Pregnant from her lover — real stories of people

They talk about male betrayal, they say, 75 percent of men cheated on their wives or girlfriends. And only 20 percent of women change their life partners.

Statistics show that the stronger sex here is not good enough to really “stand out.”

We talk a lot about how to get back a man who is “walking around” during his wife”s pregnancy — and how to do it in a way that is not only “respectful” but “respectful” to the man”s wife.

What do you do with a woman who is pregnant by her lover?

Help from the audience

Today”s difficult situations almost always force us to seek advice on the Internet.

There we look for symptoms of the disease, make a diagnosis and prescribe treatment.

Why is this tactic dangerous?

In particular, it is generally contraindicated for imaginary people to seek advice from Internet users. Otherwise, they will certainly suppress a sore throat from pharynx cancer, start writing wills and consider the latter to be strange behavior, at least between regrets about betrayal.

“Mistress before pregnancy, what to do?” — Ask such a question on a women’s forum, and there will be tons of comments from sympathetic advisers.

But today we are trying to do without the help of such Internet cesspools as Vumen. ru.

How do people deal with such situations of “corruption in the West”?

How to survive betrayal

This is the title of an article on one of the English-language sites dedicated to psychological consultations for married couples.

“What to do if you (or your spouse) are pregnant by your lover?” “Apparently, if she devoted an entire article to it, the problem is very widespread.”

Start reading.

Treason

There is no sadder story in the world than the story of adultery. Betrayal always leads to tragic consequences. And the point is not only that trust between partners disappears, but also that the deceived party experiences long-term anxiety. Treason is always accompanied by a number of indecent events.

For example, sexually transmitted diseases — if the cheater (traitor) does not hint that he is sick, he, as a rule, manages to infect an unsuspecting partner.

In addition, there is another possible risk that we have dedicated this article to: unplanned pregnancy.

Can you imagine how many similar stories psychologists might hear during their careers! A huge number of women who became pregnant from their lovers preferred to hide this fact from their legal spouses. A huge number of men raise other people’s children and don’t even ask this question.

I know at least 20 children who are convinced they know who the real father is. Actually they are wrong. The information on the birth certificate is nothing more than a lie made up by the mother to hide the ugly truth.

Sometimes children are different from their “father” or mother, which seems funny to you — is this really not noticed by anyone?

I also get a lot of letters from fathers who have found out that their wives are pregnant with their girlfriends” children and have no idea what to do in this situation because they have no idea that their children are pregnant with their girlfriends” children and have no idea what to do. Men also write to me. He later finds out that his child was conceived by another man. Psychologist Dr. Harley says.

The stronger the passion in a couple, the higher the risk of unplanned pregnancy. Passion overwhelms the mind, and the need for contraception can be forgotten. “I know one couple who used two different methods of contraception during intercourse with each other and still managed to have five unplanned children. This is a clear indicator of how passionate their relationship is,” says Harley.

Some women decided to have an abortion as soon as they learned about their pregnancy from their friends. Others cannot do this, either for medical reasons or for reasons of moral principles. In this case, the woman faces a difficult choice.

In front of him, she is her own person.

Because Dr. Harley holds sacred secrets, the actual letters from his clients are never published and the stories behind them are never revealed.

Nevertheless, he decided to warn others against mistakes and give advice to those who have already found themselves in a difficult life situation.

All names and events in the following letters are fictitious, but they are based on Harley”s actual psychological practice.

If you are unable to speak to an expert in person, please read these letters and listen to the advice Mr. Harley provides.

Letter one

Dear Dr. Harley.

I am 35 years old and my husband is 37. We have been married for 12 years. We have three children, 9, 7 and 2 years old. I love my husband and don”t want to lose him. But I”m afraid that one day he will understand the truth. And our marriage will end.

Five years ago I started writing a novel. I had no intention of marrying this man. But he made me happy. At that stage of my life I needed it. Unfortunately, I got pregnant from him. I knew that he was my father. He also understood this perfectly well — at that time my husband and I did not have sex, but with my lover I had a normal intimate life.

Now my daughter is two years old. I never saw this man again. But he threatens to tell my husband the whole truth — he wants to be in my daughter”s life.

My question: — Should I admit to my husband that he is not the father of our daughter? Or should I pray that my ex-lover will keep our affair a secret? I”m panicking. Please reply as soon as possible.

The doctor”s answer was:

To have a happy marriage, couples must follow two strategies — be completely honest with each other and maintain a policy of mutual consent. This is what I advise married couples to do.

If there is neither honesty nor agreement in a couple, then the chances of a long and happy life together are negligible. Changing a partner breaks all the rules that exist for a given couple.

You are pressed against the wall; you are forced to tell the truth because your ex-lover is threatening you. In fact, such a plot turns out for the better — if not for the pressure of this person, you might not even think about telling the truth. And as soon as I found out about the pregnancy, I immediately begged you to do it.

I call this the policy of radical honesty: tell your spouse everything you know about yourself—what you feel, what you have, what you like, what you don’t like. what you like, what you don”t like, your daily life, what you think about, what you do in your free time, and what your plans are for the future.

According to this policy, you should not hide anything from your spouse — not even side affairs, or the fact that he is not the biological father of your daughter.

If you have had this policy since the early days of your marriage, then you are not in that situation now. Perhaps you would not even dare to betray, because you openly talk with your spouse about your feelings that arise because of this person. Your sincerity and openness will force both of you to reconsider your relationship (including sexual ones) and outline a plan of action.

It”s never too late to restore integrity in your relationship. You”ve been married for several years; now it”s time to start building on the truth. I invite you to build your future life on truth, not lies.

I understand why you”re hesitant to have a frank conversation—you”re afraid of your husband”s reaction. He might have to divorce you or hide your relationship for the rest of his life. When you reveal the truth, you”re opening Pandora”s box.

Will your husband forgive you or leave? What if he decides to reinstate you? And there are many other questions that still need to be answered. Beyond these questions come other important questions. Should I tell my daughter that I”m her real father? Will they be able to see? etc.

If your husband decides to stay with you, I suggest you tell your daughter the truth only when she turns 21. Don”t let your ex see your daughter and don”t ask him for help raising your children. I”m giving you the following recommendations to reduce contact with this person and save your marriage with your husband.

Here you might ask: “If my husband finds out the truth and decides to stay with me, what should I tell my ex?”

You don”t need to tell him anything. You need to cut off all contact with this person. Don”t answer his calls or messages. If he decides to get to the child himself, take steps to hire a lawyer, for example. Don”t agree to a DNA test—legally, this person has no right to force you to do so.

What if my husband doesn”t forgive me and decides to divorce?

The consequences of such an event are very likely. And it doesn”t matter what you want, nor does my advice—your husband has the right to demand a divorce. I”ve seen many times in such situations where a husband leaves the family. It happens, but not very often.

Is there another solution to the problem? Without revealing the truth?

Well, there is. You can live in constant fear, dreading exposure every day. Your marriage is built on lies. Is that what you want? Or do you prefer a relationship in which both partners are open to each other?

If your husband needs advice, he can contact me. I”m happy to help him.”

Letter Two

Dear Dr. Harley.

Today, my wife, Robin, told me the most shocking news of my life. And she advised me to contact you.

And here we are. What should I do?

She told me that the affair has been going on for three years and that my two-year-old daughter was born to another man. I am devastated.

Robin has been the love of my life for 12 years. But in recent years (or rather, the last five years) he has closed himself off and moved away from me. I couldn”t understand what was happening in our relationship. But now everything became clear to me. According to her, she broke off her relationship with the man after she found out she was pregnant.

She says she wants to save our relationship. But all she did was dump this information on me and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I want to make sure that she still loves me and wants to be my wife.

I need advice on how to do this with my daughter. Should I let her father see her? How can I save my relationship? What are our chances? Please help!

In this situation, we recommend checking Harley”s recommendations.

It will take several weeks to install everything. During this time, your emotional state will be like a roller coaster. It is recommended to seek expert advice. You will likely be taking any anti-depressants that have been prescribed. Negative emotions can affect your relationships and prevent you from making rational decisions.

I tell all my clients that relationships need to be consensual and honest. Besides, as they say, honesty must be radical. This means that couples must be completely honest with each other. Your wife has already taken a step towards you and admitted to cheating. Never in your entire marriage has she been so vulnerable. Nevertheless, she decided to have a frank conversation. Use the information you receive wisely. Your wife will hurt you, but you shouldn”t hurt her in return. You have the opportunity not only to maintain relationships, but also to strengthen them.

Now we come to the second main rule of a happy marriage: consent. More precisely, a policy of joint consent. In other words, the final decision is to accept and be wise and healthy together.

Now you have a choice — stay with your wife or file for divorce. Looks like it”s a personal choice. But even here there is a policy of mutual consent.

If you and your spouse talk through all your thoughts and feelings, decide what you should do together, and discuss your future together, you can strengthen the mutual understanding that did not exist between you.

If you decide to save your marriage, you need to decide what to do with your wife”s ex. Will he allow him to see his daughter?

It”s recommended that Robin and her daughter be completely separated from this man. The only way to permanently ruin the relationship is to cut off all contact.

I don”t advise you to tell your daughter the truth until she”s 20. If a girl wants her biological father to be a part of her life, your marriage is at risk.

If your daughter asks you directly, tell her the truth about whether you are her real father or not. It”s much more important for a girl to know she can trust you than to know you”re not her biological father. Even though she became pregnant by another man, you have the opportunity to become a real father to her, and she will be cared for and protected throughout her life.”