Who really attracts manipulators and pick-up artists: dispelling the myths
Dating gurus often give advice based on psychological manipulation techniques. Presumably, these recommendations should help to hook a person and hook him to you.
Contents of the article:
Conflicting recommendations and their popularity
These ideas can be seen in all kinds of book publications, on the pages of websites, and you can listen to psychological pickup trainings. And people are ready to pay a lot of money for all this “wisdom”. After all, everyone wants their personal life to be a safe and quiet haven, and not a place where stress, ups and downs of love are constantly raging.
List of bad advice
Only here these recommendations do not always work, but in some cases they are effective. The main list of such recommendations usually includes the following rules.
- They don”t have to be accessible. By being available to girls or men, they make themselves attractive to partners.” (Indeed, an affordable person is the most attractive partner. He can support others and take care of himself and is always willing to invest time and effort into a relationship.)
- “Even if it”s not, let me tell you that you”re busy.” (I. e. we are asked to lie from the very beginning of the relationship. But when we behave this way, people get used to hiding their true feelings and lying).
- “Don”t call him — wait until he picks up.” (Teachers and grief counselors encourage listeners to hide their needs. But will anyone respect us in this case?)
- “Don”t pretend it turns you on. Showing people that he is important to you means losing him. You need to make your partner feel insecure, then he will stay close.” (In practice, using such strategies it is impossible to build normal relationships, including sexual ones. You need to take care of your partner and be open about your feelings and emotions).
- “Mystery comes first. Uncertainty can be very beneficial in a relationship.” (Contrary to this misconception, which has no basis in fact, there is scientific research on this topic. It shows that uncertainty and insecurity in relationships lead to health problems and depression. This is not counting other problems. Of course, there are secrets. (But this does not mean that you need to hide something to maintain your own attractiveness).
Read also: Where to look for a serious relationship? General recommendations
His name is Pavel, Dima or David. He is very handsome and completely girly. Or Dasha, Lisa or Sveta. Whose dream it is. The only problem is that we don”t.
What does this strategy achieve?
All these messages tell us that the only way to maintain the love and respect of a partner is through imaginary independence. Thus, the person acts against his personal emotional needs. He behaves in such a way that his emotions and needs are not met. But then they promise the guru, which allows him to make a person fall in love with him and make him dependent on him.
Manipulation attracts destructive personality
However, all of these tips can actually be effective. With their help, you can attract a psychologically unhealthy person who needs such dependence. One of the main personality traits of such a person is the desire for mutual manipulation. She or he may then suffer from low self-esteem, a mountain of psychological complexes, inability to express emotions, mental trauma, hysteria, delusions and other “bonus” consequences.
The whole truth about male pickup artists. Is it worth creating a relationship with a pickup artist?
You can catch real psychological “monsters” with this juicy bait. Yes, this person may be rich on the inside and beautiful on the outside. But when it comes to relationships and love, this makes him a complete amateur.
Such people know nothing about what love is and how it can be shown. From an early age they experience rejection from their parents (or other significant adults). And as adults, they repeat these behavior patterns over and over again.
The described pickup technique attracts such people. Normal, healthy people will not like this attitude. For example, if he hasn”t heard from you in two days, he”ll probably want to clear things up. Moreover, even if a healthy person has feelings for a manipulator, his indifference will first cause resentment and then disappear.
How will relations develop in this scenario?
What happens to people who are attracted to pickup artists? Perhaps they will see “creepy” signs of love in this set of signals. From an early age they learn to ignore their own needs and feelings. the needs and experiences of other people. As a result, it now seems that this is how love manifests itself.
However, if suddenly, God forbid, an “expert” in a relationship decides to change the strategy and start communicating openly with this person, such a person will immediately begin to close down and push him away. A kind of harmful connection is formed in which equality does not exist and cannot exist. Yes, you can attract people using the techniques described. But what kind of person this will be and what kind of relationship you expect to have with him is a completely different question. It”s up to you whether you want a relationship where everyone has to constantly hide their true selves.
