Funny Quotes from “The Big Bang Theory”
For 12 seasons, “The Big Bang Theory” has entertained viewers with interesting facts about the universe and Spock, cuddly kittens (Sheldon”s favorite lullaby), busking, and, of course, appearances by Sheldon Cooper himself.
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The lovable weirdos (and Penny) were not only smart, but also hilarious. “The Big Bang Theory” is full of memorable quotes that will live on forever. Here are some of the best.
Quotes That Will Go Down in History
- In case anyone”s wondering, I”ll be spending this Valentine”s Day the same way I do every Valentine”s Day. I bought a helpless chicken from the supermarket, brought it home, stood at the sink, took it out of the bag, and ate it with my bare hands like an animal. — Raj
- “You better find your mother-in-law. Because we”re leaving the airport with a dead woman anyway.” — Bernadette
- “I told you not to drink espresso after dinner. I know the small cup makes it seem bigger, but it”s not worth it.” — Bernadette
- “Oh, God, Amy. I”m feeling a little hostile. Is that because, like Sheldon”s job, your sex life is theoretical?” — Bernadette
- “Um, I”m going to talk about chit-chat.” — Penny
- “I”m glad we have mocha. You know what else makes me happy? I bought you pie, and we ate it in the car!” — Bernadette
- “I”m very smart. I graduated from university at the age of fourteen.” “I was defending my PhD while my brother had a sexually transmitted disease. Penicillin doesn”t cure it.” — Sheldon Cooper.
- If it”s creepy to use the internet, military satellites, and robotic airplanes to find a house full of gorgeous young models and then walk in unexpectedly, then fine, I”m creepy.” — Howard
- “I would have been here sooner, but the buses always stopped so other people could get on.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “It”s nice to be with a man who wants to know what you”re wearing under your cardigan. If anything, it”s a completely different cardigan.” — Amy
- “Luckily, I can now do everything my girlfriend does with my right hand.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “So what kind of doctor takes shoes off a donkey?” — Penny
- “Love isn”t a sprint, it”s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms or showers you with tears.” — Howard
- “Oh, gravity, you heartless bitch” — Sheldon Cooper;
- Bernadette, thank you for making me your maid of honor. I also want you to know that if this marriage ends, I will happily start over.” — Amy
- Yes, Mrs. Wolowitz was very special. When I moved to the US, Howard was my only friend. She made me feel welcome. For the first few years she thought I was a gardener.” — Raj
- I often forget that other people have limitations. This is very sad.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- I haven”t cried this much since Toy Story 3. — Raj
- “Sensation? Who am I? Hippie in love? — Sheldon Cooper;
- I know that you are afraid of disappointing me, but I want to assure you that this is not the case. Because my expectations of you are already low! ” — Sheldon Cooper;
- Penny, you have great friends. However, this Sheldon is a little more specific. He reminded me of our turkey who choked on the rain while looking at the sky.” — Penny”s father.
- Relationships show care and love when you share a tip or a blanket. Not ready to share the chip. There are also blankets.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- We voted. Three of us voted for the plane. Sheldon voted for the train, so we”re taking the train.” —Leonard
- “It”s not easy to watch the show. We”ll probably be going for many more years. It requires a very serious commitment.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “Yes, yes, yes, it’s always so disappointing when this doesn’t happen to us.” -Howard Wolowitz;
- Welcome to the Fortress of Solitude. Here I will be mine. I”m running away from loneliness.” — Oliver Rohrbis
- Friends, they”re like toilet paper. It”s always best to keep a few extra rolls under the sink.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “If you don”t support my lies, why did we get married?” -Howard Wolowitz;
- “By the way, ever since we started talking about our breakup. When British Honduras became Belize, it got a new flag with a tree on it. I wanted to hang myself.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- I complain a lot. If this became an Olympic sport, I”d grumble that it”s a stupid sport and take the gold.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “It’s always easier to bicker and swear than to admit your true feelings to each other.” — Theodore
- Now it’s difficult for me because there are three people living in my room. It”s starting to look like a disco.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- I”m always honest with Emmy. She recently told me that a mole on her shoulder was bothering her. And I said, “Sure, you can call it a hair roll, but when hair grows out of it, it”s a wart.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- This is your ship, so you and Chewbacca can do whatever you want, and Princess Leia and I will find another way to have a good night.” — Howard Wolowitz;
- We all descended from particles that were here long before the universe. I”m glad those 14, 000, 000, 000 atoms floated through space and time to create us, and that we are one.” — Leonard
- She”s 93. Her disappointment will be short-lived.” — Amy Farrah Fowler.
- “By killing children”s ability to think critically, we create adults who believe in astrology and homeopathy, saying rabbits come out of hats.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- As you know, I”ve never had any friends. I”m beginning to miss those days.” — Amy Farrah Fowler.
- I”m happy for you. And for me. After all, today you are officially, and more importantly, legally, Emmy”s problem.” — Leonard
- “Do you want people to laugh at you? Maybe so they can laugh at you better.” — Leonard;
- “Oh, too much incense, or what lit the hippies?” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “Well, to paraphrase Shakespeare, it”s better to have loved and lost than to sit at home, overloaded with dirty, obscene pornography.” — Raj;
- Sheldon: “Sheldon, you didn”t have people, just a bunch of episodes.” — Leonard
- Will you stop staring? Haven”t you seen the girls or something?! They”re just like in the movies and in the photographs.” — Stuart Bloom;
- “I want to tell you how much she lost, but look at yourself, it”s not working.” — Howard Wolowitz;
- “And I have a tight top that says “come closer.” Also, there”s a pepper spray that says “no longer needed!”” — Bernadette
- Yeah, it”s not that bad. You lost money, you”re embarrassed, strangers are covering for you. So, the Vegas program is complete.” — Amy Farrah Fowler.
- “Hey, you”re actually talking about someone I love, so I”ve been avoided for three hours.” — Amy Farrah Fowler.
- Then I went to Cambridge. Not only was it a great school, it was great because it was like Hogwarts.” — Raj
- “Because I”m Jewish? Yeah, I”d punch a rabbi to be with your sister!” — Howard Wolowitz.
- “The Strong Frenchman” — Howard Wolowitz.
- “No, I just Googled how to do it.” — Leonard
- The bitter truth is that not everyone can achieve greatness. Some people are forced to find meaning in the little things that make up their entire lives. — Howard Wolowitz.
- “We need to figure out where, in this swamp of asymmetric equations, the toad of truth lurks.” — Leonard
- “Your gift to guests should include a schedule of activities, a map, and a chocolate bar from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of antiseptic, a call to a drug treatment center in case someone accidentally ingests antiseptic, and a folded periodic table to compensate for the failure of the school education system.” — Emmy Farrah Fowler.
- Sheldon doesn”t know he”s doing anything wrong. Because the part of the system that is responsible for this function has enslaved everyone else for so long.” — Bernadette
- Tell her I”m sorry. And if she doesn’t want to marry me now, I understand everything, but I want her to know that the person who is so disgusting to her is also terribly unpleasant to me, he does not exist, he no longer exists, and she is the reason. So when we finish talking, I want her to know that she made me a better person, and I thank her.” — Howard Wolowitz
- “What do you mean she”s happy for me? Is she happy because I”m dating someone, or is she happy because I”m happy? Because when you care about someone, you want them to be happy, even if that happiness hurts you.” -Leonard
- I don”t know what she”s talking about, but I have to agree with her. This is my girlfriend.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “How sad. He passed away in the prime of my life.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “You are a wonderful woman! If you don’t like the photos, you can always change everything — get a haircut, update your wardrobe, buy new glasses, buy better glasses, or give up on them altogether, and nothing will appear in the photos.” — Big
- “You can”t date two girls at the same time. Zero girls is my sweet spot.” — Raj
- “And I can’t stand wedding receptions. The bride and groom would do well to take a cue from Bilbo Baggins — the rings were torn off and disappeared, and everyone went home. — Sheldon Cooper;
- “What is there to study? Take off your clothes, fry each other, and someone fries another omelette with salami. It”s as easy as peeling pears!” — Howard Wolowitz.
- “I believe that God created the world in six days, and on the seventh day he created you to annoy me.” —Leonard
- My father was an anthropologist. The only son his father spent time with was the skeleton of a 2, 000-year-old Etruscan boy. I hated that boy!” — Leonard
- “Well, too bad for you, you know how complex I am about my complexes.” —Leonard
- “And my dad just took me to the gynecologist. I was too bored, so I put vaginal lube on the bottom of my shoes and pretended I was ice skating.” — Raj
- “It”s a kind of dictatorship. You have to take a vacation, you have to enjoy it, you have to enjoy life.” — Howard Wolowitz;
- “Bedside Table Syndrome: Out of Shape, Not Growing” — Leonard;
- By the way, stick one bright red needle into your brain and I can make you happy forever.” — Emmy Farrah Fowler.
- If all people were like me, the human race would not survive.” —Leonard
- “As you know, Sheldon, I don”t have many friends I can put to shame.” -Howard Wolowitz;
- “When Gandhi propagated his philosophy of nonviolence, he apparently did not know how cool it was to kill everyone around him.” -Raj;
- “I used to do Pilates at a health center and all the abdominal exercises consisted of delicious squares that looked like chocolate cupcakes.” -Raj;
- “You have smart people, but you still don”t understand that you shouldn”t bother people who have access to your food.” — Penny
- “I hailed a taxi and the driver jumped out and swore at him because he didn”t look like the photo on the driver”s card.” — Sheldon Cooper;
- “Incredibly, you managed to ruin something that was already ruined.” — Raj.
Read also: Funny quotes from How I Met Your Mother
How I Met Your Mother is one of the most interesting series about relationships, friendships and trying to trace your life from 20 to 30 and beyond.
Many of the statements reflect the essence of the life of not only the sages of the series, but also the lives of ordinary people. At the end of the day, we are all ultimately just people with our own special problems for someone else.
The Big Bang Theory Season 3 / Best Moments
