How to overcome the fear of sex?
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The intense anticipation and some fear of first sexual encounter is common among both boys and girls. This is completely normal, but fear of sex isn”t always limited to adolescence. In adulthood, this fear becomes more severe, often completely preventing sexual intercourse.
Contents of the article:
The sexual revolution, which has thundered across the world, seems to have accustomed everyone to the necessity of sex and the incredible sensations it can provide. Some people are so afraid of it that they don”t even allow themselves to consider the possibility of intimacy. Medicine and psychology unanimously declare that a lack of awareness of sex and fear of it are not inherent to human nature and can rightfully be considered a painful phenomenon.
However, this type of morbid fear occurs in almost 15% of people on the planet. And this only includes those who have reported their fears to health officials. How many people suffer from phobias and remain “in the shadows”? This is unknown to everyone, as is the true number of people who are afraid of sex.
Why does sex phobia occur?
Genophobia (the official name for the fear of sex) is characteristic not only of women (as numerous jokes on the topic remind us), but also of men. The main cause of this fear is psychological. In this case, a person not only avoids sexual contact itself but also any mention of it, such as conversations about sex or erotic lingerie on store shelves. All psychologists clearly point out the specific differences between male and female fears, so it”s not surprising that the symptoms and manifestations also differ.
Fears of Lovely Ladies
Fears of lovely ladies
Having become accustomed to this idea, girls begin to fear sexual contacts long before they meet their first partner. Thus, as the first intimate moment approaches, she becomes psychologically very tense and cannot relax. This is what sexual anxiety is all about. The vaginal muscles, constrained by tension, do not want to allow the partner’s penis to enter them. Psychological stress interferes with the natural secretion of lubrication — all this taken together causes the girl to experience severe pain instead of pleasure.
In some cases, the pain is so severe that it does not allow the girl to continue existing relationships or enter into new ones. Here, a strong correlation was established between unpleasant feelings from the first sexual experience and future relationships with men. However, an unsuccessful first sexual intercourse is not the only reason that can lead to a person being afraid of sex.
Main reasons
Main causes
Experienced unpleasant scenes related to sex in childhood or adolescence;
- The unconscious connection of sex with shameful and dirty behavior (often this connection is formed by overly pious parents);
- Fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases;
- Fear of unwanted pregnancy;
- Childhood turmoil associated with one of the parents of the opposite sex. For example, the father or mother leaving the family; cruelty or beatings (most often from the father).
- Pain during intercourse.
- In the latter case, the likelihood of disease of the genital organs and reproductive system (inflammatory process or infection) is very high. In this regard, you should never put off visiting a gynecologist or urologist.
Women”s fears
Women”s fears
However, in them, as in the emergence of other phobias, the subconscious is to blame, and the psychological trauma experienced is to one degree or another connected with sex. In some cases, inexperienced girls may avoid intimacy simply because they tend to be afraid of the unknown. Such fears disappear soon after the young “coward” first falls into the hands of an experienced and qualified partner.
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If fear of stress accompanies a woman in adulthood, it is considered abnormal, indicating the presence in her subconscious of a person with a negative attitude and assuring her that sexual life is humiliating and shameful and will only bring pain. Such formulations may be caused by a number of circumstances. Of course, the moment of loss of virginity occupies the palm here, especially if it is accompanied by painful sensations. Such bad experiences can forever cement the association between the words “sex” and “pain” and are what lead to fear of sex.
The same applies to the negative impact on attitudes towards sex and rape. The most severe humiliating stresses are remembered for a long time, and such psychological trauma can accompany a woman throughout her life. Only an experienced psychologist can save women from the most serious consequences of rape. Even with exceptional tenderness and love, it is very difficult to ensure that with every touch of a man, memories of terrible events do not arise in the subconscious.
Says that fear of sex seems to ignore the educational traits of children. Parents, who are not embarrassed by excessive asceticism or fanatical beliefs, try to instill in girls the idea that sex is not one of many “good” activities. In most cases, they do this because they are afraid that their daughters will become sexually active prematurely. However, it also happens that the mother or grandmother simply never enjoyed intimate life. In this case, it is not surprising that they can tell their heirs about it.
This happens when fathers intervene in the sex education of their daughters (which can be considered an exceptional case), in the same conversation that sex is bad. They may even understand it to some extent. This happens because to outsiders they are simply going through their initiation on a subconscious level.
Overall, no matter what influences a child”s thoughts about shameful sex, the fact remains that sex can be a scary thing for mature women. Such women tend to minimize their marital responsibilities even after marriage. Ideally, for them it only happened a few times in their lives.
It should be remembered that the fear of sex never leaves a woman if sexual contact is associated with disrespect. Dangerous and offensive language accidentally left at her address:
You can”t do this in bed.
- You”re like a log.
- How I hate it when you sleep.
- Fear of unsuccessful sexual intercourse
Fear of unsuccessful intercourse
Why are men afraid?
Why men are afraid
Childhood and youth were spent in the company of a kind mother or grandmother. This contributes to the formation of a persistent fear of the female sex and, accordingly, of all forms of relationships, including gender ones.
- Fear of failure in bed. This subconscious fear of sex is directly related to the fear of not satisfying a woman in bed. Perhaps this is aggravated by the fact that he has already been laughed at once and his partner has been humiliated accordingly.
- Low self-esteem in itself does not allow a man to relax and enjoy his intimate life.
- Sexual failures in previous relationships;
- Inability to open up to your partner and express your true feelings.”
- Fear of blood panic does not allow a man to initiate sexual intercourse, due to the fact that he is afraid of the start of his period at this moment.
- They are afraid to mate with a virgin because they do not want to hurt her.
- Main features
Main signs
They absolutely reject all conversations on erotic topics, not to mention sex itself.
A lousy sex life is not unusual, but frequent changes of partners are typical for people who are afraid of sex. More precisely, they are afraid not of physical sexual intercourse, but of the trust it leads to.
What psychologists say
What psychologists say
Intimate intimacy is permissible only after the partners have begun to trust each other and have achieved a certain psychological unity.
- The fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancy can be eliminated by using regular condoms.
- The attitude of one of the partners to their fears should be recognized as a common problem that requires mutual solutions.
- Before sexual intercourse, you can take a light sedative or a small amount of alcohol (the main thing here is not to overdo it).
- Of course, if you internally feel the presence of an attractive animal fear, then you cannot do without the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. This is especially true in cases of physical abuse or recognition of serious psychological investigations, especially if psychological injuries pre-existed. In such cases, attempts at self-therapy can lead to the exact opposite result, further aggravating the situation and encouraging the subconscious.
If the only reason for fear of intimacy is the presence of painful sensations during sexual intercourse, you cannot do without a visit to the gynecologist. Remember that premature treatment or its complete absence can lead to very unpleasant consequences.
As a result, to the waste of society, they believe that when they meet an interesting woman, with a man”s head, only one is constantly hiding — how to get her into bed. Not at all, the eternal obsession with sex is attributed in the media exclusively to men. Moreover, many of them are afraid of sexual contacts.
Therefore, the only correct advice is that you should love and respect your partner, build a trusting relationship with him and, of course, allow the couple to leave my personal life forever due to fear of sex. overcome all their mutual fears.
How to get rid of the fear of sex — advice from a psychologist
