3 serious mistakes in relationships that can lead to a breakup
Falling in love is like a mental disorder. It makes us dizzy and makes us do things that we would never do in our right mind and solid memory. And each such “feat” in the name of love seems to us noble, selfless and correct, until its unexpected consequences occur. In this article we will look at behaviors that at first glance seem to be signs of caring, devotion and trust, but nevertheless should never be performed. Why? Understand this.
Contents of the article:
Mutual exchange of passwords
Do you trust each other so much that there are no secrets between you at all? Have you ever exchanged passwords for social networks? If so, there’s bad news. This kind of “absolute trust” almost always backfires and is often the main cause of relationship breakdown. After all, is this really the highest degree of trust in the modern world?
First, all people need personal space. Personal communication is an integral part of this space. When someone else appears there, even if it is the person closest to you, you only lose a part of yourself. This may not seem important at first, but over time the situation constantly changes. For example, when a close friend trusts you with a secret, he doesn’t want you to tell it to your significant other. Or when the most pleasant details of your past do not come up in conversation. It is impossible to predict these moments, but it is difficult to doubt that sooner or later they will come.
And here you can object. Yes, we exchanged passwords because we trust each other, but we don’t read each other’s messages because we trust. Please don’t. Do you see a contradiction here? Then why exchange passwords at all? Because you trust each other? But would you trust without this exchange? When thinking about the topic of trust, if you really trust your partner (or her), you are unlikely to find any reason to find out his password yourself. And the statement that you have not yet read each other’s correspondence gives us.
Secondly, if you have each other’s passwords, sooner or later you will use them. Curiosity itself tends to grow over time. It doesn’t matter which one is first. The result is the same. Neutral conversations with work colleagues or former classmates, old correspondence with cheerful romantic acquaintances on the Internet, made a year before the start of your relationship – all this can cause conflict. Especially because your other half doesn’t know the context. Do you already feel like you have to make excuses for things you don’t remember?
Such “acts of trust” in the overwhelming majority of cases can lead to either open conflict in a couple, or hidden disappointments, or psychological problems associated with a lack of personal space. If you don’t want to hurt each other, find other ways to demonstrate your trust in your relationship. For example, take up paired dancing or acrobatics – this is where there is genuine trust in all the complex lifts!
Read also: Signs that you are ready for a serious relationship
we are always looking for something: happiness, good living conditions, love. These searches are complex and often come to a dead end. Finding a life partner is especially difficult. We are walking.
Choose: either me or your friends!
If such an ultimatum occurs in your relationship, you should seriously think about it. Yes, there are times when your partner is in bad company and you genuinely worry about them and your future. His friends can really drug him and drag him down, her friends can use drugs. However, if you do not like your partner’s company for subjective reasons, such as lack of common interests with you, different values, certain mutual dislikes, etc., it will be a big mistake to insist that your couple stop communicating with his/her circle.
If you don’t like his/her friends, don’t contact them. You don’t have to like them, your interests don’t have to coincide. But the need for communication, in one’s own company, is the same natural desire as the need for personal space and the same person. And with such ultimatums, you hurt first your loved one, and then your relationship. Understand yourself and find out why you don’t like your friend’s other half. Perhaps it’s because you don’t understand anything about their favorite Warcraft, anime, or a certain geek culture. You can always look into this topic and find something interesting for yourself. Especially considering that the geek is very friendly and willingly shares his knowledge with those who show interest. Or are his friends the notorious tourists? Before you criticize them, be sure to go camping at least once! And, of course, don’t blame them for something you don’t understand. When telling your loved one that all his friends are freaks, remember that these people were in his life before you. And most likely they will come later.
The other side of this coin is unnecessary self-sacrifice. Of course, you can throw away your friends “in the name of the people”, but you, and especially your friends, created you. And if today they tell you that they will give up their friends for me, tomorrow you will hear that you are not (the person) I love. Without your company, you would truly be someone else, and the former is almost always followed by the latter, because it is unlikely to make you a better person.
We’ve known each other for two weeks now, it’s time to start living together and meet our parents!
Hush, hush, where are you going? You still barely know each other! Yes, the pace of modern life is accelerating. Fast transport speeds, instant communications around the world and distances of thousands of kilometers no longer seem so important. But still, no personal relationship is worth the haste! Do you remember how Mayakovsky’s “Love Boat” crashed into everyday life? And you are not racing on a boat, but on a speedboat! In addition, in unfamiliar fairways there may be coral reefs, sharks and even enemy submarines.
To find a friend with all their strengths and weaknesses, to find a way to overcome the problems that will inevitably stand in your way, a few weeks is clearly not enough. Sure, the first few days of living together seem wonderful. Because it will almost certainly be rough sex with occasional breaks for sleep, food, and toilet breaks. But when the first questions about cleaning, laundry, cooking, and socks hanging in someone’s chandelier arise, the world changes dramatically.
Delays in meeting the parents aren’t a problem. This automatically takes your relationship to a completely different level, and you’re almost certain you’re not ready yet. You should approach your mom with a bouquet of flowers when you’re old enough to solve your own problems and 100 percent certain your passionate romance won’t end in a few months. However, it’s recommended to spend these months together to truly strengthen that confidence.
Of course, there are many other mistakes that can undermine a nascent relationship. It’s completely impossible to cover them all in one article. Take your time and think rationally, not recklessly. Do this, and you will succeed!
