How to Have More Sex to Keep Your Sex Life Healthy in Your Marriage
Remember when you and your husband were newlyweds: it seemed like you were having sex every night and sometimes every morning, right? If you were like most newlyweds, your first year of marriage was filled with a lot of horizontal activity as you both rushed through the evening so you could get naked and continue to get to know each other.
But all of this changes as your marriage progresses; this is the natural order of things. Few couples maintain the same speed and frequency of lovemaking after the first year.
In this article
- Time limits
- Fatigue
- Resentment towards your partner
- Sex has become a routine
- Plan sex
- Don”t let fatigue be an excuse to avoid intimacy.
- Resolve conflicts before sex
- Play role-playing games, read erotic literature
But if your sexual performance drops too much, it”s time to sound the alarm. That”s right, a research paper from the sociology department of Georgia State University in the US suggests that 20% of married couples have sex less than 10 times a year, and 15% of married couples have not had sex in the past six months. What factors contribute to such low levels of sexual intimacy?
1. Time limits
As your marriage progresses, other aspects of your life change. Two working parents, kids to attend to in the evenings (not to mention their bedtime rituals, which can often take longer than expected), laundry, general cleaning, getting ready for the next day. all of these things can easily take precedence over lovemaking. A couple may be tempted to put off intimacy until the weekend, and then the weekend comes and other things seem to fill that time. Suddenly a couple of months go by before you realize you haven”t had much-needed adult time.
2. Fatigue
When you reach the end of a day filled with responsibilities to other people, you may be exhausted. Adding a hot session between the sheets to that level of fatigue may seem like too much. It”s better to roll into bed and fall asleep immediately than to do a horizontal boogie.
3. Resentment towards your partner
It”s hard to feel warm and sexy with your partner if you”re mad at him because he forgot to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home from the office again.
4. Sex has become a chore
You and your spouse know exactly how to please each other, so why drag out foreplay or deviate from the time-tested formula for giving each other a quick orgasm? But over time, this routine begins to get boring. You”d rather spend that time sleeping than doing the same old, same old.
Let”s look at some ways to combat the above factors that affect your sexual frequency so you can rekindle that old spark.
1. Plan sex
Yes, it sounds cold, but couples who feel overwhelmed by the many activities that fill their evenings swear by it. “We chose Tuesday and Saturday nights,” says Samantha, 41, a mother of three. “It really was a last resort, but it finally got to the point where if we didn”t dedicate two separate nights a week to physical intimacy, we would have separated and our marriage would have been in jeopardy.”If you find that you and your spouse continue to put off intercourse because something else seems to be a priority, buckle up and put sex on the calendar. At least two nights a week. And honor that obligation as if it were a work obligation.
2. Don”t let fatigue be an excuse to avoid intimacy.
When you”re tired, it seems to make sense to prioritize sleep over lovemaking. But just like the saying, “Hunger will awaken when it sees a fine meal spread out before you,” your sexual desire will be triggered as soon as you and your partner start kissing under the covers. You”ll find that all thoughts of sleep will be pushed aside as you raise each other”s sexual temperature. And an orgasm will definitely help you sleep soundly and peacefully, so just think about this benefit when you”re tempted to tell your spouse, “Not today, honey. I”m exhausted.”
3. Resolve conflicts before sex
One of the biggest factors in a declining sex life is unexpressed anger toward your partner. It”s truly a challenge to want to be physically intimate with someone who has disappointed you. It”s helpful to remember the old adage, “Never go to bed angry.” If you”re having problems with your spouse, take the time to express your thoughts before you head to the bedroom. A good, open conversation in which you tell them what”s keeping you from making love can go a long way toward restoring a good, healthy sex life. Don”t hesitate to seek help from a couples counselor if the problem is more serious than you think you can solve on your own. Remember: without good communication, there can be no good sex, so this is an important obstacle to address if it”s one of the things preventing you from having frequent sex.
4. Role-play, read erotic literature
It happens. Married couples who have been together for a while may tend to do things that have always helped each other reach orgasm. The problem with this pattern is that it can get boring, and boredom can be a turn-off, preventing you from feeling sexy. However, there are many ways to overcome boredom in the bedroom. Are you stuck in the missionary position when you have sex? Search online and find new sex positions to try. You may find ones that offer more stimulation, which will motivate you to have sex. What about introducing sex toys into your everyday bedroom routine? How about some sexual roleplay where you could act out an erotic fantasy, like being a French maid or a masseur? Reading sexy books to each other, like 50 Shades of Grey, can really spice things up. Read a chapter a night and see how eager you are to get into the bedroom to hear what happens next!
