7 sneaky ways anxiety ruins your sex life
Regular sex is a great way to improve your mood in any situation. But it is precisely this pleasure that chronic anxiety can deprive a person of when he needs it most.
Contents of the article:
Sex expert and Columbia University psychology professor Dr. Laurel Steinberg emphasizes that even small but persistent worries can seriously affect the sex lives of both men and women. Feelings of anxiety may come and go, but if you are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, your ability to enjoy sex is compromised.
Today, millions of people in all countries live in a constant state of anxiety that permeates every moment of their lives. Among such people there are almost twice as many women as men.
Fear (often irrational) and impending panic make sex as well as normal daily activities difficult.
How anxiety ruins your sex life
Most problems caused by anxiety in the bedroom can be effectively addressed with the help of a therapist or psychologist. However, in order to seek help in time, you need to understand the seriousness of the problem.
- Negative body image can ruin the moment
Anxiety causes many negative emotions. It tires the nervous system, dulls the senses and makes it impossible to perceive pleasure and enjoy life.
Sex should be fun, enjoyable and stress-relieving. However, constant worry spoils the fun. The negative consequences are especially strong if the anxiety is associated with body image rejection. In such situations, the very need to undress in front of your partner is the biggest source of anxiety.
Dealing with such uncertainty can be difficult, but giving up is not an option. You need to find the strength to fix the things you can fix and the wisdom to accept the things you can”t fix. Psychologists and psychotherapists can provide excellent support in this difficult struggle.
- Anxiety distracts you from what is happening
Worry grabs your full attention and prevents you from thinking about anything else. It”s not just about sex.
During an anxiety attack, food loses its taste, and books, movies, and music rush through your mind. Anxiety reduces academic performance in students and the productivity of those already employed. Severe anxiety can even lead to traffic accidents, whether as pedestrians or drivers.
- Anxiety interferes with arousal.
Anxiety reduces sexual desire in several ways. Unpleasant thoughts associated with worry, bad mood, and fear take over the brain, leaving no resources for arousal.
Anxiety and impending panic attacks can also have a purely physical effect. In this state, the body produces stress hormones (e. g., adrenaline, cortisol) instead of focusing on well-being hormones. These hormones prevent you from relaxing, distracting yourself from problems, or switching to something enjoyable. At the same time, they make it very difficult, and often completely impossible, to enjoy sex.
Dr. Steinberg points out another indirect problem. To alleviate chronic anxiety, many people begin taking anti-anxiety medications on their own, without consulting a doctor. Many of these have an unpleasant side effect: suppressed libido. All “recreational” psychostimulants, which are very common among today”s youth, behave in the same way.
Read also: 7 Ways to Become More Confident in Your Sex Life and Not Be Shy
Lack of self-confidence, excessive fussiness about your body and skills, embarrassment, and the fear of making a mistake—all of this affects not only self-esteem, but also.
To avoid getting caught in a vicious cycle (reducing anxiety with medication suppresses libido, and decreased libido increases anxiety), use medications only as prescribed by a doctor.
- Anxiety interferes with orgasm.
Besides purely emotional unrest, there are also physical symptoms. These include desperately tense muscles, rapid but shallow breathing, dry mouth, and cold hands and feet. All of these can significantly interfere with achieving orgasm.
For women, anxiety is another major obstacle to sexual pleasure. Blood loss reduces the natural secretions that act as lubricant during sex. If anxiety is severe, the mucous membranes can become completely dry. Even with generous use of lubricants, sex can be painful.
- I can”t talk about your sexual needs.
Informing your partner about your sexual needs and fantasies is not easy, even for those who do not experience anxiety. Educational characteristics have an impact.
If a person suffers from anxiety, the problem is magnified many times over. And although honest conversations and in-depth conversations can greatly improve their sex life, they still avoid talking about needs. Even if partners are connected in every way with this topic, it is impossible to force them to talk about it.
Alarm points
- If the mind is occupied with fear, it cannot be present in the present moment.
A person gripped by fear and panic cannot be emotionally intimate with his partner, be it a woman or a man, even for one minute of the closest physical intimacy. If the anxiety is related to past trauma, sexual activity not only increases fear, but can also cause discomfort to the point of complete rejection of gender. This is a serious disorder that requires professional help.
Too much panic can turn off both sexual desire and the ability to enjoy the root zone of touch. Instead of pleasure, these touches cause almost painful sensations. Protecting themselves from unpleasant experiences and sensations, people unconsciously avoid sex in every possible way and even push their partners away. This is fraught with a breakdown in relationships.
- Fear Makes You Avoid Sex
Getting naked and completely naked in front of another person is always a very exciting experience. However, no body is perfect. Every body has all sorts of flaws. This leads to self-blame and anxiety.
In the absence of anxiety disorders, the anticipation of sexual pleasure makes you forget about such trifles as existing defects in appearance. In the end, when it comes to sex, none of this matters in the slightest — the choice is made, the partner”s mind has won, and now the lovers merge into a single body, trembling with pleasure.
An anxiety disorder ruins everything. It does not allow you to distract yourself from fears and uncertainty, it makes you even more puzzled by real and imaginary shortcomings, obsessing over them, thinking and talking only about them. Dr. Steinberg says women are much more likely to feel self-conscious and insecure about their body shape than men.
Many people worry about the shape of the breasts (this is an eternal problem area), stretch marks and lack of firmness in the arm muscles. Some feel self-conscious due to natural body odor and lack of graceful movements.
Another feature of the female body — the natural sounds that the vagina sometimes makes — is also a major source of anxiety for many representatives of the fair sex.
In many women, the vagina can make very loud characteristic sounds not only during sex, but also during vigorous movements. These sounds are typical for people with an intense sex life and for women who have given birth.
Dr. Steinberg points out that if women self-criticize, they deprive themselves of the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure.
