Sex after cheating — is it possible and why does this happen?
Cheating, even the easiest and most liberated, is destructive for any relationship. The betrayal of a loved one settles in fragments on the brain and corrodes it from the inside. However, there is an opportunity to fix everything and start from the very beginning. At some point the question arises: sex after cheating — what to do with it? How to stop feeling disgust and slight emptiness towards someone who is still dear to you?
Contents of the article:
Why do men cheat?
The psychology of men is different from the psychology of women, so the reasons for cheating are different for both sexes. The stronger sex is moving to the left due to the following situations
Constant lack of sex. Male physiology requires more frequent sexual intercourse than female physiology (and vice versa). Women can tolerate it, men cannot. If in this relationship he constantly lacks sex, he will begin to look for where to make up for this lack. And, as you know, he will find the one he is looking for.
Life and communication in society depending on the type of person. When a woman limits a man in the manifestation of his basic qualities (breadwinner, protector, leader), which are predetermined by nature, he continues to realize them in another woman. Next to him she is gentle, feminine and slightly dependent on him. This entertains a man”s pride and increases his self-esteem and importance in a particular relationship.
Boredom in life. After some time (for some, several years, for others, several decades), household chores and a thoroughly studied partner begin to get boring. Then, unable to think of anything better, the man goes looking for sex on the side. It is worth noting this purely male behavior.
I didn”t get up. Such men can fall in love with absolutely any woman. Even the most perfect ones. He may even truly love his life partner, but still change. Women can”t change this, only time can (and sometimes it can”t).
Feeling of worthlessness. Men, like women, can experience similar feelings. If the partner is passionate about work, personal problems and does not show interest in the man, betrayal will not take long to happen. At the same time, there is no bickering on this topic (as in similar statements from women), he simply finds someone who spends time with him, is attentive and painstaking. In this regard, men look childish and require the same attention.
Lack of beauty and sexuality in women nearby. When a couple lives together for a long time, both of them are characterized by a relaxed attitude towards everyday life (old shabby household items, a dirty head on weekends, excessive weight gain). This reflects more on a woman, so she catches your eye faster. Men fit into the picture just as well as girls with beautiful words.
Frequent torus mode. In the event of a quarrel (no matter how big or small, and no matter in which house), men go in search of a “safe haven”. Any problem can (and should) be expressed in the form of a complaint. But this must be justified and not in the form of a saw.
Distance and time. The prerequisite here is long distances over long periods of time. If a person changes a few days after leaving, it means he just wants to change, and separation has nothing to do with it. However, if you have to let him go for six months or a year, do not have any hopes of fidelity.
Mom instead of the beloved woman. When the moment of a man”s guardianship comes, his sexual desire is significantly reduced and redirected to another woman instead of his mother.
Read also: Is oral sex considered cheating? Different points of view
Each person has his own concept of “rebellion”. For some, this should be sexual intercourse, for others, emotional intimacy is more important. Then there is.
Excessive jealousy. It is similar to sawing, but more tiring for both men and women. Nobody likes constant control. Mistrust will do its job. Women are convinced that betrayal exists, so let”s actually do it.
Why do women cheat?
For women, everything works a little differently. If she decides to change, it will be a measured and deliberate action. There may be reasons for this
Lack of emotional connection in relationships. If a man is close only nominally, then for a woman it does not matter. Cheating occurs when there is someone nearby who suddenly fills the emotional void.
Revenge. Reaction to a man”s betrayal. Restoring a woman’s rights is the most difficult process, and the more painful it is for a man, the worse it is for him. Reciprocal sex can be with your best friend or she can do it openly. Of course, there is no need to talk about further continuation of the relationship.
Lack of orgasm. The female orgasm has become complex because it is biological. And it’s not always possible for a woman to openly tell her partner that she doesn’t feel anything during sex. And when physiological dissatisfaction reached its peak, the woman decided to take a treacherous step.
Life disagreements. This happens, but with great marital experience, life divides itself. Everyone spends their free time separately. In such circumstances, it is not surprising that women lead their lovers. Perhaps the person will change.
Sexual compatibility. If a man needs sex two or three times a week, and a woman needs sex every day, such a relationship will not remain faithful for long.
Low self-esteem. Family troubles lead to a drop in women”s self-esteem. This happens when a beloved man begins to morally humiliate a woman. She is looking for sex on the side in order to feel desired and loved again for a while.
Feeling of dominance. When a man restricts a woman from discussing general issues in a relationship and makes decisions on her own, there is a possibility of betrayal. A misleading understanding of plans gives a woman a false sense of control over the situation and that she is on top.
Economic independence. If a woman can provide for herself and does not particularly need a man’s money, she is more easily immersed in the pool of new trusting relationships (compared to dependents).
Dispersed field. Serious, long-term breakups do not usually happen immediately, but rather last for some time. The fear of being alone pushes a woman to look for a new lover (and let this happen for some time without serious intentions). At the same time, the end is not put on the current relationship.
How to overcome psychological problems and start enjoying sex again
Sex after cheating is in some cases impossible because the relationship is ending. Statistics show that 7 out of 10 men leave a relationship immediately. With male infidelity, everything is different. Women are naturally more compassionate because, according to statistics, 8 out of 10 forgive their betrayers.
However, simply forgiving and living is not enough to establish a relationship. Psychologists advise going through several stages together in order to adapt and accept the “new life.” Their sequence is as follows
- Find the reason for the betrayal. Both partners are more likely to be responsible, but of course there is more to it than that. It is important to understand at what point you took the wrong path, when everything became the last straw. This is necessary in order to prevent this from happening in the future.
- Analyzes whether the relationship is worth saving. With a more detailed analysis of the current situation, one of the couple or both understands that saving the relationship is pointless. The love has passed or someone has simply realized that betrayal is neither emotional nor physical.
- Speak your thoughts to your heart. It’s worth planning an intimate heart-to-heart conversation. In it, both partners can talk about their feelings absolutely accurately, especially negative ones. The fact that I liked sex and didn”t like it is something I”m willing to try. It is also worth telling each other about the emotions that everyone feels towards each other. For example, anger, slight devastation, irritation, shame, pity, disappointment, tons of sin and other feelings.
- Forgiveness phase. After successfully completing the above steps, you can move on to the most important thing — mutual forgiveness. It is mutual sincere forgiveness that is the key to establishing further relationships.
During the rehabilitation period and for some time after it, when it is necessary to abstain from tenderness and symptoms of a sexual nature. This is because memories of the pain inflicted quickly intensify and can make the situation worse.
The initiator of sex should be the person who was betrayed. Thus, the second person can only wait patiently. Only after reconciliation can you often quarrel, because the offended party needs to shed accumulated anger, resentment, irritation and fear of you.
In what cases is sex after cheating unacceptable for either a man or a woman?
There are certain situations when even after one betrayal without obligations (and which psychologists consider acceptable and forgivable), it is impossible to talk about continuing the relationship. These include.
