A Beginner”s Guide: How to Become a Good Submissive
It”s said that the desire for submission is a sign of mental instability. However, sexual considerations are viewed differently around the world. Read this article for a detailed guide on how to be a submissive and whether it”s normal to have such desires.
Contents of the article:
- Is it normal to want to be a submissive?
- What you need to know
- First, know yourself
- Determine if you”re truly a submissive type
- Determine your level of submission
- Dominant and submissive | Wake up
- Know your limits
- Communication, communication, and.. communication
- Always put safety first
- Distinguish fantasy from reality
- Develop patience
- What is Ukhtomsky”s dominant? Examples of dominants from everyday life
Is it normal to want to be a submissive?
Many will probably not like my answer, but yes, it is normal to want to be a sexual submissive. Moreover, some people have a perfectly reasonable explanation for this form of sexual behavior. How did this happen? Let”s look at this step by step.
The first thing to mention is sexual preference and arousal. No two people have the same anatomical and physiological characteristics. Furthermore, couples simply can”t be intimate without variety. This means that everyone has their own standards.
“But how can a papal slap and a whip be enjoyed, or even benefited from?” you ask. Of course they can! For example, girls can”t get aroused without a riding crop or a belt. Why not? Because spanking, within established limits, or slapping stimulates blood flow to the relevant area.
Spanking the buttocks, waist, or lower abdomen increases blood flow to the entire area, especially the vulva. This, in turn, arouses desire and causes the genitals to swell and become sufficiently lubricated. The same rule applies to men.
Furthermore, worldview, temperament, and character play a significant role in the desire to be “low.” People who are accustomed to command from birth do not choose a subordinate role. Their belief is to command and lead. A strong willingness to carry out and follow instructions is very “low.” But this does not mean such people lack the will and desire to be at the top.
The second thing that needs to be said about the advantages of “low”. In terms of obedience, people take on new roles. This allows you to look at sex from one side and reveal other aspects of your personality, especially if there are sexual clamps or blocks. Statistics show that partners who agree to be submissive quickly get rid of discomfort and tension in bed. In a short time, many have reached new levels of pleasure.
However, we should not forget about the negative aspects. Feelings of anxiety, humiliation and pain are the first things a submissive encounters. Strong personalities move beyond this phase and freely enter into new relationships. A constrained and insecure partner is unable to overcome serious difficulties and often becomes depressed.
And the third key point is a real desire to experience pain and humiliation. Here it is already worth considering psychological deviations. Fortunately, the number of such partners is about 15%. Otherwise, pain is just an acute addition to intimate play.
What will happen next? The desire to be submissive is an individual issue. In the absence of psycho-emotional disorders, the desire to obey is standard and capricious. Therefore, there is no point in sounding the alarm in advance. Perhaps it”s just another game.
What you need to know
First, know yourself
Submitting, whether by choice or at the request of a partner, is a serious step that requires deep thought and self-knowledge. If you can”t evaluate your strengths, desires and principles, don”t start. Understanding what it means to be “low” means experiencing both the psychological and physical consequences.
Read also: Beginner”s Guide: 10 Steps to the Art of Bondage
With the advent of books and films such as 50 Shades of Gray and the popular trilogy, the popularity of BDSM games and tools has skyrocketed. Certainly,.
It is important that you know your capabilities, the boundaries within which you can feel comfortable. To do this, it is recommended to begin to practice a dominant sanctified relationship with the light elements. Tying your hands with a slap, tie, or belt is a simple instruction. You, as a “bottom”, should be discussed with the dominant first. Otherwise, you will falsely accuse your partner of cruelty, sadism and mental instability.
Determine if you”re truly a submissive type
If you are impulsive, hot-tempered and eccentric, then you should not talk about submission; you shouldn”t talk about “submissive.” Nature is such that the position of the submissive cannot be maintained for long. Even if these relationships bring only pleasure, sooner or later they lose their attractiveness.
If you fully know yourself, your temperament and your willingness to please your partner 100%, then you will enjoy submission. It is important to understand that dominant actions bring pleasure only to him and once broke you and cause serious psycho-emotional trauma. Therefore, decide in advance whether the topic of submission is close to you and whether you can constantly humble yourself.
Determine your level of submission
If you don”t know the limits of your submission, take care of yourself with your partner. The main thing you can determine for yourself is your temperament. The level of subordination cannot be determined only by you. To do this, discuss the tactics of your relationship with your partner.
Stay close and be dominant when doing activities together. Start with cleaning, cooking or shopping. Gradually move on to intimacy, but do not include toys or sexual games themselves.
Kissing, stroking, stimulation — you can start there. The mind will tell you how to behave further.
Dominant and submissive | Wake up
Know your limits
What can your nature do? To understand what exactly you might consider “low”, you need to start practicing. Naturally, your first experience should not include hardcore flogger play, anal fisting and hanging from the ceiling. The practice should gradually become more difficult and be carried out by mutual agreement. Remember that every action is a test.
Communication, communication, and.. communication
The secret to a successful and sanctified dominance relationship is to constantly discuss all aspects of the behavior of both partners. If your other half is 100% honest with you, and you remain silent because of fear or inhibition, do not expect success from the relationship.
You need to constantly talk to each other. This is necessary to control the emotional and physical state, as well as to determine new desires and boundaries of what is acceptable. It is recommended to initiate this rule and involve the dominant-subdirective relationship at every stage. Neglecting it is fraught with psycho-emotional and physical injuries.
Always put safety first
During times of sexual boom, it is important to lose your head and put safety first. What does it mean?
- Use birth control in the form of condoms or the pill.
- Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
- Don”t cross your pain threshold for your partner.
- If injured, seek medical attention immediately.
- Engage in acceptable and unacceptable behavior with your partner.
- Avoid and warn against violent acts.
In addition, you and your partner should agree on a safe word that you will use in case of discomfort or pain.
Distinguish fantasy from reality
Sometimes you”ve seen enough of erotic films and want to repeat every scene with pinpoint precision. During sexual intercourse, you begin to fantasize and try to catch up with the hero of the film. However, not everything is so rosy. Understand that the scene on the screen is just a work of art and that there is always a specialist behind the scenes ready to replace the actor and provide the necessary assistance. Therefore, you need to be careful what you wish for. Sexual activity was discussed here.
When it comes to behavior, don”t make the subordinate role a reality. Understand that the habit of being dominant in bed can easily develop into being the dominant one in a relationship. What will this lead to? They will simply stop listening to you and taking your opinion into account. Do you want this one? I don”t think so.
Develop patience
Having determined your temperament and degree of obedience, you can calmly play your role. But don”t rush into submission. This is not a rush on your partner”s part. At the initial stages, it is difficult to accept your own position and the desires of your partner. Even after an agreement is concluded, difficulties do not disappear. However, if you want to stay together if necessary, you can gradually get used to the new sensations.
