How to talk to your partner about sex correctly?
It may be confusing at first, but believe me: opening up about gender and your own desires can change your relationships and sex life forever.
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Sex is an act of love between two people for mutual pleasure. Sex is one of the most intimate things in any person”s life. Who doesn”t love sex? I believe that there are only a few such people. In that case, if this is what most people like, can we keep it short and simple? No matter how it is. It”s very difficult to talk about this because it”s not easy, because it”s not easy to talk about it, because it”s not easy to talk about it.
The Guardian article quotes scientists who specialize in sex, Lemmellerian love and relationships.
Revelation is the key to happiness. At any time of your life, if you are open, you will be happy. In addition, it has a beneficial effect on your sex life. The Guardian quotes the FPA”s Sexual Health Council in an article on the topic. “You can learn more about how to please each other by sharing your likes, dislikes and expectations.”
Sexologist and sex therapist Crystal Woodbridge says poor communication about sex is “often a sign of poor communication in the relationship overall.” In his experience, when a couple comes to him for help with sexual problems, additional problems almost always come to light. For example, a person with low sexual desire may hide something else for 20 years.
Talking about sex is a good and right idea, but you need to do it wisely and intelligently. Never complain about your partner”s behavior and always make sure he is comfortable. Don”t talk about topics that your partner doesn”t like.
Where to start? So here are some tips to help make conversations about sex healthy, comfortable, and most importantly, productive.
Start as early as possible
According to the same Lemmers, it is good to start talking about sex in the early stages of a relationship. The later you start, the more difficult the conversation becomes. “Build trust and intimacy first through simple conversations, such as consent or contraception,” he says. “Then you can determine what you like and don’t like and move on.”
When it comes to sexual fantasies, “develop the topic slowly and carefully,” he says. Start with simple vanilla fantasies and see how your partner reacts. This helps build trust and intimacy. If you are in a long-term relationship, you have time to tell your partner what role he plays in your imagination.
Read also: What your favorite positions during sex say: 10 striking examples
Sexual preferences appear to reflect a person”s personality. However, psychologists have proven that your favorite sex position speaks volumes and reflects a lot.
It”s never too late to start
If years or decades have passed without a couple talking about sex, I often offer amnesty, Woodbridge says. I tell them to forget everything that happened before.” She asks the couple to pretend they”ve never met before. This helps them focus on what they want in the future rather than what happened in the past.
Open your fantasies
“People find it difficult to share their sexual fantasies — in fact, only half of us have it,” says Lehmiller, who surveyed more than 4, 000 people for her 2018 book Tell Me What You Are, The Guardian reports. I want him.” But there is great benefit to be gained from this. People who discuss fantasies report the happiest sexual relationships,” he says. “But they also report persistent feelings of shame.”
According to a Lemiller survey, 97% of people have very similar fantasies about sex. In other words, you are more normal than you think. And your fantasies are not so crazy. Sharing your fantasies—whether you live them out or not—is an easy way to add some color to your sex life. And even their verbal descriptions can be exciting.
How to talk to your partner about sex
Be clear — and explain
Your partner is not transparent, he cannot read your mind. In addition, he does not always understand your advice, even if it seems obvious to you. If you don”t want sex because your breath smells bad or because you want to take a shower, talk to him about it directly. Otherwise, he won”t understand why you”re pushing him away and will feel rejected.
Be positive and don”t be critical
Use “I” rather than “you” pronouns, says the author of the Guardian Advice article. It”s less compliant and gives you more control. Compare: “I am” and “you make me feel.” The difference is obvious. Be polite with your partner and do not allow yourself harsh and rude statements — this can develop into psychological trauma.
Always try to say something positive. Even if your partner does something you don”t like. Start with praise, start with something pleasant and gradually move on to a polite explanation of the cause of the discomfort.
This exercise isn”t just for talking about sex; it works in any conversation. In addition, this is the style that managers adhere to during important negotiations. Even when discussing the negative aspects of something, you should always turn it into something positive.
Listen and ask questions
An article in The Guardian says that one of the main problems in communication is not the inability to speak to a couple, but the inability to listen. The author of the article writes: “They are so concerned with avoiding harm to themselves and others that they constantly think about how to say more instead of actually listening.”
How to learn to listen? It”s not as difficult as it seems. Start showing interest in what your partner has to say. When he talks about something, add “tell me more about it.” Thus, he sees your interest and is more willing to share his experience. He then begins to show mutual interest in your words and experiences.
But this is not enough — the main thing is not only to ask him to tell you, but also to accept what is said. You must understand that your point of view is not the only one and, more importantly, is not always correct. Think about everything that was said without cold reason, without prejudice — and all these conversations will become much easier.
