My wife cheated on me because she was drunk — should I forgive her?
Life is unpredictable, and anything can happen, even the most unpleasant things. Cheating on your partner is one of these very unpleasant events. The question arises: what to do next? If she was drunk, is this an aggravating circumstance or, on the contrary, does it justify her situation?
Contents of the article:
It is difficult to give a definite answer here, since everything is very individual. How exactly do you feel about cheating in general, about alcohol, and what exactly is cheating for you? Therefore, it is useless to try to sort this situation into pieces. There is no objectivity here.
However, here is what people say on the Quora forum (the English equivalent of the question and answer service, the more civilized Reddit) who had a similar experience. Perhaps this will help you make a decision.
Is it worth forgiving drunken betrayal: people’s opinions
- “Only if you want to be deceived again. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior in a similar situation. A person lets other people know how to treat him through his reaction to certain actions. That is, if you forgive cheating once, regardless of the circumstances, they will cheat on you again,” Heather Caskey Wilcoson
- “You must forgive no matter the person’s condition. You must also break up with him regardless of the person”s condition. Your girlfriend deliberately got so drunk that she couldn”t control herself. Is this the kind of man you want for your wife?” ‒ Baelana McKay
- “Cheaters do not have the right to forgiveness, even if they were very drunk and claimed that they did not remember it. If they get so drunk that they don”t remember what they did, then they need to stop drinking. Alcohol simply lowers inhibitions; it does not force a person to do something that he would not do when sober. So if someone cheats while drunk, they thought about it when they were sober,” Ruby Villavicencio, intensive care nurse
- “No. I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on. Alcohol is a bullshit excuse. Some people won”t cheat sober, so they drink to gain the courage to do what they really want to do.” — Ian Godwin, political scientist
- “Nope. There is no excuse even for being drunk. People are responsible for their actions. Responsibility for drunkenness and consequences” ‒ Jeffrey Magnit, photographer
- “No. Alcohol weakens inhibitions, but it does not force a person to do something that he is not already capable of doing. A cheater is a cheater,” ‒ Christine
- “When people get drunk, all inhibitions disappear. This means that whatever they do while drunk is who they really are, there are no restrictions. This means that the person is not cheating because he doesn”t want to or because he loves you. He doesn”t cheat because his inhibitions don”t allow them to cheat. Alcohol is not an excuse for me,” Juan Espinosa.
- “As adults, we have to answer right from wrong at any given time. Usually people don”t put themselves in such a predicament that would allow them to change. Drunk or not. So, I will answer this as if I was the one who was cheated on, and the answer is: cheating under any circumstances is an unforgivable act.” — “Old Gal”, architect-designer
- “I wouldn”t treat it any differently whether my partner was drunk or not (provided they weren”t so drunk they were incapacitated, if they were that drunk they were raped and they weren”t cheating).
Read also: My husband”s mistress is pregnant — should I forgive him?
If you didn’t even know about your spouse’s infidelity, and soon found out about your rival’s infidelity and pregnancy, such consequences can come as a real shock to you.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and prevents you from doing things you wouldn”t normally want to do. Even if it was only one time, she was sincerely sorry and took proactive steps to ensure it didn”t happen again. I”d rather forgive her.
- “This happened to me. I got pregnant, and seven months into the relationship, he cheated on me. He went to the beach and got wet, word for word, and now he”s fucking a girl in the parking lot of an apartment building. I found out two months later because we had sex and I got an STD. I forgave him immediately, for the sake of our daughter.
How to forgive betrayal. Is it worth getting a divorce after cheating “drunk.”
He cheated because he wanted to, not because he was drunk, but this is unacceptable. I don”t mind him being drunk at all. Not that he cared before he got drunk. Yes. Yes, I forgave him. If you don”t have anything that will keep you in a relationship with your partner, stay away.” — Sheila Monarch.
- “No. While it is true that alcohol weakens inhibitions, it does not create ideas in a person”s head that were not there in the first place, but simply strengthens what is already there. She won”t cheat drunk if she wouldn”t cheat sober.
And if she says her friends made fun of her, well, if we”re talking about adults, I hope they”re not in high school anymore. Adults who use the “peer pressure” card when they are caught doing something they personally shouldn”t do are seen as weak-willed and easily manipulated, and therefore attract more contempt than sympathy.
As you can see, users are very categorical. However, the final decision is yours. Rely more on your relationship with alcohol and less on your overall misbehavior. Alcohol doesn”t play a big role here. If the betrayal hurts you, if you perceive it as a betrayal, you”re probably better off walking away, because even if it doesn”t change you, the hurt will damage your relationship and ultimately lead to a breakup.
If cheating is not that important to you, there are more important things for you (for example, that she cares about your children, that she is your faithful companion in everything, and who she shares the bed with is secondary), well. Happens to everyone, and everyone has the right to make mistakes.
