What is love like and do men and women need relationships?
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A couple”s love relationship is what most of our contemporaries dream about. Successful career growth and home comfort are not enough for people. The soul wants successful intimate relationships, support, mutual understanding, and sometimes sympathy for loved ones. Unfortunately, not everyone manages to create harmonious long-term relationships. In many ways, the reason for this is that people simply do not know how to build relationships with the opposite sex, how to understand their partners and, first of all, how to understand themselves.
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Until recently, in Russia there was no such thing as a culture of national psychological health. In fact, it was strictly prohibited. However, for a genuine loving relationship, such “education” is less important than physical health.
What kind of love is there?
According to the results of numerous studies, we can roughly distinguish several types of relationships for couples, each of which has its own special nuances of relationships. So what is a romantic relationship?
- Romantic love.
The most common. Partners are closely related to each other and interdependent. The fear of losing each other greatly influences the behavior of partners.
- Friendly love.
The basis of friendly love is initially considered to be romantic love. However, here it is complemented by a high level of mutual respect. Neither partner can force the other to do anything different. All ongoing or planned activities are carefully discussed and analyzed. And both partners are together. Mutual understanding and willingness to give in to each other often contribute to the transition to stable family relationships.
- Charismatic relationships.
In such relationships, the one-sided affection of the partners is obvious. No, we are not saying that love is not mutual. It’s just that one of the partners is more attached to the other. He is always ready to give in and fulfill the whims and desires of his soul mate. Therefore, he intends to develop intimate relationships. This relationship is based on dependence, and unspoken rules must be followed at all times.
- Love without obligations.
In some ways, this is similar to a charismatic relationship. In this very modern relationship, one partner also feels great affection for the other. The other of the couple simply “allows” himself to love. Even if relationships of this type develop into family relationships, psychologists believe that infidelity in such marriages is inevitable.
- Submissive love.
In such relationships, one of the partners clearly uses the other and has a certain power over him. At the same time, each partner has his own goals. For example, one partner needs intimacy, while the other only needs submission, power and control.
- Love of convenience.
This is what they say about relationships in which there is no room for emotions at all. In most cases, the formation of such unions was preceded by specific reasons. These reasons in most cases are the fear of loneliness and the material interests of one of the partners. There is no love or spiritual intimacy here, but both partners are interested in the relationship.
Some people face situations where they cannot establish a loving relationship at all. It turns out that there are quite understandable reasons that can be roughly divided into three main problems
- Lack of personal integrity
- Incompatibility
- Lack of basic knowledge
In the first case, a person who is incapable of a love relationship needs to look for the reasons in himself. Only by having integrity, which is first and foremost in harmony with oneself, can a person relate to others. If a person is torn apart by many internal conflicts, then it is simply impossible to understand him from the outside.
The second problem is the incompatibility of partners, and quite rightly so. This may be a division between fundamentally opposing moral and spiritual values, different guidelines, a division of life values in intimate life, or incompatibility.
Regarding the third question, the lack of basic knowledge is much easier to correct than the previous two. It”s like a master”s tools. Without them, he cannot restore what is broken. Therefore, a person without his tools — knowledge — cannot improve the quality of his life. It follows from this.
If a person does not have the above “tools,” he simply cannot take his love seriously.
It is worth noting that the main criterion is the same compatibility in love relationships. Remember that the conversation is about love, not being in love, and that the shortcomings of partners simply go unnoticed, not realizing that they are compatible with the banality of “suffering for the sake of suffering.”
Such stories are either fairy tales or taken from another soap opera. This doesn”t happen in real life. It is impossible to understand adults, and even more so it is impossible to accept the shortcomings of your partner without experiencing mental discomfort.
Read also: Platonic love between a man and a woman: what is it?
Platonic love is the best maneuver in the relationship between a man and a woman. The concept itself comes from the ancient Greek philosopher Plato. He was the first one.
Needless to say, the skills to establish love relationships come with life experience. So many people think that after seeing a huge number of tearful milkies acquired with downright encyclopedic knowledge, they can become professors of heart disease.
In fact, all this is far from true, and the fascinating series “Mythical Love” is not at all like a real relationship. And it is very possible to become cynical and painfully disappointed if you build real connections and rely not on love, but on recommendations received from films.
For everything you need to know about painful relationships, read the article here.
The main rules of love
No matter what anyone says about the mutual love of couples for each other, all these are futile expectations. In fact, each person in a relationship should have personal space. Here we are not talking about square meters as such, but about social circle, interests, time spent alone with oneself and with other people.
The standard version of a love relationship assumes that the man has complete freedom of action, and the woman should live only in the interests of the home, husband and children (if any). Sooner or later, the emotional concentration of the spouse on such a narrow and limited circle of contacts leads to the opposite result. The woman begins to “bear the weight” of everything that surrounds her.
Feeling emotional discomfort, she, accordingly, begins to remove negativity towards others. In this case, these are the people closest to her. The result is constant bickering and scandals, and ultimately the end of love.
To prevent this, it is very important to maintain distance and leave your partner free personal space, social circle and circle of interests.
love addiction
Love is often crazy. Couples not only do not notice those around them, but they themselves know less about the people in the couple. First of all, we are talking about the shortcomings of our partners, which is not always the case. But love fades over time, and everyday life is hard. In this case, the relationship begins to resemble a scale.
One partner additionally concentrates on the second. He begins to “freely invade”, unable to withstand the pressure. Such attempts to avoid becoming overly attached to a partner may result in sarcastic behavior, withdrawal, or complete severance of the relationship.
Pavel Volya — about the crisis and how women and men relate to it (comedy club, 2016)
Joy and inner happiness certainly attract partners. And if, on the contrary, a person is initially perceived as patient, this over time begins to strain, lead to quarrels, and then to separation.
Take and give
This may seem surprising, but something similar can be said directly — in African tribes, which are not developed in terms of civilization, there is an ideal balance of relationships. This was once determined by the German philosopher Bert Hernger. Creating a psychotherapeutic method dedicated to family relationships, he went as a missionary to Central Africa to study family relationships among the Zulus.
Incredibly, it was these tribes who had an even distribution of the concepts of “take” and “give.” In other words, the partner must give as much as he does. In some cases it may go a little further. This makes the partner feel obligated and invest a little more into the relationship. Thus, the “reciprocal procedure” is repeated again and again.
Representatives of semi-wild African tribes, in contrast to the inhabitants of huge degrees, are well aware that if they give their partner more than he can give in return, this will inevitably lead to feelings of guilt. It is this feeling that absolutely becomes part of the couple. The only question is to be on time.
Change of mood
Preparing for a love relationship means complete openness to your partner, tenderness, trust and shared hopes. At the same time, it is impossible to do without fear, pain and vulnerability. True love, like the seasons, is changeable. In spring it blooms, blooms and gives new emotions. In summer, relationships are stable, vibrant and full of emotions.
In autumn, passion gradually fades, and you love as if you were falling asleep. In winter, lovers feel a certain distance from each other, and a coldness and detachment creep into the relationship.
The key to maintaining a loving relationship is to correctly recognize changes in the “mood of love” and not react, replacing love with “seasons.” This isn”t entirely simple, or, to be more precise, it”s downright difficult. The only thing that can be said for sure is that it”s indispensable—you need to be able to recognize and respond to it.
No hierarchy
Is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Here, it”s essential to understand that both partners are equal. A spouse isn”t obligated to love or forgive unconditionally (unlike a mother). Likewise, there”s no obligation to constantly anticipate all desires, to care for each other, or to resolve all emerging problems independently.
Very often, one partner tries to extract from the other feelings and emotions that they distrusted in childhood. This is a grave mistake that can completely destroy all the bright sides of love. For every good thing your partner does, you should express your appreciation.
Priorities and forgiveness
For a loving relationship to be long-lasting and mutually rewarding, you must be able to distinguish between these primary and secondary nuances. In many relationships, you need to learn to forgive and acknowledge. Of course, we”re not talking about these cases, where fundamentally important issues lie behind them. This way, you won”t be able to throw your “I” underfoot. We”re talking about trivial matters that don”t particularly matter, so arguing about them can do far more harm than good. Moreover, such strategies must be adopted by both partners, which is a prerequisite for an ideal loving relationship.
Therefore, in order to transform a loving relationship into a lasting family life, you must first change yourself. This means loving and forgiving in many ways. You must learn to compromise, to yield, and, most importantly, to be sensitive to your partner, to understand and respect them.
And it”s only a matter of time. When people truly care about each other, they usually endure the end of a romantic relationship very well, hold hands tightly, and enter a new era of stable love.
