Why do people settle for frivolous and fleeting relationships?
A girl who does not want a serious relationship is the real dream of those who are not interested in family, marriage, children, mortgages or death. You can drink a cup of tea after the club or call Abyss somewhere in Altai for six months. She understands, accepts and forgives. But only if they don”t want to be obliged by the other side, for some reason drama unfolds.
Contents of the article:
Maxim magazine editor Maria Mikulina wrote an entire column about the pain and problems of women who are tired of collecting socks around the house, having an unequal struggle for at least some kind of career and dividing mortgage payments. So aren”t “free couples” always fun?
Tired of love
What do men expect from living together? If they believe what they write on forums and in social networking groups, the result is a kind of hybrid of a personal psychologist, a good housewife and a housewife. Ideally, she should also work in a coffee shop or similar establishment, but not as a barista. She must be able to cook, be tasty, varied and know 10-12, 000 people a month. And so that you won’t be ashamed to show your figure, clothes, taste, sexy, not vulgar to your friends. And mom didn’t swear, and the list goes on and on. Moreover, love collapses when at least some details fall out of the subtle picture of the world. Women want almost the same thing, only in reverse: they want
- Stability. There is no mess on Viber. The Instagram light I posted about last night is probably discussing gym workouts. We know these simulators. Instead, the previous simulators were copied from neighbors on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
- Material wealth. It’s good to meet a barista at 20 years old — all you need is to go to a neighboring city for a concert. But when you are already close to 30, but you have already started a family and want to show yourself as a mama”s boy, it is better to allow yourself to work with a boring banker. Well, the manager will do it too.
- Family and children. Yes, an official wedding with a “painting”, flowers, witnesses and parents is one of the first guaranteed points. It is believed that stability occurs if he spends a joint loan on a celebration and falls on the first mortgage costs.
Why not everyone wants stability
Outside friends and girlfriends cannot be compared with life. We can fly around the countryside and think about our children. And we are not young. In fact, this is far from ideal for everyone, and not at all the best option if the goal is some other achievement. Who is bothered by the classic theme of having a relationship:
- Serious workers and students. Yes, good careers don”t grow on trees and aren”t tied to degrees. Many people have to work hard to get decent company. Moreover, half at work, half while traveling. And on weekends it’s a corporate “something”, not a vacation with loved ones.
- Studying can also be a problem. Because not everyone grabs the stars from the sky and at the same time is born with a golden spoon in their mouth. Many are forced to combine study with work, and they do not have time for complete “love content”.
- Loneliness is common to everyone. These include. The star-studded story of femme fatales getting pregnant on rural railway platforms is unnecessary. Perhaps she just doesn”t need anyone around. Yes, it”s infuriating and annoying. Sometimes she goes to bars and meets someone for sex, but the rest of the time she doesn”t need her shoulder, hand, or anything else. Plus, no need for attachment issues!
When exactly such a girl gets in the way, a “breakdown” occurs. After all, it seems to be a traditional man”s business to chase sex without leaving contact information. However, adults need to accept this and not everyone wants to kiss under the moon.
Some vague drama
They might just show up at the wrong time. A long-term relationship has ended, from which only unpleasant memories and reluctance to have emotional intimacy with another person remain. But they still want sex, and then a “friend with benefits” appears. The drama unfolds, but for the sake of self-affirmation, several such friends begin, and they all come together at the wrong time. There can be three situations here:
- The couple is found for sex and there are no problems on both sides.
- Everything that happens between people is a deceptive perception and fiction. She needs a “duty” so that he doesn’t mind, but some emotional problems are getting in the way.
- Only one side believes that this is all just entertainment. The other wants to develop and suffers.
In the first case, you can only be happy. They find each other, spend time together, improve their health and replace boring cardio workouts in the gym with more interesting activities. Well done guys. But in practice this happens very rarely.
Both are mistaken
Due to the fact that adults are transported only with passports, it is simply difficult — there is no permanent job, there is one, but the salary can only buy beer and trash boys. A person does not have money for real hobbies. She”s shy. Because they are usually interested in normal girls. However, they are after Instagram beauties. Overall, neither of them are social ideals, but as long as they are sexually motivated, so be it.
Read also: Why do people cheat and how to survive betrayal? rebellion is forbidden fruit and a terrible sin. According to biblical legend, vice entered our lives when Adam and Eve, who lived in the Garden of Eden, failed.
By the way, such “non-relationships” are the strongest. People can deny each other for quite a long time until something happens that radically changes the situation. Somehow the situation should change? If a person has generally low self-esteem, then yes. Her problems can affect not only this area of her life, but also all others. In any case, living in the “I’m fine as is” format is not at all pleasant.
A real addiction
Yes, some people are forced into sexual slavery and enjoy it at the expense of others. Moreover, she may not question her status at all. How to determine what exactly the connection is? It”s very simple: he is not a slave.
- He writes that he doesn’t keep his promises when he wants to, and he doesn’t care what happens in her life.
- She sincerely believes that she has a man, and refuses to communicate with other men at the most “difficult” stage — sitting at home, like a patriarchal bride, waiting.
- The meeting goes smoothly. I was going for sex, as people call it. Everything else is overboard. Even the May Day shish kebab will be able to do what it came for while there is no one else in the country.
- How about supporting Fire of Addiction? Techniques can be very different: from direct submission, trying to make someone fall in love with you, to spreading false hopes. Yes, he really wants to be with her in a restaurant, but he doesn’t have money yet. And he only dreams of traveling together, but they don’t give holidays.
Sooner or later, a busy, no-nonsense guy enjoys parties with friends and other women and discovers he”s “not working on his career” or is preoccupied with family matters. Over time, such relationships disintegrate on their own. As soon as the woman realizes she”s being deceived and understands her true needs.
The most severe case
We”re talking about situations involving third parties. On one side, there”s a sexual affair, on the other, the deceived spouse or spouses. It can be a whole theater of lies. Many people truly believe it”s normal to be married to one person and indulge fantasies about meeting another. Entire layers of proverbs and sayings have even emerged on this topic. The truth is always less obvious. On one side, there”s the manipulator(s), on the other, the victims. If the latter is single and unattached, that”s very bad. Then the illusion is created that someone is like that, and everything is covered up by a poor relationship. Yes, in addition to “building love,” when a single person is busy with something, this can be a fairly painless option. If everything is going well in other areas of life—work, profession, studies, friends, parents, relatives—that”s wonderful. It”s a different matter if the “lover”s circle” has already closed—that”s good. A moralistic friend has turned away, but her career simply isn”t working out, especially since her parents have nothing to say themselves, so her career won”t work out. Such a girl without a serious relationship is a deeply unhappy person, living in a fantasy world.
So is there any point in “having fun”?
And again, there”s no clear answer. One person is truly passionate only about physics, cartoons, friends, and cats. Another disguises herself as all these people to pursue physics and anime. A third is simply trying to prove to herself what she”s capable of after a divorce. A fourth tried a “recreational relationship” and fell in love. Every woman is an individual. And men are too. They can only answer uncomfortable questions about meaning in private. Those who have trust issues but still want to be part of a couple will suffer from such “fun,” especially if their partner isn”t smart enough to hide other relationships. Some people genuinely consider themselves modern and want modern, casual relationships. However, in reality, they constantly check their phones, expecting calls, messages, and even the ill-fated VKontakte sticker.
Disadvantages of frivolous relationships for guys
It is just a “public opinion” that a man who has many victories on the sexual front is a very loved and happy person for everyone. Having received real nourishment, Kasanoff turns into a boring guy who, thanks to acquaintances without serious relationships, still clings to youth and brightness, but gets nothing from it. It”s good if at least some of his wives are waiting at home, otherwise you will have to become an avid cactus owner and talk to them.
In fact, such “heroism” has many side effects.
- Not all girls are sweet, sensitive creatures who run away crying and have to say, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” The skirts are true hybrids of Vandamma and Dr. House. They will find you and ruin you for your most valuable possessions. Yes, it’s not home life that needs this boring project, but career, business, reputation. The girls also have enough connections for “wolf tickets” and inexplicable dismissals of middle managers with specific tax audits of microorganisms.
- There are children from sex. And this not only “deprives you and yourself of money,” but can also lead to physical injury if the girl suddenly turns out to be from a traditional family. But we joke, it usually comes down to serious financial costs and emotional problems.
- In old age, there is a big risk of being left alone with you or identifying a young woman who is only waiting for the apartment to be vacated.
- Even if the “army” is no longer ready, there is a feeling of constant searching, emptiness, a desire not to leave someone in the slightest. The saddest characters are the ex-girlfriends who have low social responsibility and who plundered Dontshan.
Pros and cons for girls
However, for women, frivolous relationships can become an emotional springboard. Heroine: “Eat. Pray. Love” follows a divorced bachelorette as she finds a man who, with a discreet romance, undoes all the damage caused by divorce. However, women depend on social acceptance and it is important to be friendly. The disadvantages are almost the same as for men. If you have a lot to do in the entertainment industry, you don”t need this, there is a risk of being left alone. And the wife’s sobs at the doorstep do not contribute to emotional peace.
Everything is relative, some people like such entertainment, others only bring pain and problems. Before starting anything with another person, you need to understand yourself and make sure that your desires do not differ from your capabilities.
