The guy blows his mind? Is this dangerous for relationships?
Unfortunately, happy and harmonious couples are becoming less and less common, and unhealthy unions are becoming more and more common. Normal hysterics are the prerogative of not only women, but also men. Psychologists warn: if a man makes up his mind and regularly complains, he can be a real manipulator.
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Why is personality data so bad? The fact is that they make their partners suffer and feel unhappy. Some manage to break free and get rid of the slavery of the offender, some carry this heavy burden all their lives.
Who is a manipulator?
At first, it may seem that such men are strong and powerful individuals who always achieve their goals. This is wrong. They are powerful, but morally weak and very vulnerable. All this simultaneous pride, demandingness and independence is just a defense against their unstable, bad and unhappy inner world.
Manipulators often have an unstable self-reality that ranges from the highest to the least. But even in times of narcissism and pride, he is not confident in himself, he is tormented by anger at the world, lust for others and hatred of women.
Another characteristic of an abuser is that he only reveals his true self to his intended victims. This means that such a person may seem completely harmless, for example, in a work group. Friends may view him as a kind and brilliant person, and work colleagues may describe him as responsible and helpful. And only one girl knows about the dark side of his character. Why?
Because the manipulator feels where he can exert pressure by putting down roots, so if he meets people who are morally stronger than him, he begins to pretend to be a normal, inconspicuous person. Thus, in most cases, the angry and cold abuser is the person who describes the whole situation well.
It is worth noting that the manipulator does not immediately show his character. And this is very logical. After all, even a girl with the lowest self-esteem is unlikely to be interested in a young man who is plotting against her from the very beginning. To do this, the attacker waits for the moment when the victim completely falls in love and dissolves in him. And in most cases, they begin to demonstrate often divergent moral fluctuations.
For example, today a man blows his mind, tomorrow he remembers an unforgettable date with his first acquaintance and loving eyes. This principle unsettles the victim.
It is worth dispelling the myth that manipulators do nasty things. In most cases, negative actions occur unconsciously. This happens because they are designed this way and it is normal for them. None of the villains develop plans for the moral destruction of their partners. Everything happens under the influence of impulse, hatred and anger. But, of course, there is still a share of conscious actions. For example, a deliberate challenge to play dj or “closer, further.”
If a person blows his own brains out, is he always a manipulator? Almost always yes. After all, what is brain removal? These are hysterics, arguments, suspicion and excessive jealousy. We mainly talk about unhealthy unions because these phenomena are unacceptable in healthy relationships. And it is in this environment that manipulators live. But, of course, it can be assumed that a man’s brain loss occurs due to his excessive fatigue or the ugly behavior of the woman he loves.
Read also: All about relationships and rules of behavior between a guy and a girl
I can discuss relationships with girls without restrictions. Not everyone will be able to treat their partner correctly, so everyone will have their own point.
How to recognize a villain?
For a girl with adequate self-esteem, it becomes obvious if the offender is in her presence. A girl with sufficient self-esteem rarely even needs to meet him within her personal space. In most cases, they exclude such candidates at the dating stage. Girls with an unstable self-image may find it very difficult to understand that something is wrong with their partner. This is especially true in cases where they shift the blame for all problems in the relationship onto their partner.
Typical girl — how to get to the bottom of a guy. black humor bad kings [voice] (re-voice)
- Periodic retreat and approach. This is a kind of candy and stick method, when the partner first humiliates the victim, plunging him into a sea of claims, complaints and demands. Then, as if nothing had happened, she appears with a kind smile and a charming expression and resumes communication again. This upsets the girl, and she begins to try even harder to please her lover so that he does not go into villain mode. With negative emotions, the distance may not be so bright. For example, a man suddenly disappears for several days and ignores his partner. The confused woman does not understand what happened, hangs up and cannot sleep at night. Then they start talking as usual, as if nothing happened. It is easy to imagine that after the grand return the woman becomes even more attached to him.
- This reduces self-esteem. Self-affirmation at the expense of a woman is one of the main signs of an abuser. Some of them do this openly and directly, talking about her shortcomings to their partners. But another type of attacker does this “in kind” and receives, so to speak, benefits.
- He perceives his opinion as the only truth. The manipulator likes to belittle and not acknowledge the ideas and views of his partner. He only listens to what he says, and becomes furious at the thought of having to behave differently than he does. And even if a girl says the right and true things, most often the offender appears and belittles her words.
- They can”t empathize. The manipulator has virtually no human emotions. His standard set is hatred, anger, resentment and envy. There is no place for compassion and experience. Of course, to exist in society, a person must play on empathy and express sympathy, but this seems very superficial and wrong. Thus, the manipulator cannot support his partner and cannot offer options and ways to solve the problems that befell him. Most often, he gets to the heart of the matter, simply paying off or uttering banal “calming” phrases.
- He demands. The manipulator is overly categorical towards himself and people. Any deviation from the norms he has invented or a contradiction with his views can result in a serious conflict. This person needs an ideal attitude towards himself and does not want to be listened to, offended, changed or respected. And this is quite normal, except for one of the “buts”. He himself never fulfills his demands and treats his partner much worse than she treats him.
These basic signs should alert you and give you pause.
Is it possible to change a manipulator and build happiness with him?
This is unlikely, and even if it were possible, it would be a very difficult and time consuming task. A person with more stable self-esteem can pacify the offender. For this reason, girls have to put a lot of effort into treating themselves. But does a confident woman need a partner who is universally dissatisfied and offended? Most likely not.
The only way out is not to tolerate it when a man blows his mind, but to leave, restore morale and seek professional help.
