Why did you feel bored in your relationship and what to do about it?
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There are many ways to ruin your life. One of the most effective is to not choose the wrong partner for a relationship (everyone makes mistakes). Perhaps tomorrow will be better, perhaps a wedding will change everything, perhaps a child will change everything, or at least a dog like a Chihuahua will change everything.
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But how does a marriage know it shouldn”t do this? There are several things that should make it clear that something is wrong. He doesn”t love her, she doesn”t love him, or the relationship has reached a dead end and become boring. We are talking about the latter.
What is boredom?
According to the Russian language dictionary, boredom is a feeling of despondency caused by the monotony of life. While it’s easy to imagine being bored alone, it’s very difficult to imagine being bored together. If each partner has an IQ higher than the temperature of the room, they should be able to find entertainment, even something as simple and obvious as free and cheerful conversation.
Whether in the early stages of a relationship or at its peak, partners need to strengthen themselves with their feelings for themselves, along with their intellect. Each other.
How to avoid getting bored in a relationship is less clear. The vision of a communal celebration where people admit to themselves directly and in front of others that they can no longer restrain themselves seems as attractive as the vision of digging up a fairly significant vegetable garden with a pitchfork. Such a relationship makes as much sense as crossing a chimpanzee and an amoeba.
Why not? If someone decides to get into a relationship with another person, it is because they are as interested in each other as they are in washing the dishes every now and then. In a relationship, no matter how many people have already died together, it is very important to attract each other regularly.
Naturally, over time, partners begin to get to know each other. Over time, the man already knows how poorly his girlfriend sings, and the girl knows how loudly he snores. However, this should not be the end of the relationship. On the contrary, it can be seen as a starting point. And if at this stage he is tired of the relationship, then we cannot talk about a future together.
Relationships don”t have to stand still
There”s a good quote from Robert Wencekiewicz that talks about getting into a new relationship.
“This is nonsense. Because every next union is the same. Why go through the same thing again? Again these dancers mate. And again crises, mass murders. I do not believe that all relationships are ideal. If we ourselves do not know everything about ourselves, then how can we know anything about others? I want to meet a woman with whom I can be together. This is a path not designed for five, ten or fifteen years. I want to look back at it, like a mirror, then study him, I want to know myself.
I want to make my relationship with her as complete as possible and extract as much knowledge about myself from her as possible. If I cheat on my wife, I will not be able to achieve this because I will repeat the same experience and reach the same point. It”s interesting that this conflict works both ways because I feel like the deeper I penetrate into someone, the deeper I penetrate into myself.”
This is wonderful. Tiring, but at the same time very exciting. And how real. This is about curiosity, emotional and spiritual need. And if your partner is no longer curious, you are not only deceiving him, but also yourself when you are with him. Because he thinks it will change, or because he is obsessively stubborn and constantly tells himself that this is normal or how it should be.
Read also: How to become wiser in a relationship with a man: simple steps
There are two people, they develop mutual sympathy, and at some point they decide that they want to be a couple, they want to build as long and strong as possible.
And because he can make him believe that everything is fine, that he is the right person, that he is authentic. And this should already be called a waste of time — yours and others”. And the result: lack of respect. As in relationships with yourself, so in relationships with others.
Mona Lisa with curlers in her hair
The second type of curiosity, which is more worldly, is physical curiosity. Of course, living together, people get to know each other from different sides. They learn to hear, see and feel all of physiology, from what their partner looks like with greasy hair and a chubby belly, to how going to the toilet sounds too loud and ends in diarrhea or uncontrollable vomiting.
And that”s okay. None of us are jelly or rainbow creatures. But it”s still worth getting in shape. It”s not that you can wear perfect makeup 24 hours a day, be polite like an English courtier, move gracefully around the house and carry a book on your head, but you need to maintain a certain regularity. Style.
Boredom in relationships. what to do?
Therefore, mutual physical curiosity is also worth cultivating. It”s not about turning off the lights and making sure there”s no cellulite visible; it”s about taking care of your body so you can be attractive, even if you”ve been with the same partner for 30 years or more. And it’s stupid to say that appearance is not important.
If a person is happy in a relationship, he will work hard for his partner. If you start with yourself, then it’s unlikely that even an affectionate person will want to have sex. And this is a direct path to loss of interest, and that is why one day you may hear the phrase “I”m tired of the relationship” from your partner. Maintaining interest in yourself is especially important after several years.
Nobody wants to eat French fries the last few years, but with fries and veggies today, chicken tomorrow and good gravy the day after tomorrow, it”s a different story. Even in relationships. But what if you lose interest?
Went. In any direction
How was the first date? This is crazy. Entire cabinets are turned upside down and locations are carefully chosen. It”s beautiful and interesting. And glory to those who, despite many years of experience, sometimes allow madness. But there are plenty of people who organize their own excursions along the sofa-fridge route. The only people I would go anywhere with are dentists. It is clear that time is short, and finances may no longer be the same.
But. these are all just excuses. To have a picnic even outside the city, you don’t have to have $100, 000 available in your account for a week. You don”t need to take a vacation or a loan to go to the cinema and watch a new interesting film instead of re-watching Friends for the hundredth time.
And after the initial stages of falling in love, spending a weekend in Paris sitting on your laurels, a mother”s weekend, lace corsets, green face masks and curlers can be very uncomfortable. Apart from bills for gas, electricity and water, nothing obliges partners. The only conversations they have are about some shopping or “what to cook for dinner.” Of course, after many years of relationship, you shouldn’t drive like a Mercedes S-Class at a red light, but you shouldn’t be dragged behind it like an old cart.
Yes, relationships can be compared to cars. Because for normal functioning, both require fuel. And if you push and push it and it still doesn”t move, who knows — maybe the whole mechanism is broken? Or is it just the driver who is disappointed?
It is important to remember that boredom does not come from outer space, but appears in a well-coordinated relationship — the partner is always responsible for it. And if not both, then at least one side.
