Are People Running Away From Dates? The Reason Isn”t “Fear”
Why Do People Avoid Dates? Sometimes the reasons aren”t as obvious as they seem. We see that our behavior directly shapes our external impulses—and previous experience is crucial here.
Contents of the article:
An Interesting Case Study in Psychology
Once a week, I receive three letters, all on the same topic, says sexologist and psychologist Jeremy Nicholson. “Two women and one man wrote to me. They all wanted to know why their potential partners behaved a certain way.”
“For the women, it all came down to the fact that the man didn”t want to ask them out.” A man despairs because women he”s deeply attracted to are avoiding his dates. Interestingly, all three cited fear as the reason their new friends didn”t want to pursue relationships. They felt these people were simply “afraid” to pursue relationships with them.
False Conclusions
I”m not entirely surprised that all these people came to similar conclusions. Popular psychology journals often cite fear as the primary cause of our behavior. Men are thought to be “afraid” to ask a girl out. Women are also “afraid” that their relationship with a particular partner will become problematic. As if our society is made up entirely of sick individuals.
Everything Is Explained by Behaviorism
However, in reality, fear isn”t always the cause of human behavior, Jeremy explains. Fear alone doesn”t tell us much. Even F. Skinner, one of the founders of the behaviorist approach in psychology, argues that our behavior is largely dependent on reinforcement: “Fear is the cause of our behavior. Emotions (including those same fears) are merely side effects of experience.”
Read also: The Causes of Men”s Fears in Relationships with Women
Don”t feed women with bread. Have only frank conversations with your partner. Your desire to show your feelings should result in constant phone calls.
How to Not Be Afraid of Loneliness? / Elena Novoselova // We Need to Talk
So Why Didn”t He Ask Her Out?
Therefore, from the point of view of a behaviorist approach, we cannot say that “fear” prevented a man from asking a girl out on a date. What is clear is that positive reinforcement and potential punishment did not arouse such a desire in him. And this can be caused by two reasons. Firstly, strengthening was completely impossible. Or it was unimportant. For example, this woman did not attract men.”
It is also possible that there was potential for punishment. The man really expected that this woman was unattainable for him and might be rejected. Or, because of his relationship with this girl, the punishment could set a different example for the paragon. The person lost his friendship, RID laughed at him, he lost his environment, etc.”
Therefore, it is impossible to explain human behavior only through the prism of the concept of fear. Most of the time when we talk about fear, we are talking about the fear of possible failure. On a date, the new partner may not seem attractive enough. Or a person may think that he will receive further refusal from him — this is all arithmetic.
