How ego states influence the choice of a sexual partner
The reasons why men and women do not meet in terms of romantic long-term relationships largely fall into physiological, psychological, sexual and personality factors. However, today we want to draw your attention to no less important nuances studied by American psychologists and psychiatrists in the mid-20th century.
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More specifically, today we are talking about an imbalance of ego states shared between parents, adults and children.
Commonly known ego states
Eric Berne was an American psychologist and psychiatrist who spent his life studying interpersonal interactions, stereotypical manipulative behavior patterns, and long-term life planning. It is he who is the creator of the theory of the ego state, which has a great influence on the everyday, romantic and sexual elements of every person’s life.
Thus, as mentioned earlier, ego states are divided into three types.
- First ego state: Parent (P)
– These are complex sets of feelings, emotions, thoughts and behavioral criteria that are paid attention to from a very early age (from the age of awareness) and during the observation of parents and other parental relatives present during upbringing.
Our parents instilled in us established beliefs, outlooks on life, patterns of behavior and the ability to achieve goals that they experienced first-hand in the past. Thus, in the future, the first self is created, denoted by (p).
- Second ego state: Adult (B)
— This is the meaning and perception of human behavior on an emotional level. Given that this ego state, designated as (b) in the future, can also be characterized, from a psychological point of view, as an internal personal computer working on mechanisms and technological processes.
Our (c) is independent and does not depend on the emotions or sensations experienced in a particular period. It helps us analyze problems, cope with difficult tasks and make certain decisions after most of the emotions have been experienced either by the inner child or the inner parent.
- Third ego state: Child or Child (D)
“This is the inner part of a person, which is still in childhood.
It is thanks to the inner child, later designated as (e), that we experience feelings, emotions and sensations through the prism of selfishness, capriciousness and corruption.
And only thanks to the coordinated work of adults, parents and children who have achieved maturity, awareness and stability.
Inner Parent: it has no place in sex
Considering the fact that our inner (p)being consists of subjective opinions and concepts instilled in us by our fathers and mothers, many judgments and knowledge are considered outdated and unsuitable for modern life.
Of course, within each of us, from an early age we observe the relationships of our parents, who store information about sexuality in direct or indirect parting words. Intimate components of communication.
Read also: What number of sexual partners is considered normal?
Few people in the modern world pay attention to the number of sexual partners in the second half of their life. However, there is a group of people who are.
Therefore, the father”s response strategy to sexual activity is classified as the probable person”s parental ego state, and the mother”s parental state is classified as the maternal ego state. However, this is not an acceptable or positive factor influencing the choice to procrastinate, since active presence in such personal events does not allow a person to build and strengthen his own opinions on such deep topics as sex.
Inner Child: Harmony in Sex
Comparing internal (e) with internal (p), we can confidently say that the inner child of every person has extensive information about sexual relations between men and women.
It is the inner child who initiates the search for a partner, the beginning of a relationship and its strengthening. （ (e) is responsible for spontaneity, honesty, happiness, frankness and, of course, the spontaneity of intimate expressions with those who have attracted our attention.
Considering how internal (e) develops is the mood in which the sexual element of your relationship with your partner develops. How to develop a part of your own thinking in children? Everything is very simple — the only important thing is that his needs and desires are satisfied on time.
Inner Adult and Sex
Choosing a partner: why is everything so difficult? // lecture “everything is like animals”
(c) It differs from children and parents in that it remembers sexual literacy. And this is an important academic resource that must not be forgotten to avoid various physiological and psychological traumas.
This must be learned. The internal (c) needs to constantly replenish its theoretical and practical knowledge, since the lack of objective skills and abilities is compensated for either by the parent”s internalized gestalt or by the child”s illusions, mistakes, and phobias.
What is the primary role of (c) in choosing sexual partners?
The answer is quite simple—its responsibilities include creating the safest and most comfortable conditions for the formation and strengthening of suitable and fulfilling relationships in the future, built on trust, love, and honesty. The Primacy of the Inner Parent: What to Do
Primacy of the Inner Parent: What to Do
First: if you are looking for a long-term partner, work with the list of beliefs emanating from (P) and analyze them from your inner (B), eliminating the unacceptable, infantile, and asexual.
- Psychologists report that clients who want to resolve their inner parents, children, and adults, often discover that such trivial things are included in the list of essential qualities of their future partner. Joy and love to the limit.
Subsequently, examining the list through the lens of the inner (c) eliminates secondary and silly “traits” that have no solid and meaningful basis.
Second: if you are already in a relationship with someone who attracts exclusively your inner (P), try to establish a subtle and sensual psychological connection with your lover. Discuss topics that interest you and share your impressions, preferences, and desires. Don”t hide what”s important and meaningful. Considering personal therapy should be based on trust, mutual understanding, and honesty—both you and your partner should not be afraid of accusations and psychological evaluation, because the truth of feelings and emotional expression allows for the establishment of a quality called “mindfulness” and “spontaneity” in relationships.
- Thus, mindfulness takes into account internal experience and feelings, while spontaneity emphasizes special attention to external stimuli and the environment as a whole.
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Ego states influence the choice of a sexual partner
