my destiny.
The decision was not easy
About a month passed between the day we decided to break up and the day we broke up. Looking at him, I couldn”t say the words. But when I imagined my future life with him, I realized I didn”t want that kind of life, so as the move-in date approached, I cooled off. When I told him we were breaking up, he didn”t believe me. There was a week left until the move, and he was sure I”d change my mind. I cried day and night, but I realized I had to hold on to him to keep from going back to him. I had the help of friends who supported me and kept in touch. He left, but several more people tried to bring things back. After the breakup, I felt worthless. I missed him like crazy and was ready to run away and go immediately. I went to him, but my friends stopped me. It took a year and a half before I completely came to my senses and forgot about him.
