I don”t want my husband at all — is this the end? What should I do?
The world revolves around sex (even this article is about sex). ), many men believe they should get married only to earn the right to unlimited sex with this person. But what if it”s the same person, a woman who no longer wants sex? How does this happen, and what can be done about it? Real people (Quora users) and psychologists answer.
Contents of the article:
Why you might not want sex
There are many reasons: physiological, psychological, and even simple everyday ones. Correct:
- Contraception. They can affect hormonal levels and thereby suppress sexual desire. The solution to this problem is simple. Choose other contraceptives.
- Recent childbirth or caring for a small child. Childbirth is traumatic for a woman”s body, and caring for a small child drains all your energy. Hormones also play a role. The body switches to “child care” mode.
- Self-esteem issues. People with high self-esteem, who consider themselves beautiful and attractive, have sex more often than those with low self-esteem. This is because sex is literally a direct interaction with the body.
- Stress. Problems at work, something unclear in the world, fear for the future, money issues, or relationship problems with family members—it”s natural to experience a decrease in libido.
- Boredom. You work, come home, do housework, maybe babysit, or try to learn something new. In the evening, you have neither the energy nor the desire for sex; you just want to roll over and zone out.
- Boredom. Sex becomes routine, unpleasurable, your husband does the same thing every time, doesn”t listen to your desires—and desire diminishes because your libido says, “Why should I do something I”ve already memorized?” [4].
- Relationship conflict. You”re angry at your husband for something, and it affects your perception of him as a sexual partner.
- Early pregnancy. Perhaps yes: pregnancy affects your hormonal balance, which can impact your sexual desire.
- Lack of sleep, and therefore fatigue, forces the body to switch to resource-saving mode and dampen sexual desire to avoid wasting energy.
- Change in sexual orientation: You become attracted to women, which leads to a decrease in interest in your husband. This means your desire for sex decreases, but you may still experience romantic feelings.
- A new sexual addiction develops that your spouse cannot satisfy.
- Anxiety, depression.
- You do not experience orgasm. And again, your sexual desire: “Listen, girlfriend, do you need this? Take matters into your own hands. Why do you need a stranger? He”s unlikely to know where the clitoris is, anyway.”
- A natural change in the relationship between partners, associated with the fact that they have moved on to a new stage of the relationship, not characterized by an urgent need for sexual contact.
Read also: A man doesn”t need sex at all — what to do? yes, it”s a mystery! Have men suddenly decided to stop liking sex, or is it something else? Let”s figure it out. Possible reasons: He”s lost it for you.
What do people think? Answers from Reddit
- It depends on your husband. There”s no catch here. You should tell him you don”t want to have sex. He needs to decide if he can live with it. Think about what you can offer before talking to him. Is he comfortable masturbating from time to time? Are you willing to let him have sex with someone else? Tell him what he can get from you, and what “No, so he can make a decision” — Stephen
- Two options: divorce him and let him find someone better, or give him complete freedom to find sex elsewhere, but this time without a divorce” — Ben Jones
- If this is a very important issue for you, then, in my opinion, you need to do two things. Either literally divorce him, or consult a marriage counselor about it. Part of the marriage. Or replace sex with fellatio. Seriously, if sex is unacceptable to you, you will have to sacrifice something.
Finally, recognize that sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Don”t wait for your husband to hold you if he doesn”t feel the same way” — Kyle”s book:
- Give him the opportunity to intrigue for the rest of his life and let him do what he wants and needs to do. “I don”t know why you don”t want sex or don”t want it with him, but the only way out is for you to open up the relationship.” — Tom Eyer
- “You need to talk about your feelings, reasons, desires, and choices. Then he can make an informed decision about whether your marriage will end or whether you can both find a compromise.” — Gavin Harding
- “Unless you are married and have agreed not to demand sex (unthinkable in most relationships), you cannot unilaterally change the sexual dynamic of the relationship and turn it into a complete stop without destroying it.
It is highly recommended that couples undergo therapy to see if reconciliation is possible. Typically, a partner who claims he doesn”t want sex anymore is killing the relationship. If you”re no longer attracted to him, why stay with him?” — James Warren
Advice from psychologists
People develop and change, including levels of sexual addiction and sexual desire. They may not always want the same amount of sex as 17-year-olds. This is normal and natural and depends on many factors, both psychological and physiological. Also include that you may not be sexually attracted to your husband. It doesn”t even mean that you don”t love him: you can love him, you just don”t want sexual intimacy, and in the end, love (yes, romantic love) doesn”t end there, does it? Therefore, there is no need to blame yourself. Are you okay? If you are concerned about your condition, you can get tested to check your hormones. Perhaps the breakdown of sexual desire is determined by pure physiology and can literally be cured with drugs. But even this is one of the options. By the way, your husband may not feel an urgent need for sex. Spouses who have been married for many years have little or no sex, but this does not prevent them from loving and caring for each other. It doesn”t end with sex.
- Think about what changes in your relationship you are willing to make.
Are you ready for an open relationship? If not officially, are you ready to turn a blind eye to your spouse’s infidelity? Some women live in such marriages because they value sexual fidelity, as well as other character traits, in their husbands. Does this work for you? Perhaps you yourself want to have sex with other men/women? What sexual practices do you find disgusting? Is it normal for you to meet your husband and make love to him to please him, or does this seem like violence against you? Your sex life is unsatisfactory for a long time, and your sexual desires may disappear. Introduce your husband to other practices that you enjoy, perhaps a new position, a change in his behavior, new sexual games, more variety.
- Let go of life and spend free time with your spouse.
And sometimes things get a lot nicer. You”re both caught up in everyday life, and spending time together helps you remember that you”re still a man and a woman who love each other.
Ic3peak — cry-cry
