8 signs of a codependent relationship and how to stop it
“Love until the grave.”, “One day you will die.” — these words have become the motto of many people. Yes, what is it for many? This applies to everyone. Only such relationships are characterized by true love. Be mindful of your relationships. What is it? Be honest! I love him or her until my jaw locks. I can”t live without him or without her.” Is that true? So remember that this is a codependent relationship. And such love is complete nonsense! Let me explain why, what consequences await you and how to deal with such a relationship.
Contents of the article:
What is a codependent relationship
Codependent relationships are characterized by complete dissolution in the partner. You become so immersed in a person that you stop perceiving him as another person. For example, a young mother often says: “Go, sleep, eat.” She never leaves her child. The same applies to codependent relationships. You become emotionally attached to your partner and forget about yourself first. Then your development is under real threat. This is the beginning of personality disintegration. On the other hand, everything is not as deadly as it seems. Hearing your hairy partner”s voice is very romantic. You feel his mood thousands of kilometers away and you feel bad when he barely crawls. But in fact it turns out that all this heresy is killing you as a person. Yes, turning on indifference is not ice either. “Oh, damn!” You can”t just say. Now let”s think about which of your loves are truly the ones in the book and which are toxic.
Signs of codependency
Psychologists have long understood what relationships are. They identified the main signs of pathological relationships. Take a piece of paper and start putting plus signs where the statement matches your feelings.
- Discomfort. We often hear about couples who live like cats and dogs, quarreling endlessly, but not letting the air out. They tell themselves: “Being together is bad, being apart is even worse.” Are they the same? If two or three days a week are peaceful, and the rest of the time there are battles, it’s worth thinking about. It often feels like you are caught in a web with no way out.
- Calm. An absurd state of the category “self-invented, self-inflicted insult.” Communication takes place at the level of party units: some hints, guesses, secret signs. Are you a scout? Yes, even if you feel your partner and immediately grasp his thoughts and desires, this does not mean that he is a telepath, like you. What is the problem with sitting down and openly identifying the problem that has arisen? And such a conversation should not be accompanied by shouts of “You don’t understand and don’t listen to me!” The fact that she is slipping into mediocre hysteria with screams about it. Discussion of minor details.
- Love is like a reward. One of the hallmarks of codependency is the endless satisfaction of expectations and demands. Once you screw up, they ignore you, look sad and show universal sadness for lost love. By the way, at the same time you have a full orbit. You are no good. You also demand certain things, and as soon as your partner deviates from the set course, you begin to throw the candybobber. The result is two idiots dancing on their hind legs in front of each other, endlessly proving their love. Jerk.
People who live the life of their partner are overprotective and smothering, try to solve all problems and take all responsibility upon themselves. But at the same time something terrible happens. You forget yourself. All your needs fade into the background. And the endless sense of obligation crushes you like a paving stone. Do you know what you will hear when it”s time to say goodbye? How could you not ask.
Read also: Signs that it’s time to end the relationship and you can’t get it back there are times when a man and a girl know that an emotional change is taking place. First of all, we need to understand your emotions because they are.
- A step to the left or right is considered to be running away, while jumping in place is an attempt to fly away. Does this sound familiar to you? And it”s not just about jealousy. We are talking about total control. One missed call is all it takes to start a tantrum. Unauthorized absence is a disaster. Being five minutes late means a massive attack of angry messages. At the same time, the partner is never less fanatical than such fanaticism. So what is it? Like? Great!!! This is not only sadomasochism, but also “I care!” and this is also complete disbelief, cleverly disguised as “I care!” It”s scary, but for many couples this is considered normal and correct.
- I am you. Decades ago, when psychology was gaining momentum, it was correct to argue that the “Me + Me” relationship model was selfish. Yes, people talk about certain soulmates all the time. In fact, eliminating personal boundaries hurts everyone. People have ceased to realize their responsibility to each other. The “yours is mine” guide jumps into the oven. The result is sad. In this case, there are two options for the development of events: Either you shift all responsibility to your partner, or you completely take it upon yourself.
- From an elephant fly. Amid all this chaos, anxiety begins to grow. People can”t really explain what”s happening. At the same time, women often talk about chronic fatigue syndrome, panic attacks and constant internal anxiety. Men are increasingly entering the wine sector and attributing their cravings to alcohol to stress. Neither of them realizes that the root of their anxiety is at home, not at work.
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- Like cats and dogs. Against the backdrop of increased anxiety, fights occur with enviable regularity. All of them are specially created. They are heavy, selfish and devoid of reason. These conflicts begin suddenly and end just as suddenly. At the same time, neither of them can remember what all the fuss was about. At the same time, they proudly declare to each other that they swear by little things and immediately forget about them. Yes, yes, yes. Husband and wife are one Satan, yes. As you know, there is nothing to be proud of here.
There are many other subtle signs that cleverly disguise themselves as generally accepted relationship patterns. As a rule, these are the imposed principles of true love and a real “correct” family. Such partnerships end in complete destruction of social interaction, depression, alcoholism, constant hopelessness and despair.
How to deal with codependency
If you think that you can solve the problem of codependency on your own, you are very mistaken. You won”t be able to do this without professional help. Yes, you can solve the problem fundamentally — dissolve it. But in the end, any pain can be cured! Besides, breaking up is not the best solution. Think about what you can do yourself.
- Analyze the family scenario. We live according to the family model. The one you grew up with. Therefore, your family and your partner”s family should be studied in detail. This is where the root of the problem lies! If the match is 60-70%, start redrawing everything. Live differently from your father and mother. Break stereotypes.
- I + I. Set clear boundaries. You are you and you are a partner — this is a partnership. Start with yourself. And not for demands related to oneself, but for personal changes. Your person has rights to many things. For being late, for meeting friends, for keeping the phone on silent. He has the right to decide his own affairs and not have to report to you for every step. Once you allow him all these connections, you can start demanding the same.
- Take care of yourself. Stop living other people”s lives. No one gets better because you neglected your development as a person. Remember that personal degradation is a direct path to ruin. Develop yourself. You can offer your partner your interests, but don”t force it. Respect his interests.
- Stop the contradictions. If you can calmly resolve all the issues, tell us why you raise your tone and hit the plate. First of all, your partner is not a telepath. He can”t know all your cockroaches by name. Tell him correctly what is wrong. But not in the tone of a mentor. Calmly and in the form of a request, and not in turn.
Codependency occupies a strong niche in the life of society. This happens because people think it should be right. But this is an incredible mistake that costs the well-being of many families. Look carefully and work on yourself, and your life will become happier.
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