How to talk to your partner about sexual problems?
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Talking about sex can be difficult. It”s even harder to tell a loved one that their sex life has stalled or that a serious problem has arisen. For many people, this is a very responsible and scary step, so it’s easier to leave everything as it is and be patient.
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The fear that a partner will take the problem to heart or even think that the love has passed is what stops most people. However, adult problems require appropriate solutions. Let”s boldly approach the adult “this and that” conversation using a six-point approach!
6 musts when communicating about sex
- Tact.
First, you should think about how, where and where to start the conversation. Organize a debriefing and do not express the problem directly.
Choosing the right time is the first step to success. By bringing up the topic after a stressful day at work or amid emotional turmoil, you increase the likelihood of an argument in Smitherline without getting to the bottom of it. It is advisable to bring up the topic of sex on a quiet evening on the weekend, when there is no need for a hasty distraction. Make sure your partner is in a good mood before moving forward.
Another important aspect is the environment. Think carefully about where it will be most convenient for everyone to communicate. Of course, intimate matters should not be revealed in public. This will not only upset your significant other, but also the people around you. It would be much more correct to interrupt the discussion and choose a room where no one is allowed.
Now that you have the time and place figured out, it”s time to start a dialogue. In this regard, sexologists recommend making a small (or, if really necessary, a large and detailed) plan. Thus, in most cases, rude and offensive phrases slip through, and the partner interprets them in his own way. But just one word is enough for the conversation to suddenly turn into an argument!
On the eve of the conversation, slyly warn your partner that you want to discuss some issues, and your chosen one will find a more convenient time. However, don”t shock them with “we need to talk.” This will only make the situation worse. In addition, it is recommended to start the dialogue with positive aspects of sex. Your partner will soon relax and understand that you are not going to argue.
The egocentric conversation technique can be a great aid in difficult discussions. This technique involves using words like “I like” and “I don”t like” to construct sentences. Partners” presence when describing problems using “I-messages” is reduced to zero, reducing the potential for conflict.
Read also: The Eternal Problem: How to Want to Have Sex?
Everyone at least once in their life asks themselves: how do you want to have sex? There”s a lot of debate about this topic, but people tend to completely.
This way, conversations are based on preferences, not accusations. “I want to try new positions” rather than “I”m not happy in bed.” Partners don”t take things personally and are more willing to resolve any issues that arise.
- Free
Attempts to blame your partner for terrible sex, inexperience, fantasies, or lack of desire will not lead to any conversation. In any relationship, there are adults who can take responsibility, so you can”t place 100% of the blame for a mishap in bed on someone else.
Sure, you can see where your partner is seriously missing opportunities, but don”t blame them head-on. Always think about how to improve the situation and remember past tactics. You need to start with yourself. For example, the statement, “You can”t make me have an orgasm,” sounds very harsh, especially since it”s unlikely your partner will change the situation on their own.
How to talk to a man about sex?
- Show by example.
After discussing all pressing issues, don”t forget to show by example what and how to do. For example, pornographic videos can be a reference to hidden desires. This can quickly lead to new positions and techniques for experimentation. Of course, the adult industry is still a large industry, so some desires are veiled and not entirely sexual in nature.
- Tips during sex
The right words are, of course, wonderful, but they are unlikely to replace practice. First of all, you need to understand that silence and inaction are not the answer. Even if you”ve never spoken directly to your partner about your desires during intercourse, it”s never too late to start.
You don”t always need to say the prompts — put your partner”s hand on the sexual area and move closer. Many actions are clear, and there are no complex diagrams. If the other half is too careful or, conversely, does not match the intensity, ask her to be softer/rougher without avoiding, the situation will quickly change.
It is very important to be the initiator and not be afraid to interrupt sex to change position or location. What”s more, your partner doesn”t necessarily need clear guidelines or rules.
After all, you need to listen to those comments that may not suit your soul mate. If your partner sees that you are interested in his pleasure and try to pay attention to details and even small requests, he will definitely respond kindly to you.
There are situations when your partner does not agree with your vision of sex. For some, slow sex with languid cinematic foreplay is the norm. But there are other aspects too, such as wild lunges, biting and dirty talk. When opposites come together in a couple, you need to learn to listen to your partner’s preferences and find a compromise that suits all parties.
All moments can be used to build a healthy and constructive dialogue that will not end in grievances and disagreements at different angles. However, sexual problems cannot be solved with a snap of your fingers, so the conversation may consist of several lengthy stages. Be patient and begin to articulate what amounts to a logical narrative.
